Should I really have to explain our financial situ to a teacher?

[bottleofbeer]

Ok so my 14 year old son is very hard on his shoes. About a week and a half ago he managed to rip the entire sole off his school shoe. Being completely honest at this time of year I just didn't have the funds to replace them immediately so I wrote a note in his planner explaining the situation and promised they'd be replaced by the time term starts in Jan. In the meantime I told him to wear his black trainers, so not wildly different from school shoes.

Last week he came home and told me he'd spent the entire day in isolation, where they're removed from lessons and they basically copy useless text all day (absolutely nothing to do with the curriculum) I already knew this because I got a phonecall from the office explaining that he was in isolation because of his shoes. I told them I wanted him taken from isolation because it's unfair to punish him over something beyond his control, that they know he struggles academically as it is and he can't afford to miss entire days.

Anyway, they didn't remove him from isolation. So we wrote a letter to the head of year outlining why he shouldn't be there and pointing out we had already explained the situation. He's not getting to school and slipping his shoes off in favour of his trainers and short of going barefoot he had no option. No reply.

Today I get a letter saying he'll be back in isolation unless I replace the shoes, and to phone the HOY to discuss this. I'm fuming, it has been explained to him three times now and frankly I don't see why I should have to phone him and tell him about the financial situation - again. I don't see that it's any of his business and a note from parents apologising and promising to recitfy it asap really should be enough. AIBU?

If DS is so 'hard on shoes' and money is tight, you should be pointing out to him that he needs to take better care of the next pair.

I didn't say my school provides new shoes, but we do have a hardship fund which is funded by our old students - they have a big get together once a year and the proceeds fund this, which is used to help families pay for uniform/equipment if they genuinely cannot provide it themselves.

Believe me, he's been told and punished by me for not taking better care of them.

YANBU - I think it's crazy, and I am all for school uniform. It's the last week of term and if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

If it bothers you that much keep him off for the rest of the week and tell them he is sick ,I doubt if they'll be doing much this week anyway.

It's secondary school, so I'm afraid YABU.

Especially as you have just said you'd have found the money if he'd only had bright white trainers, because that means that you can find the money, you are just choosing to ignore the school rules to suit your convenience.

You say it's none of the schools business, but it is the schools business if the students are in incorrect uniform.

It's amazing how many people dismiss Christmas as unimportant, it takes very little imagination to conjure the conversation if you couldn't afford it:

Child A: I got this and this and this for Christmas. What did you get?

Child B: Not very much, money's tight at the moment.

Child A: Haha, you're poor! (cue merciless bullying for months)

If Christmas was already paid for, and it's so close to the end of term, the school should ease up. It's not like you spent the money on booze and fancy meals out, you spent it on making Christmas nice for your DCs. It was an unforeseen cost (it happens to everyone) and you know when you can fix it.

For those stating how "little" shoes cost - £15-£25 for shoes? A £10 for trainers? Yeah, it doesn't sound like a lot, but I don't have that right now. I'd be screwed if I needed it. It's easy to judge when it hasn't happened to you.

Head down to primark you can get plain black shoes in there for £5. They won't last long but they will tide you over til you can afford a new pair

I think that is awful and I'm at the disregard for your son's feelings which as you say are out of his control.It's not as if he's shaved his head.

Also re black trainers is anybody going to notice-really????

Really petty imvho and a rather nasty attitude for a child who probably already feels crap and who will end up worrying about his parents financial situation if even more of a meal is made of it.

Schools are going to have to realise parents don't have a bottomless pit of money to dig from and many are feeling the pinch regardless of Christmas.

I've got four kids in education, they've always been properly equipped without fail. I'm not going to beat myself up too much that I've found myself temporarily unable to buy shoes.right.now.

I'll best him up for wrecking his shoes instead

I do think schools go too far over this issue - tbh so long as children are wearing plain black footwear, wtf does it matter if they're shoes, trainers, Vans, or whatever. I honestly don't see why it matters.

My DS's school is like this. Last week he had to wear shoes at school all week with the sole literally hanging off, because they fell apart in a playground game of football on the Monday, and I have no way of getting to a shop to buy him another pair until weekends. He wore (white) trainers to and from school but had to change when he got there otherwise he would have been in isolation every day until they were replaced, even with a note from me explaining the situation.

Meanwhile 2 boys in the year above who cornered one of DS's friends in the corridor and beat him up, just got a single afternoon in isolation. It's an interesting message, that what you wear matters more than how you behave

Rules are rules, I'm afraid. One kid in trainers will have knock on effect. Buy a pair for a fiver from Wynsors.

It'd really help if the schools occasionally put their hands away, they've constantly got their hand out for it.

Oh, children can come into school dressed in sky blue pink tomorrow and all you have to do for the major inconvenience is bring in a bottle of wine for the tombola.

Oh do sod off!

We have strict uniform rules. They apply to all.

If you had genuine financial problems our school would buy the shoes for you and you would pay back a nominal amount weekly.

I absolutely detest the idea of school uniform, really hate it so pathetic and out dated.

However if its there then it has to he adhered to.

Your kid wearing trainers for a few days means others will follow.

Go to primark and get a cheap pair.

IMO schools shouldn't be punishing for parents misdeeds.

The money that schools raise through tombolas and the like doesn't pay for the teachers Christmas do you know.

They do it to help our children!

I think if you want the school to bend the rules for your DS because of your financial hardship then YABU to not want to tell them about your financial hardship.

Unless I'm reading the thread wrong (?) you've said "yes, yes we'll do it eventually" and then not done it for good reasons which you haven't told the school. You really do need to tell them if you want them to cut your son some slack.

Good luck for a better new year.

I can see the school's logic in coming down equally hard on all breaches of school uniform rules, but it does seem utterly ridiculous that they haven't accepted a very reasonable explanation from you.

If he's anything like my 8yo son, a pair of cheap shoes will last a matter of days, and therefore are a total false economy. I have no idea how but they end up in the most appalling of states very quickly, whereas my 6yo son can make £5 Asda shoes last until he outgrows them!

Seeing as it is only a matter of days before the end of term, can you get him a pair of really cheap black shoes just to see him through the week?

I know our secondary school actually tell parents not to bother to replace school shoes that have dropped to bits in the last weeks before the end of the school year.
By their own admission, there is just no point buying new shoes again that might be worn just for a few weeks.

I am a bit about 'You've agreed to that when you choose the school'... well I know quite a few people who never got the chance to 'choose' thye school tbh.

What would they do with a child whose parent can not afford to replace said shoes? Keep them for weeks on end in detention and not allowing them to learn?

I'm sure these tombolas do help the children, never suggested the money raised was to do otherwise but honestly, it really can be an issue for some parents to just find a fiver for a bottle of wine and I know a lot of people who'd really skint themselves rather than see their child be the one who hasn't done/got xyz...

The blasé attitude of it annoys me.

I do understand entirely where you're coming from, and I sympathise - but I think you need to see this from the school's point of view.

If they let your son off this time on the basis of you not being able to afford new shoes - then what's to stop some other child coming in wearing jeans and a t-shirt because "Mum can't afford a uniform"?

I know on the face of it it's not quite the same thing - but actually, it is, isn't it?

What size feet does your DS have? We have an unused pair of school shoes size 7 that my DS grew out of before he had the chance to wear them (bought in July for September - he grew over the summer!). You are welcome to have them, although I doubt I can get them to you before Christmas now.

Schools are going to have to realise parents don't have a bottomless pit of money to dig from and many are feeling the pinch regardless of Christmas.

I think many schools do realise this. I spend my own money on feeding those members of my form who don't get breakfast, and on making sure that they all have pens and pencils. I spent a lunchtime moving and re-sewing a button on a skirt for a girl who couldn't sit down properly because it was too tight. I've bought presents for the children who wanted to take part in secret santa but couldn't afford it, so that they don't feel left out.

Lovely offer Ellie but honestly, it's only been this tight while my husband had to work a month in hand.

Payday Saturday

Feeling the pinch - children require shoes regardless of income. Black plain shoes are the cheapest of all. So that is a bit of a non arguement

I'd have found a way to do so if his trainers were obviously trainers or bright white or something. So why can't you now? Can you really let your son sit in isolation for two weeks rather than buy him a pair of shoes?
What will be different in January???