Should I really have to explain our financial situ to a teacher?

[bottleofbeer]

Ok so my 14 year old son is very hard on his shoes. About a week and a half ago he managed to rip the entire sole off his school shoe. Being completely honest at this time of year I just didn't have the funds to replace them immediately so I wrote a note in his planner explaining the situation and promised they'd be replaced by the time term starts in Jan. In the meantime I told him to wear his black trainers, so not wildly different from school shoes.

Last week he came home and told me he'd spent the entire day in isolation, where they're removed from lessons and they basically copy useless text all day (absolutely nothing to do with the curriculum) I already knew this because I got a phonecall from the office explaining that he was in isolation because of his shoes. I told them I wanted him taken from isolation because it's unfair to punish him over something beyond his control, that they know he struggles academically as it is and he can't afford to miss entire days.

Anyway, they didn't remove him from isolation. So we wrote a letter to the head of year outlining why he shouldn't be there and pointing out we had already explained the situation. He's not getting to school and slipping his shoes off in favour of his trainers and short of going barefoot he had no option. No reply.

Today I get a letter saying he'll be back in isolation unless I replace the shoes, and to phone the HOY to discuss this. I'm fuming, it has been explained to him three times now and frankly I don't see why I should have to phone him and tell him about the financial situation - again. I don't see that it's any of his business and a note from parents apologising and promising to recitfy it asap really should be enough. AIBU?

shoes are a total pita, letters to HT, Head of governors and local paper.

Its no £10 for shoes it's £40, no way would I accept being forced to buy cheap shoes that will last 5 minutes.

I'd be tempted to keep him off school and tell them he has flu.

This really worries me. Are we really denying a child an education because a parent hasn't bought shoes - for whatever reason? Tis would not happen where I live (Scotland) as educating them is vital. What kind of a message are we sending that obeying rules, however petty, is more important than hard work? Is this seriously the case in English schools? I haven't lived there for 15 years but even then, when I taught in an highly academic private school, we would never, ever have done this. Surely this is punishing poverty and poor parenting?

It depends on how strict the school is and how your child's feet are.
I can not buy cheap shoes to dc1 because he just doesn't fit in them.
Some schools do not accept anything apart from very specific styles, which are expensive because they are 'proper' shoes.

Put the two together and you will have families struggling.
I remember when the dcs were little, some families struggling to buy them new shoes. The cheap simple ones you can get for toddlers. Now take those families and ask them to buy a £40 pair of shoes....

31st of dec the OP probably gets paid! That's why my DSIS always works between Xmas and new year, she does pay roll.

lots of their lower paid staff would be very unhappy to find she'd not bothered when their Xmas credit card bill arrives.

@ Flogg, the difference between ow and january? The Op's husband will have been paid....

Just a small tiny difference.

This sounds ridiculous. The school is placing their uniform policy above their main function of education by placing your son in isolation and not giving him any meaningful work to do. I would speak to the HOY and state that you are concerned that your son is being punished for your lack of means which is of course not his fault.

I can't believe this attitude, ds1 is in early years at a
Prep school obsessed with uniform, he is 4 and in a tie and blazer. They never punish for something like this if the parent explains, they are fine if you replace items the weekend after something is lost or ruined or if it's in the last week fo term they are happy for you to wait just invade they have a growth spurt in the holiday!

The children in the senior school have a uniform card for motivation, they only get in trouble if they are repeat offenders

So if you would have found a way to buy him some new ones if his trainers were white, why can't you now?

What on earth was he doing to rip the whole sole from his shoe? If one of my sons at 14 were doing that to their shoes, I would be having serious words with them, and they would be replacing them themselves!

I've just seen Rose's post. I'm in Scotland too.

YABU - they are not psychic.

honestly HTs ought to ask their part time TAs, canteen staff and cleaners if they could afford to replace school shoes in Dec or Jan. I bet some of those with two or more school age DCs would shake their heads.

My DS's school is exactly the same but I accept that.

Super glue is your friend. I've had to virtually rebuild his shoes with the stuff until I've been able to get out to the shop.

How about a piggy bank/change bottle where you can pop your odd £1 coins? That way you can raid it if this happens again.

Seriously, cannot you find some shoes for your son? Literally nothing. Nothing cheap. Nothing second hand. No hand me downs. Not a repair job. Not gluing a sole on. I can see that it is hard. Perhaps you should call the Head of Year. They might even have shoes in school. I really sympathise but I'm sure it can be sorted. He can't b the first child it's happened to.

Iif you can't get to the shops till the weekend or similar and you write a note and that's usually acceptable for a day or two. But not really any longer. But most schools are sympathetic to family problems. So I don't think you are being unreasonable to expect the school to show a bit of understanding.

I can't believe people above have suggested a Wonga type loan. Right, because someone in financial difficulties should be penalized having to pay MASSIVE interest rates?
This is just ridiculous. I totally understand that uniform policy needs to be stuck to. So write a decent policy. These threads are almost ALWAYS about shoes, because other damaged clothing can still be worn. Schools should state black, but nothing more.

It makes me SO ANGRY that a child is denied education because their parent hasn't the money.

And for those saying isolation will teach him to take care of his shoes? Are you actually stupid? Shoes get damaged. Especially cheaper shoes, more likely to be chosen by those who can't replace shoes instantly.

Absolutely ridiculous policy in the school, and I hope you campaign against it, OP.

I hope your DS is having his school shoes as an early Chirstmas present?

Since september my 15 year old brother has worn through various pairs of shoes and also lost 3 coats. Guess what he has had to have as 'early' christmas presents.

Bloody hell, threads like this always bring me down to earth when I am fantasising about going back to England so the dc can go to school there. This is positively insane.

School uniforms are a detestable notion in any case, but the idea that it would be better to send a child to school in crappy, glued together shoes than in decent trainers that won't damage his feet or restrict him from running around during breaks just because the school can't be flexible for a week is ten times worse.

And the fact that most people are defending the school is the worst of all.

My school had a very strict uniform policy and I wore trainers the entire time. I just got a doctor to write me a note saying that the uniform shoes were bad for my feet, and fortunately they weren't absurd enough to argue with that.

I am AMAZED by this - the fuss over parents taking children off for holidays or to see dying grannies but its OK to isolate him for his parents not being able to afford shoes?

Yes indeed what " message" is this sending out about education?>

I get that they have a shoe policy - I get that others may mis interpret him wearing trainers and try and wear trainers - but surely once his mum explained they could have been discreet about it....

Petty offialdom

BTW when my shoes have fallen apart in the past - try a rubber band...

Tis would not happen where I live (Scotland) as educating them is vital.

It does happen here unfortunately.

And OP - it goes without saying, but don't be tempted to get into debt with a "Wonga type loan" over a pair of shoes.

She could have glued the sole back on.

Another Scot here, never come across this slavish adherance to uniform policy.

We get occasional reminders home via the schoolbag mail, along the lines of 'we would like to remind parents that wearing of t-shirts is not encouraged' or 'the school prefers children to wear grey trousers or skirts.'

Have never heard of sanctions being applied to children that flout the uniform policy, and I'll send mine off in the morning happily as long as they are wearing smartish items.

By the looks of the other children, their parents mostly feel the same.

Ok, so let's imagine this was narthing to do with money. Let's say you work full time and your child comes home with a ruined, beyond gluable shoe. You physically cannot replace them before Saturday.

You honestly accept that your child is kept in isolation, getting no education at all? for your "misdeed"?

Or do you hope the school might show a little common sense and leniency for an issue that is beyond your child's control?

No, the school aren't psychic, handily I wrote a note in his planner the same day he had to wear dark coloured not a million miles from school shoes, trainers.

We're not persistent offenders of this, I explained and told them exactly when they'd be replaced and apologised. This isn't the usual state of affairs for us, my husband had to work a month in hand, so we've gone nearly two months without any kind of salary coming in. Considering it's not all together unusual to read here that people cannot adequately feed or clothe their families it's hardly Earth shattering that someone has been unable to immediately replace shoes. And right now, not exactly unusual either.

I won't buy cheap shoes, I won't get Wonga loans. Not because I'm a snob but because I'd end up replacing them yet again within weeks.

What exactly did the note say? Funnily enough I did read that you wrote a note, but further down you say you don't want to have to explain about your finances.

Talk to the school.