Should I really have to explain our financial situ to a teacher?

[bottleofbeer]

Ok so my 14 year old son is very hard on his shoes. About a week and a half ago he managed to rip the entire sole off his school shoe. Being completely honest at this time of year I just didn't have the funds to replace them immediately so I wrote a note in his planner explaining the situation and promised they'd be replaced by the time term starts in Jan. In the meantime I told him to wear his black trainers, so not wildly different from school shoes.

Last week he came home and told me he'd spent the entire day in isolation, where they're removed from lessons and they basically copy useless text all day (absolutely nothing to do with the curriculum) I already knew this because I got a phonecall from the office explaining that he was in isolation because of his shoes. I told them I wanted him taken from isolation because it's unfair to punish him over something beyond his control, that they know he struggles academically as it is and he can't afford to miss entire days.

Anyway, they didn't remove him from isolation. So we wrote a letter to the head of year outlining why he shouldn't be there and pointing out we had already explained the situation. He's not getting to school and slipping his shoes off in favour of his trainers and short of going barefoot he had no option. No reply.

Today I get a letter saying he'll be back in isolation unless I replace the shoes, and to phone the HOY to discuss this. I'm fuming, it has been explained to him three times now and frankly I don't see why I should have to phone him and tell him about the financial situation - again. I don't see that it's any of his business and a note from parents apologising and promising to recitfy it asap really should be enough. AIBU?

Ironically there isn't a week or two goes by when I don't get certificates through the post for him for good effort/excellent work (it must only happen in this year group because the other's dont get them - they'll get a note in their planner) these certificates are signed by the HOY. Is he more aware of his shoes than his achievements? Did he not recognise his name on the letter home about this despite signing numerous of these certificates over the years?

Yet he does know that my son struggles. He struggles but he give it his all.

Who would ever punish through isolation and missing an entire school day for a kid who clearly does his best?

Once my older son had to give evidence in court about another boy in his year who has serious problems with violence and at one point took a knife into school. Naturally I was worried for my son's safety yet the HOY never even returned my calls. Which in your opinion is the most pressing issue? ensuring the physical safety of a pupil or their footwear?

I've had my arse handed to me on a plate about my priorities on this thread. All been taken on the chin, but the school itself seems to have odd priorities, really!

Oh, and I took the white trainers thing to mean that bottle would in that case buy a cheap pair if necessary. But why the fuck should she waste a tenner she would struggle to find a week before the end of term if she will have to wait until payday to get decent ones anyway? Shoes that cost a tenner won't last, and if the school had accepted her reasonable explanation, she wouldn't have to waste that money.

i wouldn't be too happy.

a whole day education wasted because of what is on the DC feet. I know there is rules but a little common sense wouldn't go a miss.

I saved up for Xmas by putting money on gift cards at the places I would buy the gifts, none of them sell cheap kids shoes (Toys R Us, Boots, ELC etc!) so while I agree in theory to him contributing at least a bit towards his new shoes so he learns that they dont grow on trees, it isnt always that simple! Perhaps the OP could introduce jobs so that he works his half of the cost off? Say, washing up, laundry duties etc at a set price per job. I do agree that he needs to learn to look after his things and to appreciate what they cost.

That said, I also agree that it isnt financially worth it to buy a cheap pair for a week. I would write the Head and the LEA explaining that as my son is not being educated because of an issue that a) I had already discussed and b) was out of his control, I would be home educating for the rest of the term and he would return on 3rd Jan (or whenever) next year. And I would home ed, to the point where he would never want to miss school again

Good plan, Bogeyface

I know there is rules but a little common sense wouldn't go a miss

Sadly that is one thing that seems to be lacking in educational establishments these days :(

:o I had to home ed DS when he was getting over one of his ops that meant he was well enough to be at home, but not well enough for school. He was only off for 2 weeks and said that he loved me as a mummy but not as a teacher because I was mean and he didnt get enough play time!

You have my sympathies, OP. I think it's awful. It reminds me of a boy who was sent home from my school for having no shoes (yes, I'm that old!) He turfed up the next day in a pair of knackered old men's boots, way too big for him, and was allowed in class. The thought that your son's school would have isolated him for that, too, is very upsetting.

His head of year sounds like an incompetent, pompous twat! Is he Brian Packham off Corrie?

Seriously it would not be good for mankind's future if I attempted to homeschool him

Here, draw that leaf. Then we'll learn rude songs in French, and while you're here make us a cup of tea.

It's much better if I leave it to the professionals.

YABU to expect the school to waive it's uniform policy just for your son and to think that sending him in trainers is acceptable. As PP's have said, they have no way of distinguishing who is truly in dire straits and who has a cashflow problem because of the purchase of a big consumer item. Get him a cheap pair until you an get him proper ones. Sometimes the charity shops have them in reasonably good condition too.

YANBU to think that your financial affairs are your own business unless you are asking them to waive/put a hold on fees.

The Deputy Head at my school has a big box of plastic sandals (slides not flip flops) in his office and anyone who doesn't have the right shoes on gets to wear those for the day. It makes the point but it means nobody loses out on their education.

Everyone gets two days grace to sort themselves out so I don't often see students in the sandals.

As others have said, common sense is needed alongside the rules.

Why the hysteria about the OP's DS wearing plain dark trainers for a couple of weeks before Christmas?

It's not like she has insisted her DS go into school dressed as Ronald McDonald.

Sadly I think that OP's DS is being made an example of precisely for the reason that he is normally considered one of the good kids. Nobody notices when it is one of the usual suspects in isolation.

Bullying and cynical but true.

Astelia - in what world are plastic sandals better for feet than trainers? - that just sounds nasty.

I find some of the suggestions that the OP should attempt to cobble the shoes back together or hold the sole on with elastic bands very odd. Parents are bossed into making sure that their children are in good shoes when they are 4 but when they are 14 broken shoes are fine! Double standards or what.

I am guessing that those people who dont believe that a 14 year old can get through a pair of shoes in 3 months dont have a 14 year old at home. Having seen the state of my 12 & 14 year old's shoes I can see that I will be replacing them over the holidays and mine dont play football at break time.

The people suggesting that the OP should take out a payday loan - a ludicrously high interest loan - to get these shoes... please get a grip.

YANBU. Yes, schools have reasons for uniform policies. Yes, if you give someone an inch then others will take a mile. But I was able, for medical reasons - I needed special footwear, because I had various developmental disabilities - to get an exception made for me at my otherwise-very-strict private school. So they saw sense.

You have been very clear with your school, but your HOY has made a conscious decision to be obstructive - something which fits with the 1 per cent of teachers, usually in senior management positions, who take it upon themselves to ruin the good name of the other 99 per cent by being controlling, sergeant majorish wankers. Get in there and give him what for.

I'm nearly crying laughing at the idea of sending him in as Ronald McDonald.

Wonder how long it'd take him to wear clown shoes out?

On that note, OP, have you tried inserts? They might work if your DS is gallumphing around and ripping his shoes open all the time.

I say this because it used to take me a couple of weeks max to go through my shoes, which caused a lot of annoyance. But I got a pair in April that came with inserts, and they're lasting well - it seems to have done something to my gait that's less hard on my shoes.

I shall try that thankyou, misterwife

He does play a lot of football and I've no doubt his innocent protests of "but I did change into my trainers to play" are probably not the truth but then I've got a seven year old daughter who went through no less than six pairs last year.

But it's just kids for you, isn't it?

Sorry, not read whole thread, apols if this has already been said.

They might want to talk to you to offer buying some more. I have twice done this out of my own pocket for kids who were wearing shoes with holes in soles. :(

Before getting cross, might be worth considering that they HOY is trying to be kind, but has to work within school rules, which are sometimes ridiculous - nothing they can do about that though.

In the school I work in if a child is in isolation then the work for each period that they would do in lesson is sent across. They have a duty to provide work.

Fwiw our school buy shoes in bulk in different sizes so if there is a problem then the child "borrows" a pair of shoes each day. If they refuse to wear them then isolation it is.

Is he into adult sized shoes?
My brother bought police issue shoes as he was struggling to get shoes at his size 13 and they lasted ages. Notice help to you before payday, but might be worth investigating wgen you can afford them. Seem to remember they were cheaper than shop bought.
This was decades ago, but might be worth a shot.

I could see a HOY trying to help if a child is consistently ill equipt for school but he's not nor are his two brothers at the same school. Surely if you want a better idea of the general home situation you take into account that it's not a recurring theme with this family, and as a whole the siblings in the school show no signs of poverty etc...

I do appreciate that some kids do need help for whatever reason and I'm glad there are teachers who will go that extra mile for them and I'd fully apprciate me being chased about this if it was ongoing and I was refusing to give them any idea of when it'll be rectified.

I also assumed that'd be the case Bella, that he'd at least be doing classwork but he's been copying text from random books.

When I was at school detention was pretty much the same, copy X amount from this book or write an essay on a day in the life of a teabag. Which would be ripped up at the end to show you just how pointless and wasted your time had been. This is evidently the same kind of punishment.

Thanks for all the hard wearing shoe suggestions, very helpful :)

Makes me so glad our schools don't do uniform. I know many British people are horrified by the notion of children wearing their own clothes to school but honestly, denying a child an education because of the state of his shoes is absurd.

The isolation unit at your school seems badly run, OP. At our school, as at BellaVita's, work is sent over and if any explanations are needed, the staff member in charge will send out for a teacher to come in and explain. Dd spends a lot of time in isolation due to health problems: she is still doing the same work as the others.

I think it's crap tbh. There is a vast difference between a kid whose shoes have just fallen apart and they have a note to explain that they will be replaced asap and a kid who is trying to break the rules AGAIN by where white trainers.

DS1's school shoes are trainers. Or may as well be, they could easily pass for black trainers if he told folk that's what they were.
YANBU.

For 6 weeks this year DS2 wore shoes with a gapping hole in them, I was so fed up with the way he wrecked them I couldn't stomach buying more. Good call because he hasn't trashed the pair I bought him for autumn, it's like he's finally learnt to be careful with footwear.

ps: lots of people can't access credit thru conventional channels. That's one reason the PayDay Loan people aren't being outlawed.