Should I really have to explain our financial situ to a teacher?

[bottleofbeer]

Ok so my 14 year old son is very hard on his shoes. About a week and a half ago he managed to rip the entire sole off his school shoe. Being completely honest at this time of year I just didn't have the funds to replace them immediately so I wrote a note in his planner explaining the situation and promised they'd be replaced by the time term starts in Jan. In the meantime I told him to wear his black trainers, so not wildly different from school shoes.

Last week he came home and told me he'd spent the entire day in isolation, where they're removed from lessons and they basically copy useless text all day (absolutely nothing to do with the curriculum) I already knew this because I got a phonecall from the office explaining that he was in isolation because of his shoes. I told them I wanted him taken from isolation because it's unfair to punish him over something beyond his control, that they know he struggles academically as it is and he can't afford to miss entire days.

Anyway, they didn't remove him from isolation. So we wrote a letter to the head of year outlining why he shouldn't be there and pointing out we had already explained the situation. He's not getting to school and slipping his shoes off in favour of his trainers and short of going barefoot he had no option. No reply.

Today I get a letter saying he'll be back in isolation unless I replace the shoes, and to phone the HOY to discuss this. I'm fuming, it has been explained to him three times now and frankly I don't see why I should have to phone him and tell him about the financial situation - again. I don't see that it's any of his business and a note from parents apologising and promising to recitfy it asap really should be enough. AIBU?

OP, YANBU. Please do not resort to one of these shark loan companies - that is bad advice.
Devora, I love your post about the macho mums!

I think strict uniform policy's are pretty stupid, but what is more stupid is making a child miss days of education for breach of uniform.

In many parts of the country you don't 'choose' your school so it's not right to tell the OP she signed up to this.

My school was pretty lax on uniform, black below the waist and a school jumper and polo shirt in a choice of 4 colours. Worked well.

Trainers are MUCH more suited to walking to/from school
And playing footy at lunchtime anyway!

School's actions are unfair and unreasonable - I see no need at all for uniform anyway, the rest of the world seem to manage fine without it

I regularly wore trainers at school despite strict uniform - I had a note explaining why and it was fine.

The world did not end. My behaviour did not change. The behaviour of other pupils didn't change. It didn't lead to other people trying to wear trainers.

In fact, I'd go so far as saying
IT MADE NO DIFFERENCE TO ANYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

The school are arses. They are holding you to ransom for your son's education. Its not only petty, its also irresponsible.

FWIW, the reason I wore trainers was because shoes caused me problems unless I had specially made insoles to support my feet. I was told that the trainers I had (which had some support in them rather than being really flat ones), in the absence of shoes with correctly fitted insoles were better for my knees, ankles and joints than wearing ill fitting shoes or shoes without insoles.

And thats the thing for me in this whole debate.

If the option is wearing poorly fitting shoes or wearing trainers, why are the school encouraging the former when they are more likely to cause pain or long term physical problems for a growing child? In the name of conformity, all other issues, including the welfare of the child are ignored.

Shoes are different from other pieces of uniform, which can be second hand. Shoes can't be. And shoes affect your posture (and therefore all your joints), poorly fitting shoes can restrict growth.

The school need a rocket up their backsides.

OP - have you got anywhere with the school? What have you decided to do?

Hiya, I left a message on his answering machine but not heard anything back.

If it's this important to him he can get back to me, I'm not chasing him, providing my son isn't put back into isolation over it. Then I'll just kill him

Not remotely unusual to not hear back from a HOY at this school.

You would probably find they would be falling over themselves to phone you back if youd mentioned in that message that you were going to talk to the local paper or that youd started the thread on here. Doesnt take much for these things to go viral!
Im disgusted with the school.
Saying that its bad for pupils to miss a day and then taking him out for a day and putting him in isolation.
Saying the point of a uniform is so you cant distinguish economically between pupils and then THEY discriminate themselves by putting him in isolation for the economic reason that you cant afford a new pair.
Why the fuck should you waste money on a cheap temp pair for just a matter of days.
That school are a bunch of hypocrites.
And as for the people on this thread suggesting Wonga loans. Hmm makes me wonder if its bitterness because they are in debt.

The suggestions to wear trainers to and from in future are good, but not always possible. I remember at my school, my shoes weren't at all comfortable (fine for sitting in class, not so great for walking around). So I took my black trainers with me. Wore them on the way in, stashed them in my locker for the day, put them on again when I left.

I was told not to wear them to or from school as it gave the wrong image. Never mind that I had to hike up and down a hill every day to get my bus. Never mind that I was hurting my legs and wearing through my shoes. Oh no. Couldn't possibly be seen in my uniform with trainers...

I was sixteen, and I distinctly remember being stuck in detention because I told this jobsworth to do one

And anyone suggesting loans or credit cards has clearly never lived on the poverty line. I don't even have an overdraft because I wouldn't be able to pay it back if I used it.

Hmm so they moaned about you wearing trainers to and from school because of "image"
But i bet if you were being bullied by another pupil on the way to or from school the school would have turned around and said
"Nothing to do with us. Its not happening on school property"
Id lay money on it!

But is your son back in normal classes or still in isolation?

Darkesteyes, you got it in one...

He's back in normal classes.

I asked my son about it all, any developments etc...? and had he seen the HOY. No, you see the HOY has been out on daytrips with the kids who are constantly in isolation (behavioural).

Raising morale no doubt.

Oh I'm glad he's back in classes!

Oh, that really stinks.

The reason these theads are always about shoes though, is because uniform is generally cheaper than own clothes, which does cause rampant bullying. And actually school shoes are cheaper than having to put them in branded trainers if they have to keep up with their friends.

I honestly think the HOY just wants to talk to you to check the facts. I run a guide unit, and would happily pay the subs myself if anyone couldn't afford it. But then when their 11yo turns up with an i-phone I can't afford, I tend to change my mind.

For a short period though, I would have thought they would turn a blind eye.

How do you know its not another relative whos bought them the i-phone though. Like a grandparent.
See i think this is the kind of attitude that pisses a lot of parents off. Its a bit Daily Mailish really.

Butterfingerz I don't have a credit card either. I can't actually get one. Bad credit rating due to tons of debt accrued when I was screwed over by my violent ex and then losing my job.

Not everyone has a credit card