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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he should buy a new fucking engagement ring!?

437 replies

BlueSuedeStiletto · 17/11/2012 23:48

I got a text from my ex fiance this morning saying:

"Hiya, this might sound a bit weird, but can I have the engagement ring back?? Think I may have found a new recipient!"

My face was like this Shock.

I've not seen him for a while- since I picked the last of my stuff up- and have been distancing myself, but he didn't mention anything when I saw him. I asked him when we split if he wanted the ring back, and he said no.

Obviously I don't wear the ring, but it still means something. And what woman in their right mind would want a ring chosen by a man's ex and worn by her for nearly 3 years? I think that's pretty insulting for both of us. AIBU??

OP posts:
stumblymonkey · 20/04/2016 06:16

Legally it was a gift and you have absolutely every right to keep it.

Ethically he is being a dick. Fairly horrifying to think he'd give it to someone else.

You never get a decent price for engagement rings so instead of selling it you can take it to a jewellers and have it melted down and made into a ring of your choosing that perhaps looks a bit less 'engagementy' or maybe have the solitaire on a necklace?

QuestionableMouse · 20/04/2016 06:19

Psst this was first posted in 2012 Monkey!

DameMargaretofChalfont · 20/04/2016 06:21

The BF concerned has probably married, raised a family and had a trial separation since this thread was first started!!!

MartinaJ · 20/04/2016 07:20

sell it and go on vacation

Aeroflotgirl · 20/04/2016 07:54

There is a good reason why he's an ex, what a cheapskate. If I found out my fiancee has done that, it would be a dealbreaker.

SoupDragon · 20/04/2016 08:21

this is a bloody zombie thread from 2012

dentydown · 20/04/2016 08:21

If it was new when it's bought, then it's yours to keep. If it's a family ring e.g his grandmother's, then you have to give it back. That's what I remember from phsme.

PleasePleasePleaseMN · 20/04/2016 09:05

Wish him well, tell him to come and pick it up, it's his ring.

Bollocks is it.

Sell it. Go on holiday.

blindsider · 20/04/2016 09:06

This is another of those areas where people confuse legal and illegal with right and wrong.

Unless you are a sad embittered harridan you should give it back if he asks for it.

If you had already sold it because he told you he didn't want it then fair enough, but you haven't so essentially you are being dog in the manger about it.

OfAllTheSausages · 20/04/2016 09:10

Unless you are a sad embittered harridan you should give it back if he asks for it.

Confused

Jesus. If I break up with dh do I get to demand everything I gave him back? What if I fall out with my mum, shall I ask for the clay ashtray I made her when I was 7? It's a gift and if you're in a couple you probably paid for half of it anyway with joint money.

OptimisticSix · 20/04/2016 09:13

I was going to suggest you message him along the lines of "congratulations, so happy for you, unfortunately I don't have the ring anymore I threw it into the sea one night - you did say to keep it when I offered it back... Anyway congratulations again."

But then I read what Zachary suggested - definitely that :D

Marmalade85 · 20/04/2016 09:16

Give him the ring back. Why would you want it?

slicedfinger · 20/04/2016 09:21

I wonder how it all worked out in 2012?

blindsider · 20/04/2016 09:27

Ofallthesausages

It's a gift and if you're in a couple you probably paid for half of it anyway with joint money.

Well that doesn't describe my idea of an engagement ring or the purchase thereof...

Ultimately it is as Maramalade85 states @ 06:16

gingerboy1912 · 20/04/2016 09:33

Tell him to get lost its your ring not his. Sell it. I sold both my engagement and wedding ring as soon as my divorce came through and bought a few charms for my pandora bracelet that my dcs had bought me. Rings represent feelings imo and once those feelings are gone I see no reason to hold onto it.

shoeaddict83 · 20/04/2016 09:33

Are people really still not understanding this is a zombie thread from 4 years ago!!!

AmserGwin · 20/04/2016 09:34

Sell it! I bet he only wants it back to sell it himself and keep the money

gingerboy1912 · 20/04/2016 09:35

GrinBlush didn't even notice. How on earth do this old threads get resurrected. ?

MangoMoon · 20/04/2016 09:48

I know it's a zombie, but just wanted to say that I still have my engagement ring from an engagement I broke off in 1999.
It has sentimental value for me, even though we broke up we still had a shared history and happy moments and the ring is a reminder of that.
I just think it's a bit shitty calling it 'weird' to keep something that has meaning to you.

angelos02 · 20/04/2016 09:56

I've been engaged twice and on both occassions I gave the ring back. I know it isn't a legal requirement but it wouldn't have felt right to keep them.

Quook · 20/04/2016 10:09

ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD

blindsider · 20/04/2016 10:11

So what?? It is just a vehicle for opinions.

I suspect every subject has been done to death on mumsnet over the years , it is pretty rare that something new turns up - it is just new to you....

SoupDragon · 20/04/2016 10:19

So what?? It is just a vehicle for opinions.

It matters because people are answering the OP WHICH IS FOUR FUCKING YEARS OLD as if it is still a problem for the OP. If you want to discuss the rights and wrongs of keeping an engagement ring, start a new thread that doesn't make people waste their time spouting nonsense whilst trying to help an OP who doesn't need it ,

RunnerOnTheRun · 20/04/2016 10:24

I guess he wants it back to sell it to buy a new one, or would he actually re-use the same ring? If so, what a man!! So personal and romantic. NOT. You are well rid! Ignore the text.

ParsleyTheLion1 · 20/04/2016 10:27

agree with Numberlock. Can't even believe he asked!!!

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