Widowed dad wants to holiday with us, at same time as DSis and friend. WWYD?

[ConchFritter]

Name changer.

Due to DH job we live abroad, far away from family in hot sunny place where people love to come for holidays. DH and I have toddler. I miss my family and friends but have not been able to come back to UK since summer 2011 when toddler was a small baby. I feel sad that our families are missing out on our child's baby days - Skype is not the same. However Dad and sister came out together and visited us last winter.

DSis is now coming to stay again, this time over Christmas and into Jan. Also coming with her is DHs best friend, our child's godfather. Sister and he are great friends and both single in their 30s. They are both fantastic fun. They are really excited about coming on holiday and seeing us. In my sister's case this is the first holiday she has been on without Dad since Mum died. (she is a very kind daughter and dad doesn't like to holiday on his own).

Now dad has suddenly asked if he can come too. I've said no because we have no bed to put him in (am paying to put up my sister and DH friend in a friend's 2 bed house while she is away for two weeks). There is no chance of getting a hotel room now without paying hundreds of pounds a night.

But also I know how much my sister needs a proper holiday with someone her own age having fun. And I don't think it is fair on DH friend to have dad along on his holiday either. I have not said anything about this to dad but I was pathetically hoping he might realize its a bit unfair on DSis to always send her holidays with him - she needs her own life too.

I've offered to have dad another time and to pay for a room for him ( we have no spare room) but he can't come til late spring.

But I feel awful about dad not seeing any family at Christmas.
And dad has not got back to me since I told him we had no room. I worry that he feels depressed and abandoned.

He actually has lots of friends, a heaving social and work life and is a great host and lovely company, I know heaps of people owe him meals and would love to have him round over the days of the festive season.

WWYD?

To turn this around, I am afraid I would be devestated if I was your dad ... sorry xx

I have no family, lots of people will invite me round over Christmas but I'll still feel like a nuisance - it is a time for families.

I'd have him round.

Has your sister always holidayed with him?

bless her she needs a break and he should really be able to see that. But he is grieving so its a tough one.

It's a 14 hour flight for two weeks.
And it will be him gate crashing the first get away from it all holiday my sister and friend have had for years. They have both saved up for it nd are really looking forward to it.

That's the problem. And we have nowhere to put dad.

:(

Oh just re read its christmas , hmm perhaps grin and bear , would he technically be alone for christmas?.

Couldn't you put your dad on an airbed? It is rotten for him to be isolated from his family at Christmas.

Mum died several years ago. Sorry, trying to to drip feed.
If I vanish it's because toddler about to wake from nap.
(it's early afternoon here)

Trying not to drip feed I meant, sorry

Does she live with him?
Does she do more for him than most daughters/is he quite demanding?

I think I would like Dad there as well....but It does seem a bit tricky. It is Christmas.....

You could always find room for your dad if you wanted to.
Christmas is about family, will he be alone?

How would he gate crash sis and friend's holiday? Why should the friend be allowed to spend Xmas with you but not your father?

Unless he's going to try to go out clubbing with them every night I don't see how he is going to ruin their holiday. Surely your sister and friend will do their own thing whilst you can catch up with df?

I see what you mean about your sister needing a holiday but it's Christmas and you have told him he can't spend it with his own children, so he's bound to be a bit on the sad side.

Do you have any other siblings? Is it the first Christmas since your mum died.

I know you say he has lots of friends and invites but it would be very sad for him to know his close family were having a great time without him. What will your dads presence prevent your sister from doing, meaning it won't be a an holiday or her?

He doesn't want to sleep on an air bed for two weeks in open plan sitting room with a toddler who wakes at 4.30am so no, there really isn't somewhere we could put him up for two weeks and the hotel rooms will be £hundreds a night even if available which is doubtful. Xmas and NY are peak season.

He would actually fly out on Boxing Day so he wouldn't be here for Christmas anyway. If you take Xmas out of it, he wants to come on my sister and DH's friend's winter sunshine dream fun holiday. He actually wanted to stay with them in the place Ive rented for them. But there are only 2 beds.

On Xmas day itself he will be working.

I feel awful because it is lose lose situation. Not fair on sister and friend and not fair on us and so sad for dad.
:(

you're matchmaking your sister and denying your dad chance to spend time with his daughters. he'll be lonely.

Do you like him?

I wouldn't want my father coming to stay.

Sister and friend arranged this months ago.
dad suddenly asked a few days ago to join in.

And I would absolutely hate to spend Christmas with my father.

Will he be alone?

ah come on folks, as if you don't know how a holiday with your aged father is not the same as one with friends your own age!

He's an adult, he can deal with it.

Your poor dad!!
I am sure you could find room to squeeze him in on a fold up bed !

Not matchmaking.
She is just friends with DH friend. Known each other for years. Socialize together in UK. Asked to come out here months ago. We were delighted to accept and find accommodation for them.

Dad had other Christmas plans but has decided he would rather join in with them and have last minute holiday and fly out boxing day.

He's hardly leaving it until the last minute... It's November 6th.
Could he have your room whilst you sleep on an air bed?

How would you feel if your dc wouldn't let you spend Christmas with them?

I think you're within your rights to say no to him. He has people he can spend Christmas with. Your poor sister has had to spend every holiday with him and now wants a proper holiday with people of her own age.

For those who say you should invite him and it won't make a difference to your holidays, think how you would feel if your first holiday without your dad was spoiled by him tagging along.

He's not being fair. You need to speak to him and tell him. Yes, invite him for a later date, but tell him no, he can't tag along on your sister's holiday.

Really can't see how it's your responsibility to pay for rooms/houses for ANY of them if you have no room in your own home?? Let them all com but let them fund themselves.