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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DDs friends to sleep over?

189 replies

ChristmasKate · 03/11/2012 11:12

DD is 10 and the eldest of 3, she went to her friends house for a sleep over last night and called before shoe came home to ask if her friend could sleep over tonight and I said no.

DD is sulking and friends mum looked a bit miffed when she dropped DD home.

I can't decide if I'm bu or not, I just like my evenings to myself!

OP posts:
GailTheGoldfish · 03/11/2012 11:15

If you don't reciprocate, the invites for DD to stay at other people's will soon dry up. So maybe a bit unfair to her?

lovebunny · 03/11/2012 11:17

not at all unreasonable.

we don't do sleepovers. my mum was dead set against such things - i think, but don't know for sure, that she was abused on a sleepover.

so i never did them and nor did my daughter, and i hope her little one won't either. at bedtime, and certainly by dark, offspring need to be at home.

accidentalchickenkeeper · 03/11/2012 11:18

A bit short notice so yanbu to have said no but it would bu to say no to sleepovers full stop. Perhaps arrange something for another night.

Nanny0gg · 03/11/2012 11:18

If you don't want to, that's fine.
But then it's not fair for your DD to go to them.

GhostShip · 03/11/2012 11:19

I think YABU. I think I'd rather them sleep at mine rather than someone elses so you know what they're up to.

It's nice for little girls to have sleepovers, and it wouldn't be fair if she stopped being invited, as Gail says.

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2012 11:20

I love sleepovers and so do my kids

But YANBU because of the short notice and the fact they'll probably be grumpy and shattered after last night.

Original poster
ChristmasKate · 03/11/2012 11:21

I don't want to have other children sleeping over full stop, I really like my evenings as they are without worrying about other people's children.

I have an open house during the day, the girls have a friend here til 5pm today for instance, I just like my wine evenings quiet?

OP posts:
mellen · 03/11/2012 11:22

If you have 3 children already an extra 10 year old wont make much difference. To say no as a one off is fine, but if you dont reciprocate this sort of thing people will notice.

Mrsrobertduvallsaysboo · 03/11/2012 11:25

Wouldn't do back to back ones. They'll be too tired and grumpy.
They are a treat in our house and only happen in holidays. Mine are 16 and 13.

GhostShip · 03/11/2012 11:25

It doesnt have to be everyday, even once a month?

Original poster
ChristmasKate · 03/11/2012 11:26

mellen an extra child makes them noisy and excitable, I'm done by 9pm and past sleepovers have meant DC'ren still awake at 11pm!

Maybe I'm doing so something wrong orders gags?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 03/11/2012 11:29

Then you have to not inflict your DD on others.

Simples.

Loshad · 03/11/2012 11:33

Agree with no to back to backs, but you can't morally accept sleepovers for your dc if you never intend to reciprocate.

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2012 11:34

Surely by the age of 10 they're old enough to settle down quietly and chat or watch a DVD?

My nearly 10yr old DS had a sleepover last week and when I went to bed about 1am, I crept in to turn their lamp off and they were both wide awake happily whispering and swapping football cards.

I suppose if they're going to disturb the whole house then YANBU to not allow it.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 03/11/2012 11:38

Why would you allow your dd to go to sleepovers then?

I'm not a huge fan but I wouldn't let my dd sleep over at her friends house knowing that I would never return the invitation.

Surely once every couple of months wouldn't be that bad? It's only one night?

But if you are definitley dead against having your DDs friends sleepover, you are going to have to think very hard about allowing your dd to sleep at her friends.

WilsonFrickett · 03/11/2012 11:39

IME parents only do sleepovers to get reciprocation. So it's fine if you don't want to do them, but your DCs invites will definitely dry up.

Mrsjay · 03/11/2012 11:42

YANBU it was short notice Id arrange for another night, we never did sleepovers as my dds share a bedroom but I think if you want your dd to go to sleepovers you do need to return the favour, but YANBU to say no after all it is your house too

GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 03/11/2012 11:42

I like sleepovers, they are great fun and a really good idea with an only child.

BUT I would never do back to back ones, as they get grumpy and ratty with each other, and never would agree to one sprung on me as a last minute request, that used to annoy me when dd tried that. She would have to ask for a sleepover a couple of days in advance.

We never did them all the time - it certainly wasn't every weekend and was usually restricted to the holidays - so it was classed as a real treat.

Now she is nearly 17 I have quite a few of her friends stay probably every other weekend - but that is different as I don't have to 'host' (just bloody feed 'em).

GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 03/11/2012 11:43

Yes to all those who say that it is a good idea to reciprocate if your dd goes on sleepovers.

honeytea · 03/11/2012 11:44

YABU, you shouldn't expect other parents to deal with your excited 10 year old if you are not willing to return the favour.

At 10 they should be old enough to understand they might disturb your younger kids, just set some rules, maybe no screaming/shouting after 7.30 and lights off at 10.

Original poster
ChristmasKate · 03/11/2012 11:44

The mum of the friend said she enjoys having DD as company for her DD as she Sian only child, 2 10 yr olds wouldn't be so bad but they wind the younger 2 up and make bedtime really hard work....

I'm feeling bad now, maybe I could arrange a sleep over but put all the clocks forward? Grin

OP posts:
niceguy2 · 03/11/2012 11:45

I'm sure we can all understand why you like your nice quiet evenings but frankly you are being incredibly selfish.

We all put up with stuff that we don't particularly want to do because they are our kids. DD & her BF regularly camp out in our lounge until quite late. Ideally I'd rather he wasnt here either. But it's as much her house as it is mine. And to have a blanket ban, well that's just the height of selfishness.

Ilovecrossfit · 03/11/2012 11:46

Well I think you were right at such a short notice. My son is 6 and he started to mention sleeps over, I did talk to his mum's friend and we agreed to plan one so she could stay at the same time.

My friend used to go sleep over, that was years ago, now the girl she used to go to is having a legal action agains her father sexually abusing her...my friend said he was always so lovely...that just shows you never know!

Viviennemary · 03/11/2012 11:46

I hated didn't much enjoy having sleepovers. But I endured them as the DC's liked having friends over and they liked going for sleepovers.

ImperialFireworksInMyKnickers · 03/11/2012 11:48

Agree with posters further up, I usually put up with one per holiday, in the knowledge that I will be able to offload my own when I need a baby-sitting favour. I tend to do really big ones and treat it as a marathon/penance. There were eight altogether at the last one, dear god.