To not want DDs friends to sleep over?

[ChristmasKate]

DD is 10 and the eldest of 3, she went to her friends house for a sleep over last night and called before shoe came home to ask if her friend could sleep over tonight and I said no.

DD is sulking and friends mum looked a bit miffed when she dropped DD home.

I can't decide if I'm bu or not, I just like my evenings to myself!

With the reciprocation, I think it's quite easy to feel taken advantage of when there's no give and take.

DD1 has a friend who spends a lot of time here. She sleeps here, comes round for tea, she comes over and both girls use our computer for homework, we feed her, taken her out places with us but DD1 has never been allowed round hers for even a couple of hours to play. I wouldn't stop her from coming over but I do feel a bit grrr about it.

On the other hand, DD1 has another friend, same sort of thing, sleeps here, we feed her, etc, and while they don't do sleepovers, they do feed my daughter, they take her out with them, etc, so reciprocate in other ways if you see what I mean.

But why would you feel taken advantage of if your child is having a nice time?

Well here was a thread on here whereby op,wad letting her 5 year old sleep,at night in the back garden.

In a tent

Posted too soon

With the first friend, she is an only child so parents regularly get child free nights and free baby sitting, and never returning the favour. Now, DD1 enjoys having her friend here, so I'd never put a stop to it but it does stick in the throat a bit

My BF and I have started having sleepovers for our DC - 5 and 6 and great friends. We take turns of piece each school holidays and have the boys for two nights. The frequency and duration means that our normal house rules apply. Bedtime is just a bit later than normal and food is what we normally have. The only additional work is planning activities to tire them out. Second night is always best imho.

My DS has started talking about sleepovers with school friends and I think he may be a little young. Having DC over for tea is fine for now.

I am happy to host DC's friends most of the time. People that are unwilling to reciprocate (without a good reason) are selfish. I look on it as I do my DS's choice of friends and wouldn't stop allowing friends over if my DS wanted to play. It would be on terms that suit my family and I wouldn't offer my help. I am happy to have one of my DS's friends over for tea/ over the holidays so they can play. However, I said no when his parents asked me to do wrap around school care one day a week. As nice as this child is, his parents take the piss.

I must be very lucky with the two kids I have to stay as I've never had them causing total chaos or staying up until stupid o'clock.

They have to tidy up after themselves - ok it's not Ideal Homes but at least they make an effort and lights out is usually around half 10.

Perhaps it helps that I'm good friends with both their mums - one lives round the corner and we've helped each other out with childcare since our girls met in Reception, and the little boy is the son of longstanding family friends. All three of us mum's have similar outlooks and boundaries which I guess must make quite a big difference when it comes to sleepover stress levels.

I should add it's never really occurred to me to worry about it being reciprocal. DD has been to her mate round the corner's a couple of time, but mum has a very full on job and friend shares a room with her little sister so not as practical.

Our other friends don't really have room for DD to stay over, but since they are amongst our best friends I'm not about to start keeping score.

YANBU to not want back-to-back sleepovers and YANBU to not want to do sleepovers at all either.

I'm really not keen on the kind of sleepover that involves lots of chikdren and no sleep. The kind where one friend/cousin slots in with the family, the children watch a DVD with some popcorn and then go to bed are a different thing. Having an activity the morning after is fun too :)

I loved sleepovers as a kid and at around 12/13 we would be around eachothers house's nearly every weekend(3 girls). All except for one girl whose parents wouldn't let us sleep over, in fact I only once even went around her house and her mum made us feel so uncomfortable as she hovered over us while we drank juice in the kitchen then shooed us out.

We always included her but found it a bit odd and I'm sure my parents did too.

The first few sleepovers were so exciting that sleep was impossible but after a while the fun remains but the wildness clams right down!

Killjoy to NEVER allow it. Suck it up, it's part of having kids to let their friends around sometimes. I get mine to bed at reasonable times, I am enormously soft and if I can be that firm anyone can.

Back to back sleepovers would be nutso except in summer hols, though.

I think it depends upon the children involved and your experiences of how they are likely to behave.
DD1 is 10. Her friends are lovely, sensible girls. It is giggling, DVDs, snacks and a bit of mess. They don't keep anyone awake or disrupt the other children.
DD2 is 5. I just relented and allowed her to have her first sleepover with 2 friends. It was a total fucking nightmare!
Refusal to eat 'proper' food, constant begging for 'more sweets', arguing, banging about, telling tales.
It culminated in one child waking me at 3am to demand some hot chocolate. I told her she could have a cup of water and to go back to bed. She said 'But my Mummy would let me'.
I could gladly have put them in the garden/ airing cupboard, local church.

I advised the other girls' mothers that reciprocity was neither required, or advisable for a year or so.

DD3 is 8 months. We have a decent window before we need to think about that one!

I don't do sleepovers and DH absolutely refuses to have the responsibility of other peoples children overnight. DS has been to a couple of sleepovers but he says he doesn't enjoy it very much and much prefers his own bed.DD has stayed at a very close family friends house once but I don't think she'd be keen on staying anywhere else.She actually sleepwalks so we use that as an excuse!!
She has been invited to several sleepovers to celebrate friends birthdays from school, but, although I know the children, I don't know the parents;I wouldn't let DD stat overnight at a strangers house so why should school friends be any different?

OP I agree with people in general that if you don't want them in your place, don't accept invites to other people's... no fair.

My DS11 has no interest in sleepovers... he's a home bird. DD9 does but after our one experience with a very good friend of hers in our house, they got very little sleep and she behaved so badly the next day through tiredness that we've shelved it. She has a very good social life anyway so not hard done by.

Interestingly, sleepovers never featured for me until I was over 12 (I don't think they did for anyone at the time) and looking back, that seems totally right and proper and I don't have any issues with it.

Also, agree with you lisa under no circs would my child do a sleepover with any family I didn't already know very well.... I also wouldn't take responsibility for a child here whose family I didn't already know very well. Not saying that's a catch all but for us it's a pretty good rule of thumb.