To not want DDs friends to sleep over?

[ChristmasKate]

DD is 10 and the eldest of 3, she went to her friends house for a sleep over last night and called before shoe came home to ask if her friend could sleep over tonight and I said no.

DD is sulking and friends mum looked a bit miffed when she dropped DD home.

I can't decide if I'm bu or not, I just like my evenings to myself!

Definately not being unreasonable to do a sleepover tonight. However it would be unreasonable to never do them.

Who in their right mind does 2 sleepovers in one weekend? Those that want a vile over tired on Sunday???

Infact I think the other mother was rather rude to show she was miffed. Did she do last nights with the ulterior motive of having a babysitter for tonight. Had your DD already invited her DD back to stay for tonight without checking with you first??

I think you always get parents like that who don't do their fair share Greenshadow

One of DD2 best friends parents are like this. We've known them since the children were 3 and we've done much much more with her than they have done with my dd.

I finally realised with parents like that, it is best not to expect anything back. I do things like trips out, running them around and sleepovers for my dd and I would never ask her to pick the friend based on whether the parents would reciprocate.

The thing is as these DC get older, they know their parents are mean, and they often feel embarrassed about it.

Yep, you don't want to hurt the child's feelings just because their parent is a bit of a taker.

Whois that was very rude, I'm sure you didn't mean it that way .

I know from experience with DD1 what sleepovers are like. Kids don't sleep and are unbearable to live with the next day.

I have epilepsy. Broken nights bring my seizure level up

DD2 has learining disabilities and gets very tired.

Therefore IMO sleepovers are not a goer for DD2

I've never done sleepovers. I really don't see the point to be honest. My house is just not capable of housing one, and we have odd working patterns, so not practical, anyway. My daughter gets asked to sleepover still,though (nearly 16!!).
However, I am the one who picks up kids and drops them off on evenings out or other times when they need picking up. No other parent seems to want to do this.
I don't like the idea that somehow being friends with someone means you HAVE to reciprocate with everything. Some of us just don't have the time or money to do these things.

But at 16, it doesn't take time or money jam. At that age, wouldn't they just spent most the time in her room anyway?

...or patience.

Feel envious of those of you whose children have their own bedrooms. It is more difficult when children of big age differences share a room to have unstressy sleep overs.

It gets more expensive as they get older, they eat more and stay up later than you!

Your right Sunflower, very difficult then and that is certainly a very valid reason.

Sometimes ours sleep in the living room - they make a den of chairs and sheets and pretend they are camping!

As I said...house not cut out for it. Daughter's room can just fit single bed in,with a cupboard in the wall and a built in desk in an alcove. No room for anyone to sleep on the floor...too narrow. My 2 boys share a room. and then there is our bedroom. I'd rather not have a sleepover in the living room.

The time and money thing was meant as reciprocating other activities ,to be honest, and when children were younger...

Sounds fun Greenshadow!!

fortifiedwithtea you're right it was a bit rude. I didn't actually mean to offend you.

But to NEVER do a sleep over for her seems sad. Could you really not have one sensible friend over and enforce a normal-ish bedtime? Have a normal tea. Watch some DVDs with a bit of popcorn in their PJs then off to bed?

I dont think the lack of reciprocation is an issue for DC. My DD13 has a friend stay here a lot who has a baby sister so her Mum wont have sleepovers there which is fair enough.

For me personally I will take annoying sleepovers over some of the things that DD could be getting up to at her age !

Always interesting to see other peoples points of view on mn. My dd is too young (6) to have a sleepover but I can't wait until she can. I loved having them when I was younger and think it is such a special thing for kids to do.

We had a pretty much open house when I was little and I loved my childhood. My parents still have the same approach (they hosted a couple of my friends who were over from France last weekend as we don't have a spare room). Always find it wierd when people don't like having others in their house. Seems a bit joyless.

I agree with Jam's point - you do what you can, and other parents do what they can. I give lifts all the time to loads of my ds's mates but don't resent the fact he never gets lifts back - circumstances are such that his mates parents can't do it. I'm not going to stop offering a lift because he's friendly with someone whose parents don't drive / haven't got a car / work shifts and are out at that time / have baby or toddler they can't leave in bed / whatever.
My dd1 went to several sleep overs at one friends house throughout Primary, but, she never slept here. Never stopped her being invited. He parents liked the whole sleepover 'thing' I'm not so keen. End of.
Over the years I've invited children here that my dc have never been to their houses - so what ? If my dc wants a friend to play, they choose who they want to ask, we don't get out a tick list of who has invited them most often.

Yes Jamie I did not want to face that she might have Autism, fast forward 2.5 years she has a dx of Autism

That's always been my thoughts gettingeasier

If they're under your roof you kind of know what they're up to hopefully

YABU
I have Dsd's best friend round for tea every week and she probably stays around once a month. I Can't stand her but she is dsd's friend and they enjoy it so that's all that matters.
Because the friends mum has 3 younger dc's we don't mind that she doesn't reciprocate but its usually because all they do at hers is eat chips and watch 18 films (they are 12) and i prefer to know what they are doing

Sorry, I don't mean to give the impression that everyone should do sleepovers.

I do understand why some people don't or can't.

I'm like you OP. I accept sleepover invitations for my 4 but let the other mums know we won't be reciprocating. I hate having other people's kid here during the say, it really puts me on edge so the thought of having them here overnight completely does my head in.
Mine don't get as many invites as they might but they still get some. I try and make up for it by doing lots of party pick ups and drop offs!

That s fantastic hecarte . I guess we don't kno what happens in the future. At the moment it's a bt doom and gloom and being in an Autistic school because they generally have oroblems with relationships friendships ar off the cards

I don't do them often either - DS still gets invited to loads. He likes going to them and never asks to have them here. (we don't have good computer games) I figure some parents prefer to have the kids at home, and some prefer them to be out and it all works out somehow.

whois not practical for afew years to come. When DD1 has a sleepover DD2 gose to bed abit late abit overexcited. We stay in the lounge with the teens the only room in the house with a telly. We watch a DVD with them and then leave them to it. They sleep stay up most of the night on the sofabed and other seatee. Next morning friends go home eventually, usually lunchtime. DD1 horrid.

DD2 bedroom is the box room and too small to squeeze another child in.

My parents never let us have sleepovers, we rarely had friends round for tea, or to play so eventually people stopped inviting us.

I let my DC have sleepovers quite often. We live rurally so, TBH, it is easier than one of us or their friends' parents going out to pick them up later in the evening. Saying that, DS1 didn't/doesn't like them, he likes his space and doesn't like people in his bedroom so it is usually DS2 who has them.

YANBU not to have them, but you should expect your DD to stop getting invited to them.