Dp totally flipped out, says it's my fault?

[snowflakesoutside]

Yesterday evening, normal enough we're watching tv and looking on net for a nice recipe for the weekend.

Then I started to show him a toy castle which I wanted us to get for ds, he looks and nods, doesn't seem too interested. Says Christmas is ages away anyway, and we'd be better of just looking in Toys R Us at the weekend. So I say that perhaps, but this ones on offer and Toys R Us can be expensive, then go and find the same one there and show him. Then he says "what does it do anyway, does it have a lift or anything or else what's he going to do just look at it?". By this point I'm bemused and point out that if it was a dolls house he wouldn't be saying that and how kids don't need a toy to be all singing all dancing to play they'll make their own game.

It went on for another few minutes with me then showing him another toy ans asking what he thought about that and he just snapped saying he wasn't interested right now and just wants to relax and to just forget it, I snapped back asking what's up with him tonight and he's being a bit selfish to which he told me to fuck off and threw the tv remote hard across the room at the table so the back came off and the batteries flew out, also knocked the vase off the table and water all up the wall, and bounced off the table smashing ds's digger in two. Then he stormed out, I went after him asking what the hells up with him and can he go and pick up the mess. I was standing in the hall in front of the front door and he grabbed me by the wrists to drag me out of the way. He grabbed me so hard that afterwards me wrists were red raw and I have a small bruise today and he stormed out.

He came back in afterwards and just blamed me. He said I pushed him too far, and that if I hadn't tried to stop him going out he wouldn't have hurt my arms. All he kept saying is he hadn't done anything wrong and I kept on at him when all he wanted to do was relax and watch tv. Then he softened and did apologise and said he was tired. But it wasn't until later on that he really aknowledged he'd even done anything wrong and even then he said I was pushing him too far.

I didn't even realise until this morning that ds digger had smashed and had to lie to ds who spotted it straight away and say I must have stood on it by accident. The remotes also broke now and the back won't clip on properly.

So this remote flew across the room, hit a table, then had the power to knock a vase full of water over, then rebounded and still had the power to break a child's toy clean into two pieces? When kids toys of that age are designed to withstand being thrown around?

Has no-one questioned this?

Really?

You clearly haven't been banned as you are still posting .

I am finding the description of mnhq banning someone for effectively just name changing quite extraordinary.

Bouncing remotes, power cuts, double ids and mnhq getting all Alan Sugar for no good reason is making this thread quite fantastical.

I'm so upset with the way this thread has gone.

here is the digger that got broken, although I will probably be accused of breaking my sons digger in two now to prove a point.

The only reason I have been able to repost is because I have rejoined but will no doubt get banned again. The table is a small side table in the corner of the lounge and the digger was sat on the floor at the side.

I 'think' that the reason I have been banned is because I have posted about me and dp maybe 3 or 4 times over the last couple of months and have namechanged and changed minor details like ds age as I didn't want to be outed or told 'oh you posted before and we told you to leave him then'.

Putting two and two together I'm guessing I was reported for posting under two names, mn have got suss and banned me. I know for sure I've never said anything offensive so it's certainly not for that.

This is the message I sent to mn

I'm contacting you with regards to a thread I creating and posted on Mumsnet on Tuesday night, since then I have been completely banned from the site.

Could you give me a brief explanation as to why this is, reading your talk guidelines I'm assuming this is because I've created a multiple ID and changed minor details in posts such as my childs age, the reason for this is because I wished to remain completely annonymous and ask for advice on a particular situation rather than people looking back at previous threads and say 'oh but you were told this then', mumsnet has been a big support to me at a difficult time I don't believe I've said anything offensive just asked for lots of relationship advice.

I am actually a genuine poster and feel a bit let down at a time when chatting to other parents and women and being able to vent somewhat annonymously has been a huge means of support.

But I've had no reply so not sure why.

Really upset because I'm just someone who's found mn a real help to offload at a bad time when I'm trying to get out of a relationship I've been unhappy in for a while but finding it hard.

Anyway, I'll prepare for a load of nasty replies and to just be banned straight away but it's really, really frustrating to basically not be believed and not even able to reply and defend myself or even respond to a few really supportive people.

But you are posting so you haven't been banned

pag i had to completely rejoin just to post.

Tbh I don't understand.
I don't think mnhq ban lightly and they are perfectly tolerant of people name changing or the sake of annonimity.

Why don't you report your own post and ask them again

My gut reaction after reading that is he is panicking about Christmas . Are there money issues ? Or family problems?

Well I don't fully understand myself, I'm assuming I'm banned because when I tried to come back last night I couldn't log in with my usual id and password.

I will report it now and ask them to explain but I did last night and within 10-15 minutes I was kicked off.

It's really frustrating because I've had no explanation and am now being called a liar which was, I thought the complete opposite of what mn is supposed to be about.

I'll ask them again although don't expect I'll be able to reply afterwards. Not going to keep joining up again just for the sake of defending myself.

Silly question snowflakes, but were you still namechanged when you tried to log in using your normal name? Cause I dont think it will let you log in unless its with the right current name?

I've also found that when posting under a namechange, it sometimes automatically logs you out when you'd still be logged in with your normal name. Theres a "keep me logged in" checkbox onnthe login screen that automatically unchecks when you namechange :)

I was using a different log in completely not just namechanging. And I think that's where I've made the mistake.

Ah. Darn, thought I'd solved it for you then.

Have you tried emailing MNHQ? Would be better to discuss directly with them rather than on this thread I think.

Use the 'Contact Us' link at the very bottom of this page, under Help & Information. Hope you manage to clear this up.

I should have just namechanged but last time I posted a thread, went back to it a few days later and posted in my regular name forgetting myself, so I thought it was 'safer' to just do a new login, yes sounds a bit mad but it makes sense in my head! Reading the talk guidelines it does say not to do that, so that's the only reason I can think of.

Just wish mn would respond even if just to say we're sick of all your relationship dramas so sod off. I know usually they respond quickly.

Yes I have but I'm going to leave now as I'm probably not really helping myself.

It's just not nice that people were speculating I might have things going on but if I wanted to create stories I'd write a book or something.

Thank you anyway to all the people who offered advice.

Ah, sorry, you did say upthread didn't you? Should have read more carefully.

I'm sure it will all get sorted ok. Don't feel you have to leave MN, really. I think a lot of people on this thread 'got' where you were coming from.

Still think you were NBU

FWIW - the outburst last night from him was unreasonable. He should not have laid a hand of you. He sounds like an overgrown child. You need to think about whether you actually want another child to be dealing with.

I hope it all works out for the best for you snowf

Op am really sorry you have felt got at by some of the posts. (Fwiw I have sometimes changed details like ages and so on when posting personal stuff.) He sounds like an emotional bully. I'm just curious why you're still living apart after 4.5 years? Is he younger than you? Does he live with his parents still? I wouldn't be surprised if he is still molly coddled by his mum. He sounds like he is used to getting his own way.

I suspect that namechanging is one thing, but posting under a different log in would be seen to be more suspicious by MNHQ - especially when you slipped up and posted on this thread under a different name.

I don't understand why you would use a new name, rather than just namechange tbh.

yes you were annoying but that is not a good reason for physical abuse.

Snowflake, I'm pretty sure if you we're banned mnhq would at least contact you to explain why. I think posters usually get a warning first before being banned. You weren't being malicious so i cant see why you'd be banned. Is it possible you've just mixed up your passwords or something? I know you might be feeling that its likely that you're being 'punished' for doing something 'wrong'. Being with an abusive partner can make you feel like that. Posting in AIBU - especially on a topic like this - can't be easy for you either. I hope you stay for some support.