Dp totally flipped out, says it's my fault?

[snowflakesoutside]

Yesterday evening, normal enough we're watching tv and looking on net for a nice recipe for the weekend.

Then I started to show him a toy castle which I wanted us to get for ds, he looks and nods, doesn't seem too interested. Says Christmas is ages away anyway, and we'd be better of just looking in Toys R Us at the weekend. So I say that perhaps, but this ones on offer and Toys R Us can be expensive, then go and find the same one there and show him. Then he says "what does it do anyway, does it have a lift or anything or else what's he going to do just look at it?". By this point I'm bemused and point out that if it was a dolls house he wouldn't be saying that and how kids don't need a toy to be all singing all dancing to play they'll make their own game.

It went on for another few minutes with me then showing him another toy ans asking what he thought about that and he just snapped saying he wasn't interested right now and just wants to relax and to just forget it, I snapped back asking what's up with him tonight and he's being a bit selfish to which he told me to fuck off and threw the tv remote hard across the room at the table so the back came off and the batteries flew out, also knocked the vase off the table and water all up the wall, and bounced off the table smashing ds's digger in two. Then he stormed out, I went after him asking what the hells up with him and can he go and pick up the mess. I was standing in the hall in front of the front door and he grabbed me by the wrists to drag me out of the way. He grabbed me so hard that afterwards me wrists were red raw and I have a small bruise today and he stormed out.

He came back in afterwards and just blamed me. He said I pushed him too far, and that if I hadn't tried to stop him going out he wouldn't have hurt my arms. All he kept saying is he hadn't done anything wrong and I kept on at him when all he wanted to do was relax and watch tv. Then he softened and did apologise and said he was tired. But it wasn't until later on that he really aknowledged he'd even done anything wrong and even then he said I was pushing him too far.

I didn't even realise until this morning that ds digger had smashed and had to lie to ds who spotted it straight away and say I must have stood on it by accident. The remotes also broke now and the back won't clip on properly.

Five. So you have been together for a while. Has your DS come out with the gem "You're not my dad, you can't tell me what to do" yet?

Because he will. At some point between now and age 16.

How would your partner react to that?

No ds has never said anything like that and if he did dp would probably stick his bottom lip out and sulk and say ds hates him and what's the point.

The other things are the general sulking, throwing mood swings because he's tired/hungry, negativity about things, I do wonder how the sulking will effect ds eventually, laziness.

OP, do you find yourself letting this man have sex on you so he doesn't have another tantrum? It wouldn't surprise me...

Your DS hasn't said anything like that YET. Age 7-12 that kicks in.

The fact that you say he would sulk tells me a lot, tbh.

That's not a man, it's a manchild.

Sulking. Does he give you the silent treatment when you don't agree on things?

That is classed as emotional abuse, you know.

EA, DV. Sounds like a great catch tbh.

Laziness - does he leave messes behind him? Actually, you've already said he does. Does he moan if your house is untidy?

Again, that stuff throws red flags up for me.

And combined with everything else, that sets off my 'run got the hills and don't look back' Klaxon.

I've already done this in a fledgling relationship recently. Run for the hills because of the behaviours you are talking about.

I wonder, what was your relationship with your DS's father like? And your relationship with your parents?

He doesn't live with you, he's not your son's father and he's physically aggressive, sulky, attention-seeking and displaying highly immature behavior that I'd have found unacceptable in my teenagers.
He may be good with your DS, many men are good with children that are easy, it's not rare or special to be a decent human being.
But you should end this relationship right now, it is currently very harmful to you, even if you find that hard to see and it will be very damaging for your DS in the future. I am surprised you have put up with him for so long. He has a history of infantile and manipulative behaviour, and that is unlikely to change.

FYI - OP has now re-posted in Relationships (but not moved this thread over)

I've hidden Relationships, I'm too impatient and not very helpful!

It sounds more and more like this is not a great man to have around your son but also that you will put up with it.

It's clearly DV.

It's unacceptable.

I'm sure you were very annoying.
I would probably have walked out if I was annoyed. I wouldn't have spoken to you, perhaps; if I was really offended, I might not even have looked at you. I wouldn't have touched you.

That really is a line too far.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz
If I had spent the majority of a childs life (DP has been in DS's life since age 6months) raising them as my own etc and had them then turn around and tell me "Your not my mother you can't tell me what to do etc" I to would be upset and would likely sulk a little does that make me a womanchild? I think any parent would be upset in this situation!
Your opinion is very extreme imo, you are in typing message after message guessing at things and labelling this man before you've even received answers to your previous question!

Oh OP you really are stuck in some abusive cycle here aren't you

To be honest, it doesn't sound great, but I don't know the background. I am trying to visualise the argument.

Throwing objects is bad, but I don't think it's the worst thing in the world. Better to take it out on an object than a person.

I do think you should have judged the situation better than to block someone's way and keep going on at them when they are clearly trying to storm off, presumably to cool down. Did he actually ask you to move out of the way first, or just drag you? Not that it justifies him dragging you by the wrists, but blocking someone's way physically is also an aggressive act. If a woman posted on here saying her DH/DP wouldn't let her leave the house and was blocking the front door during an argument then what would we all think?

'general sulking, throwing mood swings because he's tired/hungry, negativity about things'

He sounds like a small child and a teenager rolled into one. The stuff about his reactions if he feels you're not giving him enough attention would be a big red flag for me.

Sorry, no constructive advice but I think this incident is absolutely not your fault. He sounds appalling.

OMFG at all these wonderful women who have never pissed their OHs off, what a travesty that OP dared to attempt a discussion about christmas presents with a (violent, aggressive bastard) 'D'P who could have at least tried to show some enthusiasm. Urgh some women make me sick. 'Overreaction' is a fucking gross understatement.

Well thanks a bunch mumsnet.

Just to clarify, I am not a troll I am a genuine poster.

I made the mistake last night of creating a new ID to post this thread as I wanted to be annonymous, I have a 'regular' ID which I usually use and have posted about my relationship, I lost internet connection half way through posting and logged back in automatically under my usual ID without thinking. Came back on to catch up on replies to find I've been banned, contacted MN to explain and requested a response but just got banned again and completely ignored.

As I say not trolling just someone who is trying hard to get out of an unhappy relationship and wanted to ask advice on a particular situation rather than be judged on previous posts or be outed.

Sweetheart, this is not a healthy relationship.

Everyone can be annoying. I'm bloody annoying sometimes and so is every person I know and love.

He put his hands on you, totally disallowed whatever the context.

Get shot of him and find someone you're compatible with.

Umm snowflakes, you seem to have posted upthread in another name, you might want to check that, wonder if that has anything to do with it...?

I know I have explained to mumsnet, I lost connection and logged back in under my usual id. The only reason I namechanged was to be anonymous.

Report it and get it deleted so theres no link? :)

I have and got banned, I think mumsnet think I'm trolling. I'm really not.

How weird. Surely if they thought you were trolling they'd lock the thread? Or even delete it? And what harm would deleting one post do?

Weird because it was pretty obvious it was you posting under the other name, not trolly at all.

Have they emailed you?

Have they banned both accounts (clearly not if you are here)?

You can NC without starting a new account, did you know how to do that? I'd have thought explaining how to do it would be more useful than banning you...