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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this mum shouldn't have brought her other child?

142 replies

SmoothOperandus · 27/10/2012 19:49

I don't know the parents of the other children at my DD's class because the childminder takes her to school. My DD had been talking about this other girl and boy with whom she plays a lot, so I got in touch with their respective mums to arrange a playdate. As we don't know each other, I extended the invitation to them as well and said that other siblings would be welcome too. Mum 1 arrived with her DS, an absolute treasure of a boy, he behaved beautifully all afternoon. Mum 2 arrived with her DD who is my DD's friend, lovely little girl, played beautifully too. Now, Mum 2 also brought DS, a 3 YO. Now I'm sorry to say he was a little terror. He screamed the whole entire afternoon, gave me a horrendous headache, interrupted our conversation constantly... but worse still, when I was having coffee with the mums downstairs and he was playing upstairs, he caused absolute mayhem. He was extremely destructive, breaking toys, tearing pages off books, banging toys against the doors and chipping the paint off and causing several dents... I was very shocked when I went upstairs after everyone had left and saw the damage. I understand that he's only 3 but surely the mum shouldn't have let him off her sight if that's how he behaves!

OP posts:
Emmielu · 27/10/2012 19:51

Maybe he was unsure how to act round other peoples houses or maybe it was a mix of that and the fact there was no one else his age to play with?

Portofino · 27/10/2012 19:51

You ARE joking right?

Original poster
SmoothOperandus · 27/10/2012 19:52

Who me? About what?! Confused

OP posts:
Mintyy · 27/10/2012 19:53

But you extended the invitation to siblings ... ?

I do agree that she could have kept a closer eye on him.

rhondajean · 27/10/2012 19:53

You did say siblings welcome - unfortunately everyone doesn't have the same standards for their children's behaviour.

Original poster
SmoothOperandus · 27/10/2012 19:54

Yes of course I extended the invitation to siblings because I know how tricky it can be otherwise. But surely that doesn't mean that I should be prepared to have children in my house who cause damage to my property, right?

OP posts:
halloweeneyqueeney · 27/10/2012 19:54

She was not being unreasonable to bring him as you did invite siblings

but she was UR to not supervise him, most parents of 3YOs keep tabs on them and step in if their behaviour is destructive

I might be inclined to invite family 1 a bit more than family 2 in the future.. or now that they've been once perhaps offer a drop and run tea/playdate

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 27/10/2012 19:54

She brought him because you said she could!

But YANBU in thinking she should have kept a closer eye on him!

FeckOffCup · 27/10/2012 19:54

YABU to think she shouldn't have brought him after all you said it would be ok to being siblings. YANBU to think she should have supervised him.

rhondajean · 27/10/2012 19:55

No of course not! But obviously she thinks his behaviour is fine.

And therein lies the issue...

WildWorld2004 · 27/10/2012 19:55

You did say siblings welcome.

For all that to happen he obviously wasnt being watched properly. In my house i am the one to make sure everyone behaves themselves as every house has different rules & the other parents wont know what is allowed & what isnt.

halloweeneyqueeney · 27/10/2012 19:55

if mum 2 was so useless then there'd be no loss in hosting a drop n run anyway would there

they don't always have to meet as a 3some do they? have family 1 round with the mum and have kid 2 round alone

Runningblue · 27/10/2012 19:56

YANBU in that it is crap parenting to leave a child causing havoc and damage to toys and books, whilst they are in your home. I have had similar with one play date and it was a bit gutting as DS looks after his toys so well!

That said you do sound a BU with the interruption of your chat etc - the mum is probably worn down by it daily, and either gets out with little darling thru gritted teeth, or would go potty at home.

Original poster
SmoothOperandus · 27/10/2012 19:57

She did say that her son was 'spirited' and that if he had been her first he would have remain an only child. And all along her spirited child was upstairs causing damage.

OP posts:
jenesaispas · 27/10/2012 19:58

Having had 3 of this type of DS that you describe I would have either not brought him, pretended I was busy and not come at all, or hovered over him non-stop.

However, he is only a 3 year old boy.

I have had excruciating afternoons like this, where I had no idea that they were going to behave that way (it wasn't constant!), and I was just desperate to leave asap.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 27/10/2012 19:58

Yabu about the invite given that you extended it to siblings. She should have supervised him but I happen to think 3 is too young to be unsupervised upstairs in a strange house. If I have a group of children playing at mine and one is too young to be unsupervised then I make them all stay downstairs where we can see them.

Campari · 27/10/2012 19:59

Dont invite them round again. Its your house, your rules.

Original poster
SmoothOperandus · 27/10/2012 20:00

Sorry by interrupting our chat I mean that we couldn't hear each other talk through his constant screams whenever he was downstairs. All the kids kept coming downstairs to show us their drawings and how they were getting dressed up in costume, and that was lovely.

OP posts:
Sprite21 · 27/10/2012 20:00

I don't see what she could have done with the 3 year old if she hadn't brought him. Surely paying a Childminder is a bit much to ask. Maybe she could have supervised him more closely but if you're sitting downstairs with the other mum she may have felt rude insisting on sitting upstairs.

socharlotte · 27/10/2012 20:03

Well did you expect the mum to go upstairs with her 3 yo, when you were serving her coffee downstairs.Or did you expect her DS to sit quietly downstairs whilst the others were all upstairs??
Also how do you know it was him who caused all the damage?

Campari · 27/10/2012 20:03

"spirited" usually means "badly behaved little shit."

Original poster
SmoothOperandus · 27/10/2012 20:04

So some of you are saying that I am being unreasonable because I am complaining about this kid's behaviour but I invited siblings? I don't get it. So if I'm kind enough to try to make things easier for others, you know, just give them the option, even though today is a Saturday and other siblings could have stayed at home with their dads, like Mum 1 did, it is fine that this happened to my property because I did say siblings could come??

OP posts:
halloweeneyqueeney · 27/10/2012 20:06

now YABU if you think that its still the norm for both parents to be off all weekend, most families I know these days has at least one parent working at least one of the days out of the weekend!

Original poster
SmoothOperandus · 27/10/2012 20:07

Socharlotte I know it was him because my husband has his office in the loft and went downstairs when he heard all the banging, to find this little boy banging the doors with lightsabers. He took the lightsaber out of his reach and went back up to work. Only to hear banging again, and finding doing something else. Then he realised the torn pages and two broken figurines and all the other 3 kids told my dh what happened. After that my DH stood there and followed the boy around to make sure to further damage was caused.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 27/10/2012 20:07

Your question was, are you being unreasonable to think she shouldn't have brought the child, and you are, because you invited him.

You are not unreasonable to have expected him to respect your home and property and his mother to supervise him. However as I've said before, different people have different styles and standards.

This is why I just don't invite children/parents round!

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