Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to tell DD2 that it's her birthday today?

194 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 26/10/2012 15:47

She is 4 today but because my DH went to work after she got up and won't be home until she is in bed and her party is tomorrow we have told her that her birthday is tomorrow. I thought it was a good idea and my other DC's have gone along with it and not said anything, but people in work think we are awful for doing this, what do you think?

OP posts:
usualsuspect3 · 26/10/2012 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCantSayAnything · 26/10/2012 15:49

I think it's a bit odd tbh. when this happens with my DDs I make them a special breakfast...they have family gifts and maybe a small day out or visit from Granny for tea and a cake.

The the party is for friends...so more gifts....I can't think it will do her HARM as such but I wouldn't be comfy doing it.

CailinDana · 26/10/2012 15:49

It doesn't make a blind bit of difference to her, so I don't see why not.

Petsinmyputridpudenda · 26/10/2012 15:50

No idea why you would lie - Its not uncommon for someone to have to work on their kids birthday, such is life

NBut if you want to and she is unaware then whatever

Salmotrutta · 26/10/2012 15:50

I rather agree with your work mates.

Hmm

Odd thing to do.

ginmakesitallok · 26/10/2012 15:50

I think it's weird. Why not just tell her it's her birthday today but still have her party tomorrow Confused

noisytoys · 26/10/2012 15:50

YABU surely at 4 your DD knows when her birthday is? She may feel forgotten Sad

Trills · 26/10/2012 15:51

Anyone old enough to read a calendar is old enough to deal with the fact that birthdays are not always celebrated on the exact day.

Anyone not old enough to read a calendar doesn't ever need to know.

At 4 she could fall into either of these groups...

CailinDana · 26/10/2012 15:51

I doubt a 4 year old can tell the date.

Salmotrutta · 26/10/2012 15:51

What if a GP phones up to say Happy Birthday - do they have to lie to her too?

usualsuspect3 · 26/10/2012 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zipadeedoodah · 26/10/2012 15:51

I changed my twins birthdays to either side of their real birthday so they always have their own day and in the middle day which is actually their birthday it's just a normal day - YANBU because you are doing it in your child's best interests

halcyondays · 26/10/2012 15:52

I don't see the point in lying about it. ConfusedWhy not just tell her that it's her birthday today, and that she's having her party tomorrow so daddy can be there?

WiseKneeHairStandingOnEnd · 26/10/2012 15:52

Surely she is old enough to understand that it is her birthday, but that she'll get her presents and party tomorrow?
Certainly did this with DS1's 5th birthday.
Have done the not telling and celebrating on another day with DS3 for his 1st and 2nd brithday as I was away for both of them. Obviously, at that age though he didn't have any idea that it was his birthday.

MrsCantSayAnything · 26/10/2012 15:52

Not really Zip it is v odd. You can''t continue to lie to a child....it's not right.

3dolls · 26/10/2012 15:53

I don't think it's odd with a young child tbh. We did it with one of our DC when the birthday fell on the same day as bil & sil's wedding. Made no difference to DC.

miaowmix · 26/10/2012 15:54

Can't you just hve a birthday tea for her today and party tomorrow? Lying about it is weird, plus at 4 she could easily know it's her actual birthday.

haggisaggis · 26/10/2012 15:54

My kids "birthdays" were always on Saturday or Sunday until they started school. It made absolutely no difference to them and meant they could have an exciting day with both parents around insetad of getting sent to nursery or granny's. When dd was 4 her actual birthday would have been the Saturday - but becaus a wee boy at nursery was having his party that day (and she and all her friends were invited) I moved her birthday (and her party) to the Sunday. She didn't know and didn't care - and all my family were happy with it.

headfairy · 26/10/2012 15:54

At 4??? I think it is a bit odd. Fine for maybe a 2 year old, 3 tops. But it's just lying and I think a four year old is more than capable of processing the fact that although today is her birthday you're all celebrating tomorrow when no one's at work and she can have her party. DS certainly understood that concept at 4.

usualsuspect3 · 26/10/2012 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta · 26/10/2012 15:55

Fair enough for a 1 or 2 year old as they don't really grasp the "Birthday" concept.
But a 4 year old is a bit different.

Original poster
Ithinkitsjustme · 26/10/2012 15:55

Grandparents are all coming round tomorrow after her party anyway, so she would be having presents off them tomorrow. She doesn't go to pre-school on a Friday and they don't do the whole "singing Happy Birthday" thing until after the birthday anyway (which means she has to wait until a week Tuesday for that piece of excitement Grin), she's had a nice day but is really looking forward to tomorrow when we can all spend time with her. She would have no idea what the date was.

OP posts:
LlamaLover · 26/10/2012 15:55

Not sure it's good for your other kids to think its OK to lie in some circumstances.

MrsCantSayAnything · 26/10/2012 15:56

No she wouldn;t know the date but you do....I couldn't let the actual day pass unmarked myself.

BooCanary · 26/10/2012 15:56

Very strange. Would never have occurred to me! In fact the only time I have heard similar is when DC have birthdays on Xmas Day. I would like to think at 4, it would be perfectly reasonable to explain the work/school situation to your DC. How many years are you planning on carrying this on for Hmm Confused ?