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AIBU?

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Original poster

not to tell DD2 that it's her birthday today?

194 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 26/10/2012 15:47

She is 4 today but because my DH went to work after she got up and won't be home until she is in bed and her party is tomorrow we have told her that her birthday is tomorrow. I thought it was a good idea and my other DC's have gone along with it and not said anything, but people in work think we are awful for doing this, what do you think?

OP posts:
Ephiny · 26/10/2012 18:35

I don't want to open the Father Christmas can of worms, but yes I do think it's a bit weird when people go out of their way to convince their children that it is literally true, or get upset if the children find out it's not. No problem with parents telling the story and kids having fun playing make-believe but some people get a bit weird about it IMO.

yummumto3girls · 26/10/2012 18:41

I also think its incredibly odd and cruel. Yes she is young and you can get away with it but it's not fair on your other DC's and why would you not want to make a fuss of her on her real birthday.

mrsscoob · 26/10/2012 18:43

YABsoooooooUShock

shewhowines · 26/10/2012 18:43

I've done it.

She'll get more of it being a special occasion when daddy is there too.

Viviennemary · 26/10/2012 18:46

No. Sorry I do not agree with this. What is the point of this ridiculous lie. Really silly.

halloweeneyqueeney · 26/10/2012 18:46

English woman in the attic

I don't claim never to lie
that is TOTALLY different from telling your DCs that they can't tell the truth

FTRsMammy · 26/10/2012 18:59

I think it's absolutely fine, one of my work colleagues has just done the same thing.

Her DDs bday fell on a day when she was working and her DH was working away so they just skipped it for 2 days, GPs and other close relatives were told about it and why they didn't want anyone to ring or drop in with gifts and then on the Saturday when everyone was at home they all in bed and did gifts and then had a party later in the day. DD happy, no harm done.

If she's not old enough to read a calendar then she won't know any different. Smile

Whooooosualsuspect · 26/10/2012 19:00

I think I might have my birthday today .

Wine
TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 26/10/2012 19:01

halloweeneyqueeney I know there is the whole issue about DC should always know they can/ should tell the truth so as not to leave them vulnerable to abuse, which is of course right, but in real life is truth and fiction/ lies ever so clear cut? If somebody's told their 4 year old their deeply loved pet or grandparent is in heaven and your 8 year old wants to tell them "No, he hasn't, there's no such thing, he's in the ground being eaten by worms" do you gently explain why it is OK for the 3 year old to believe something even if the 8 year old doesn't... The same if a child has been told Rover went to a farm in the country - maybe somebody else told the lies, but do you explain to the older child why it would now be hurtful to disillusion the 3 year old, or do you say to yourself "My child must always feel able to tell the truth" and let him go in there and reveal the "truth" as he sees it... It is a dilemma - but I don't think as clear cut as some would have it, and depending on the age and nature of the DC they can usually understand the harmless or innocent (Tooth Fairy, Father Christmas etc.) don't tell the tots yet, let them find out in their own time type of lie from the nasty scary types of lies/ not telling IMO

Zipadeedoodah · 26/10/2012 19:03

I am going to run the risk of not telling mine and when they ask I will - there are worse things that a parent can do than try and change the day of their birth celebration to a day that they actually enjoy it with the people they love. And if that turns them into insecure adults in constant therapy then I'll just run that risk ..but somehow I think they will be ok Smile

Boomerwang · 26/10/2012 19:04

I don't know. At 4 years old she'll be so excited about her birthday that to offer it in drips and drabs over the course of two days could either frustrate her or make her keel over with excitement.

To have it all done on one day might make it easier to remember, and might feel more special as she'll have attention for most of the day.

Not sure if I'd do it. I certainly don't see any harm in it though. Nor do I find it weird.

Ephiny · 26/10/2012 19:05

Happy Birthday Whooooosualsuspect [hsmile]

EscapeInTheCity · 26/10/2012 19:13

I have done that too.
Mainly because if their b'day was on a thursday or wednesday and they had to wait for the party on the saturday or sunday, it would have been too long for them at that age.
They would have got very excited at the idea of the b'day and then really frustrated to have done very little (such as the 'special bkfast proposed by some) on that day.
Plus my experience of making it last over a couple of days (so you have something on the day of the b'day then a party with family etc...) means that the other children don't cope with it well either.

Actually we still do that now (even though they do know which day is their b'day) so that all the excitement is one day rather than 2 or 3.

KitchenandJumble · 26/10/2012 19:28

It isn't the crime of the century, but I wouldn't do it. I'd just tell the child her birthday is X day, and the celebration will be on Y day. Done and dusted. But a little white lie isn't so terrible if that's what works for you.

I do find it very odd to change the date of twins' birthdays, as someone mentioned. Do the twins know the actual date of their birthday? I would hope so.

Cahoots · 26/10/2012 19:31

Absolutely definitely the right thing to do. Hopes he has a wonderful day tomorrow. [hsmile]

Whooooosualsuspect · 26/10/2012 19:34

I'm agog so many people do this.

PedanticPanda · 26/10/2012 19:39

I think it's quite strange, why not just tell her it's her birthday Confused

My mum forgot my birthday when I was little, I didn't mention it to her because I was devastated but went to school and cried my eyes out infront of all my class when they sung me happy birthday. She remembered later on in the evening but I was still really hurt and I wasn't that far off ages with your DD.

StillIRise · 26/10/2012 19:41

It is odd. Very odd.

However it suits me to have my Birthday tomorrow as i plan to stay mostly in bed, drink a vet of wine and watch crap tv.

So i have decided and declare.

Tomorrow will be my birthday.

Please buy me presrnts.

coldcupoftea · 26/10/2012 19:45

We did exactly the same on DD's 4th birthday! We were invited to the wedding of a close friend on her actual birthday, and kids weren't invited.

We moved it to the day before and had cake, presents, day out with the family on that day. Then on her actual birthday she had a lovely day with her grandparents while DH and I went to the wedding.

I just don't think she was old enough to understand that her mummy and daddy were doing something else on her birthday, and I selfishly wanted to be there to see her enjoy the day!

EscapeInTheCity · 26/10/2012 19:48

I selfishly wanted to be there to see her enjoy the day!
But that's not just you. At that age (and even now my dcs are older) they wanted me and DH to be here for their b'day. They wouldn't have enjoyed a day/afternoon of celebration where one/both of us wasn't there.

theotherboleyngirl · 26/10/2012 19:52

I'm another one who finds the splitting of the twins' bdays as really quite odd. Mum of twins, aunt of twins, best friend of a twin, just can't think why you would do that? Yes they are individuals with their own identities but very key to those identities is the fact they are twins... of course as they get older if they have different friends then you have separate parties, but I find the splitting of days really bizarre. And what happens is one person buys the children a present each which are both the same, or same but different colour/character - DT1 always gets to see the surprise, DT2 just has to wait knowing what will be in their present...

coldcupoftea · 26/10/2012 19:53

Yes that's what I mean, that's why we moved it to a day when we would all be together- I wanted to see her opening presents and blowing out candles, that was more important than the date.

Whooooosualsuspect · 26/10/2012 19:57

Well I think the date is the most important part of your birthday.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 26/10/2012 20:02

no, the cake is the most important part of your birthday.

larks35 · 26/10/2012 20:03

YANBU at all! Can't believe some of the comments on here. It's not like she isn't going to have a birthday celebration, it has just been moved a day. My DS will be 4 in January, he has no idea about this. He does know that he will be 4 at some point but he doesn't really get days of the week, let alone months and dates.

OP I really don't think you've done anything odd or cruel, you've just made sure her perceived birthday is the best! That's lovely in my book.