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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to tell DD2 that it's her birthday today?

194 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 26/10/2012 15:47

She is 4 today but because my DH went to work after she got up and won't be home until she is in bed and her party is tomorrow we have told her that her birthday is tomorrow. I thought it was a good idea and my other DC's have gone along with it and not said anything, but people in work think we are awful for doing this, what do you think?

OP posts:

biscuitracer · 26/10/2012 20:05

Where would this stop? You cannot change history

Whooooosualsuspect · 26/10/2012 20:05

well yes, the cake is important.

wigglesrock · 26/10/2012 20:08

I too, think its a bit strange. My dd2 is 5 next week, her dad, Grandad and parents of best friends ie friends of the family will all be working, so we're having a bit of a party tomorrow for her but she still knows when her birthday is .

cinnamonnut · 26/10/2012 20:08

Lots of weird posts claiming it's 'odd'. She's four for god's sake.

BrianAndHisBalls · 26/10/2012 20:14

i'm a bit that at 4 they wouldn't know that the date was wrong, or up there ^ someone said that their dc was 6, how did they not know that it was the wrong date?

Whooooosualsuspect · 26/10/2012 20:23

I'm not weird much

LaCiccolina · 26/10/2012 20:24

I kind of appreciate your reasoning. That said, it's weird. No two ways about it. My dd has her bday this year on a nursery day. She's going regardless. (Not wasting £!) so she gets two special days, her actual bday and on the next sat she will get a party.

She's gonna b 2. I don't really get why uve done different really. When older dd and dd2 might even get a summer party coz their bays will always be winter and I'd like once to b able to give them a sunny one. Am I weird for that?!

Cahoots · 26/10/2012 20:27

Err I think I missed the bit where we were told never to lie to little DC's.

Are we nearly there?
yes it's at least another two hours

Will it hurt?
Not too much and you are very brave actually it going to hurt like hell and you will undoubtably scream blue murder as usual

Do you think I am pretty?
Of course! you are the most beautiful little DC I have ever known We are already saving up for the plastic surgery

Where do babies come from?
Err,

DyeInTheEar · 26/10/2012 20:36

I do understand your logic Zip and get that you're trying to make sure your DCs aren't just seen as "twins" but as individuals. However, my twin DBs loved the fact they were born on the same day and had their birthday together. That was the thing that made them special and as far as they were concerned better than everyone else. I don't understand how twins can understand and grasp concept of being a twin but think they were born two days apart? It's the very definition of being a twin surely?

mrsbugsywugsy · 26/10/2012 20:39

my brother was born on leap year day and ever since i can remember he got to choose whether to celebrate on the 28th or the 1st march. when he was really little he always chose the 28th because it was soonest, even if the1st was a saturday.

he doesn't seem to have been traumatised by not having a fixed birthday -despite me teasing him about it every year-

Musomathsci · 26/10/2012 20:44

Birthdays have always been a "moveable feast" in our family, and for similar reasons to the ones you describe. Celebrating on a particular day every year is a bit arbitrary anyway, so why not shift the date if it suits the family to do so? No-one is cancelling birthdays, so I can't understand what all the fuss is about. Surely as adults it is common enough to have parties and celebrations on other days, so why not for children?
Your workmates should mind their own business. Rude!

squoosh · 26/10/2012 20:49

I completely agree with birthdays as 'moveable feasts' I just don't think there needs to be a big production of keeping her in the dark as to the actual day.

Whooooosualsuspect · 26/10/2012 20:51

We often had parties on other days, but still celebrated the birthday on the actual day as well.

Original poster

Ithinkitsjustme · 26/10/2012 20:58

I maybe should have made it clear that my other DC's are quite a bit older, the youngest is 11 and the oldest nearly 20, so they are old enough to differentiate between lying per se and what we are doing here. I'm quite surprised that so many people think that the date itself is more important than having her Daddy there to spend time with her. As he went to work before 6 and still isn't home he wouldn't have had any time with her at all, but obviously we don't all think alike. It would be a boring world if we did wouldn't it

OP posts:

DrinkFecksArseyGhosts · 26/10/2012 20:59

Im in the isn't-her-birthDAY-special-to-you camp.

Original poster

Ithinkitsjustme · 26/10/2012 21:03

Yes, her birthday is special to me (not sure I really want to remember all the gory details ) but we've had a lovely day together, just not with cake or presents.

OP posts:

Zipadeedoodah · 26/10/2012 21:09

I haven't lied to them (yet) about it... I agree DyeintheEar some twins love twinny things but mine don't,maybe they will one day but not now ...they are very very separate... Actually... I just do it for the cake ..so I get two lots ...

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/10/2012 21:43

I don't think it's a massive issue. I don't think I would personally do it but as she's only just turning 4 it's not a massive issue.

I remember my 4th birthday vaguely.

runnerblade · 26/10/2012 22:07

I don't think it's a big issue either, and am surprised that so many people think it's odd. I did the same for DD when she turned 6. I was due to have medical treatment (5th cycle of chemo) on her actual birthday, so brought her tea party forward a day. Her big sister gave the game away though and we ended up celebrating her birthday over two days (though I was sick as a dog on the 2nd day).

theotherboleyngirl · 26/10/2012 22:45

How old are they Zip? Are they different genders? And do they sometimes get bought the same/similar presents by people? I'm really just genuinely curious about your reasoning and how it works in practice because I can't see it working for my twins - but my twins are identical, so same gender, and very young, so very alike and actively want to do things the same/be the same so know that's not the case for all DT's (my neice and nephew included)... just interested (and really don't want you thinking I'm getting at you, just trying to understand...)

FizzyLaces · 26/10/2012 22:48

That is up there with the more daft things I have read on MN

KateShmate · 26/10/2012 22:53

I've got GGG triplets Zip and in some ways I can see your point as I think it would be nice for each child to have their 'special day'. Mine are more than happy at the moment - but maybe something that they could choose to do if they when they're older.
FWIW, on DTrips birthday we let them choose a cake each - only because I can't take the arguments otherwise

RosemaryHoyt · 26/10/2012 23:03

Am doing this for DS 3rd birthday. Am LP, he will be with granny when I'm at work :(

fuckwittery · 26/10/2012 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PropertyNightmare · 26/10/2012 23:53

Yabu and most odd.

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