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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to tell DD2 that it's her birthday today?

194 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 26/10/2012 15:47

She is 4 today but because my DH went to work after she got up and won't be home until she is in bed and her party is tomorrow we have told her that her birthday is tomorrow. I thought it was a good idea and my other DC's have gone along with it and not said anything, but people in work think we are awful for doing this, what do you think?

OP posts:
monsterchild · 26/10/2012 16:27

I don't think it matters all that much which day it is on. I have a terrible birthday so it was moved a lot. It's more about the celebration than the actual date, IMHO.

usualsuspect3 · 26/10/2012 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TravelinColour · 26/10/2012 16:28

This reply has been deleted

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WorraLiberty · 26/10/2012 16:28

I think it's odd too.

And you're placing a hell of a lot of pressure on your other kids not to let it slip.

monsterchild · 26/10/2012 16:28

And if she hasn't asked, I don't see how you are lying.

usualsuspect3 · 26/10/2012 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

halloweeneyqueeney · 26/10/2012 16:36

I'm also strongly in the "surprizes not secrets" camp and would never do anything that taught any of my children that it's acceptable for adults to tell them to keep secrets for them

so for that you are definitely BU

halloweeneyqueeney · 26/10/2012 16:37

you could have a fab day on the day, with a birthday breakfast etc, then presents and cake on the weekend

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 26/10/2012 16:39

It does no harm but is odd, I agree with everyone else.

Most kids will end up having their party/ main celebration on a day that isn't their birthday sometimes and are able to easily understand the 2 things don't have to happen on the same day - in fact my 5 year old was slightly cross that I arranged his 5th birthday party on his actual birthday, because his sister had just had her 7th birthday on a Wednesday and had her party the following Saturday - it was unfair that she therefore got 2 birthdays and he only got 1 :o

4 year olds might not know what the date on a calendar is, but 4 is way past the baby stage and a NT 4 year old will easily understand a 2 stage birthday - makes it even better because their birthday lasts longer.

I am also wondering at what age Zip revealed to/ intends to reveal to her twins that in fact they were born on the same day Confused somebody else is going to tell them, and have a good laugh in the process, if they stay under the illusion their birthdays are 2 days apart!! I can understand giving them separate parties and treats though if they don't have identical tastes and friends - I have 2 with birthdays that fall a day apart and it has always been important to me that they each get a day "all to themselves" and don't get lumped with a joint party, so I can imagine doing that for twins especially if they were b/g or simply had separate tastes and friends etc.

DaveMccave · 26/10/2012 16:47

I don't suppose it makes much difference to her at the end of the day, but like Mrscantsayanything doesn't the day feel special to YOU? I'd want to celebrate with her. You could have had a special breakfast this morning, opened a present or 2 before her dad went to work, (or even all of them throughout the day, she'll have PLENTY to open tomorrow when he is there). I'd prefer to stagger the present opening over the 2 days so she wasn't overwhelmed. Special birthday bedtime story would have been nicer tonight than tomorrow when she is too tired from party etc. You could have just sung happy birthday with a little cupcake and still done the big birthday cake with her friends tomorrow. I'd prefer to get as much out of it as possible rather than condense so much into the one day but that's just me.

Ephiny · 26/10/2012 16:48

I don't think there's any harm in it, it makes no difference to her, but I don't understand why you'd need or want to do this. Seems a bit odd.

DaveMccave · 26/10/2012 16:50

haloweeneyqueeney-How do you feel about FC?

BackforGood · 26/10/2012 16:51

I think it's odd too.
My dcs have always loved having "more than one birthday"... where it may be their birthday one day, and maybe Grandparents round for tea that weekend, but maybe their school friends party another day... means they get 3 special days instead of one. I'd never lie to them about their birthday though.

halloweeneyqueeney · 26/10/2012 16:55

DaveMccave I only have one child so far so am not asking older children to lie for me

DontmindifIdo · 26/10/2012 16:56

I don't think it will do your DD any harm, however you have done yourself some harm, it's an odd thing to do and you've basically announced your bonkers conkers status to your colleagues. You are now the crazy lady who lied to her DD about when her birthday is. That's not going to be good for your career prospects...

Jenny70 · 26/10/2012 16:58

It's fine, we did it last year for DD who was 6 as DH came home the day after her birthday. She was none the wiser, really it's only a date - she will only care about the celebration - not the diary.

Only thing is whether she gets wind of the true date through school etc - but brush it off.

squoosh · 26/10/2012 17:04

Odd.

Issy · 26/10/2012 17:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

Indith · 26/10/2012 17:08

Odd. My kids understand that their birthday is on a certain day. We do a celebration at a time that is convenient because since it falls on a different day of the week each year it is inevitable that sometimes one of us will be at work, there will be school, nursery and so on. Fact of life really.

knackeredmother · 26/10/2012 17:10

I did this for dd 4th birthday. I was working a 14 hour shift but both me and my husband were off the next day. She was none the wider and had a lovely 'birthday'.

FunnysInLaJardin · 26/10/2012 17:12

a bit weird I think. When the DC's birthday and party aren't on the same day we always do something small on their birthday. When I read you OP I actually felt a bit sorry for your DD and I never do that Sad for other peoples children thing

junowiththegladrags · 26/10/2012 17:14

Not a big deal, she won't know. Nicer to celebrate with her parents when they're not rushing to work or bed.

bbface · 26/10/2012 17:24

Not wrong, not unreasonable, just very odd.

Mitnis far too late to tell her now, so you should continue the fib. But if her jbirthday falls on a working day next year, I wold urge you not to fib to her or draw your other children into fibbing,

BarredfromhavingStella · 26/10/2012 17:25

Really wouldn't worry about it, I bought tickets to see Lady Gaga before realising the gig was on DD 3rd birthday [hblush] we just celebrated it the day before which was when we were having her party anyway-she will never be any the wiser about it.

Nosleeptillgodknowswhen · 26/10/2012 17:39

Not odd. It makes no difference to the 4 yr old! We tried this with DD1 when she was 5 as DH was abroad on her birthday day. Unfortunately she twigged at school and i had to pretend that i was just a muppet who didn't know what the date was! It didn't bother her - but i do get reminded of the year I didn't know what date it was, while DH (whose idea it was) gets off scot free!! [hhmm]