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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to tell DD2 that it's her birthday today?

194 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 26/10/2012 15:47

She is 4 today but because my DH went to work after she got up and won't be home until she is in bed and her party is tomorrow we have told her that her birthday is tomorrow. I thought it was a good idea and my other DC's have gone along with it and not said anything, but people in work think we are awful for doing this, what do you think?

OP posts:

PropositionJoe · 27/10/2012 17:06

Zip - I do think you run the rsk if them being acutely embarrassed when some points out that OF COURSE their birthdays are the same day. And they might well remember that embarrassment.

nappyaddict · 27/10/2012 17:29

zip

What about school do they go along with it?

MrsBovary · 27/10/2012 17:40

Goodness, so your dc don't know when their real birthdays are? Do you really not think it possible to celebrate their individuality on the same day?

I think this puts the OP in perspective for me, as a one off, and perhaps they are not so unreasonable after all.

monsterchild · 27/10/2012 19:14

I know twins with different birth dates. They aren't born at the same instant and this mom delivered the first before midnight, the second after midnight. They have different birthdays. So it's not automatic that twins have the same birthday!

TravelinColour · 27/10/2012 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TravelinColour · 27/10/2012 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 27/10/2012 19:45

I just don't understand why you can't make a nice special birthday fuss of DD on her actual birthday AND have her party on a separate day. Very odd indeed.

On the other hand, two christmases ago, DS2 had just been born, and because of in-laws being around for the birth/Christmas, we moved 'Christmas Day' back a day and had it on the 24th. It spaced things out a bit, meant my parents could be there on the 25th and my in-laws on the 24th and we sort of ended up doing 'Christmas' on both days ... in fact, I can't remember now why we thought it was a really, really good idea, but I was 3 days post-partum and a bit addled.

lljkk · 27/10/2012 19:55

I have done it & I don't think it's remotely odd.

But I don't understand the point of celebrating Birthdays, anyway.

youonlysingwhenyourewinning · 27/10/2012 20:37

It's odd. Very odd.

A birthday is celebrated because it's the day that person was born. Making a date up just because it's more convenient is bonkers.

mumeeee · 27/10/2012 23:11

I think it's a bit odd. I know all 3 of my DDs would have known which dat thier birthday was on at the age of 4.

Zipadeedoodah · 28/10/2012 15:03

They were only born 20mins apart - school are fine about it - because, as I alluded to in an earlier post - one of my son's has some issues . Basically, he has a learning disability and that means the other boy has to help him and is never the priority because we have to deal with the red mist around what is going on with his brother . So when we can one of us takes the boy with the no behavioural issues off on his own for some special time. This is where the separate birthdays came from so everyone is Number one for a day. It's not odd - I can think of a lot of odd things parents do but this is really not one of them.

Floralnomad · 28/10/2012 15:53

I'm sorry Zip ,but it is odd and saying that you do it because one has special needs does not make it less odd. In lots of families ( including my own) there will be a child with issues who takes up more time but that does not mean the other children are treated as less special or have to have an extra fuss made of them .if you are part of a family you have to adapt to the dynamics of that family. My DH is a twin and he thinks that what you do is really peculiar .

DontmindifIdo · 28/10/2012 16:11

Zipadeedoodah - do they know when their real birthdays are or do you tell them they are born on different days? How many more years are you planning on doing this, forever? Surely you're not far off the point when they will know their birthday date (I definately could say my birthday was the Xth of Ymonth by the time we moved to the new school I went to at 7yo), so will you teach them the lie or the real date? Or will you teach them "your birthday is on the 10th, but we celebrate it on 9th/11th". Surely the one without special needs will start to question this soon unless you make them believe you really did give birth to one and then wait 48 hours before you had the second one...

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 28/10/2012 16:20

My older son turned 5 last month and knows the date of his birthday (though he doesn't tend to know what the date is at any given time so wouldn't look at the calendar and see it is his birthday) Zip it is a little odd - not bad odd necessarily, but still a little strange, if you are intending to actually lie to your sons indefinitely and tell them they have different birthdays, rather than letting them know the date of their birthdays but that in your family the tradition is to each have a special day on either side (the second option I do think is nice if you can manage it and want to, but pretty soon your non-special needs son is going to be expected to know his date of birth I'd think - certainly I'd find it odd if one of my 7 year old's NT friends didn't know the date and month of her birthday)...

Zipadeedoodah · 28/10/2012 23:43

We have never lied to them about it just had it this way because it suits out family .We have friends who call their children by another name than they were christened , odd , or just the way families evolve? We have friends who make their children be vegetarian just because they are , or do billions of clubs at the weekends because they want them to go to grammar , we have friends who let any person babysit their children regardless whether that child has a bond with that person or not .others smoke intentionally shortening their life, or are emotionally absent from their children or take huge jobs so are never around . Any of this behaviour by a judgemental person to be seen as odd , but we don't go any if that and still I would not call it odd just different . My boys are loving siblings as this works for them the moment - we would NEVER lie to them - if they want to change it in the future - what matters us that they are celebrated which they are - and we know what we are doing suits us now but who knows what will happen in the future and when it does - we'll talk to them an make a family decision . I'm not going to continue to contribute to this discussion because ice made my point and no one will gain from going around in circles -

Zipadeedoodah · 28/10/2012 23:45

*ice ? Should be I have - and sorry for zillions of typos , it's late

TheOriginalNutcracker · 28/10/2012 23:51

I did this when dd2 was 3. I was in hospital having just had ds, and so we moved her birthday a couple of days along when I was out.

She was non the wiser.

I wouldn't do it for your reason though, but thats me.

nappyaddict · 30/10/2012 21:16

Zip Which birthday did you start doing it?

fluffypillow · 30/10/2012 22:34

It's not something that would sit well with me, but each to their own.

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