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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to tell DD2 that it's her birthday today?

194 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 26/10/2012 15:47

She is 4 today but because my DH went to work after she got up and won't be home until she is in bed and her party is tomorrow we have told her that her birthday is tomorrow. I thought it was a good idea and my other DC's have gone along with it and not said anything, but people in work think we are awful for doing this, what do you think?

OP posts:
cinnamonnut · 26/10/2012 17:41

I'd do it. My parents changed the date of Christmas one year when I was little and my mum was very ill.

KelperRose · 26/10/2012 17:42

bonkers

Why on earth would you think this is ok?

SirBoobAlot · 26/10/2012 17:49

I think its odd. And sends a bad message to your other children about lying being okay.

Why can't you just tell her that X date is her birthday but because of < insert reasons > you'll be celebrating it on Y date instead? She can still open her cards and you can sing her happy birthday. Even my (nearly) three year old understands that concept.

Sheesh, why pointlessly lie to a child when you can tell them the truth?

squoosh · 26/10/2012 17:54

Is it something to do with the way birthdays are hyped up so much these days? As in they need to be really, really special, all family members need to be present for the full 24 hours and no one should take their eyes off the birthday boy/girl for a second.

I'm a fan of the more laid back old skool birthday. Fun and special but not treated as some kind of religious feast day.

Inneedofbrandy · 26/10/2012 17:59

I do think it's quite odd but, I've just asked my ds who's 5 if he remembers his birthday ( we went on holiday for his bloody birthday) and nope he doesn't so meh don't think it matters. He doesn't even remember the date ffs just that's it's August and I thought he was clever

LadyMargolotta · 26/10/2012 18:00

All these posts going on about it being wrong to encourage 'lying' - are you serious?

She's four. It's a bit odd to not tell her it's her birthday, but never mind, she will have a lovely day tomorrow with all of her family.

Personally I would have celebrated her birthday today and tomorrow, meaning cake twice.

halloweeneyqueeney · 26/10/2012 18:02

the lying thing isn't an issue for the 4YO so much as the older children who are being told to lie for their parents

SirBoobAlot · 26/10/2012 18:02

LadyM, its more that the OP has told her other children to lie that makes me go Hmm It also seems to be making more drama out of it than needs to be.

TidyGOLDDancer · 26/10/2012 18:04

I think this is very weird. Whose idea was it?

Inneedofbrandy · 26/10/2012 18:05

So do older children not lie about father Christmas in some houses then?

TomsBentPinky · 26/10/2012 18:07

My daughter will be 4 on Christmas eve,

but we will celebrate her birthday on the 23rd, cards, presents ect ...

HOWEVER we will still wish her happy birthday on the 24th as she knows CE is her birthday.

dawnpreview · 26/10/2012 18:08

I find it a bit strange, but can understand why you are doing it op.
As a mum of 4 year old twins I do find it bizarre that anyone would celebrate twins birthdays on separate days. yes they are individuals, but it is also special to be a twin, and having the same birthday is part of that. Mine are certainly well aware that they share a birthday, and it certainly doesnt make it any less special for them. Plus, how do you choose which one has their birthday first?

Sassybeast · 26/10/2012 18:09

Really strange.

My kids birthdays are incredibly 'special' days - the idea of changing the date is just so odd Hmm

EuroShagmore · 26/10/2012 18:09

I think it's very odd.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 26/10/2012 18:16

honestly, it's fine for younger ones who would be none the wiser as to what the date is anyway.

dd2 will be told it is her second birthday tomorrow, when it is in fact Monday.
Her understanding of "birthday" is limited to "cake and presents", which will be happening on Saturday. She doesn't understand the idea of the anniversary of her birth.

KateShmate · 26/10/2012 18:19

I don't think its odd at all OP - I've got 5 girls and have done it quite a few times for various reasons.
Infact, when DD1 was 4 we delayed her birthday for 2 weeks as one of her younger sisters was in intensive care. We just thought it was really unfair on her if we'd had a bad night and weren't very happy and with our minds elsewhere. We also would have been wanting to go back to poorly sister ASAP - wouldn't have been a very happy birthday!
There is no way that she would have known - she didn't even know her birth date, and obviously could not read a calendar!

I wouldn't even give it a second thought OP :)

PickledFanjoCat · 26/10/2012 18:21

It's a bit pointless to constantly bring Santa into it in my opinion.

That's like saying oh yes we can tell whatever fibs we like as we are already morally bankrupt from all that fibbing about Santa!

valiumredhead · 26/10/2012 18:24

If the cap fits fanjo Wink

PickledFanjoCat · 26/10/2012 18:26

I just as well go and rob a bank then. [hgrin]

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 26/10/2012 18:26

It's your call...but I find the actual birthday exciting too, and even if it's low key it's just nice to have another day to celebrate. It's only four years since you gave birth to her, so I would think it's still special to you too.

valiumredhead · 26/10/2012 18:27

Yep - off you go Wink

valiumredhead · 26/10/2012 18:27

Actually on sec on thoughts fanjo you'd better not as SAnta might be watching!!!!

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 26/10/2012 18:30

Whole lying/ Father Christmas thing is a can of worms... Do you tell DC that Rover (or even great grandpa etc) went to heaven if you don't believe it yourself?? Lying isn't always wrong, we do sometimes lie to protect children from things they just don't need to know, or to make things magical from them - I don't think the OP is committing some mortal evil by asking her DC to lie about their younger sibling's birthday to her, but I do just think it is a totally unnecessary fabrication when the truth would have been just fine...

In all honesty I find it very hard to believe people who claim never, ever to lie, in any circumstances, ever, including "white lies" and lies of omission - really? My mother claims never to lie - but then she re-writes both our family's distant and very recent past in the stories she tells in sometimes quite breathtaking ways, and claims my sisters and I never told lies as children, and we did, all the time Grin So the truth-at-all-costs to small children line leaves me a bit Hmm

PickledFanjoCat · 26/10/2012 18:33

Its quite essential to bend the truth with nippers on occasion.

My gut feeling is that this is odd - but it's not a biggie.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 26/10/2012 18:34

VVV odd.