to be annoyed when parents send their DC's with a bag full of sweets and chocolate when they come to our house for tea?

[Stuffedcat]

WHY??
I will provide your child a snack. Hey, sometimes I even bake some biscuits or something. I would never dream of sending food with my DC if they have been invited somewhere.

I have now adopted the strategy of sending food back unopened and uneaten with an "it's ok I made cakes" and hope I don't offend but the message might get through.

Fuck off with the chocolate munching, I'm on a diet!

Moomin, even the OP wasn't talking about "massive amounts" of anything. Don't get carried away. I'm astonished that anyone would object to a visiting child bringing a treat of some kind to share with the other kids. If there are issues that mean that sweets (or whatever) are not appropriate, then the parent of the restricted child is responsible for informing the other parent. Before the other parent knows that, there is no justification for taking the offering of a moderate amount of sweet treats as anything other than a generous gesture of appreciation.

Agrees with usual

If you make something a forbidden item when they are have freedom they will binge on it.

Look at Eve with that apple

I agree, better to teach them to eat junk in moderation, alongside a healthy diet.

MsHighwater I have no objection at all to a moderate amount of sweets or chocolate, but the OP talks about a bag full and that has been my experience as well. And indeed several bagfulls if there are several kids.

Oreos and cadburys this thread was worth the read just for that alone.

Everyone knows that giving people things is a no no, who likes gifts ffs.

My eyes have rolled so much they ache

Haberdashery, is the reason for your child's tooth decay because you gave them too many sweets?
Clearly some people have stronger teeth than others, and it's not fair to ban those that that enjoy them when it doesn't do them any harm.
Usual, how perfect would that be.
A Transatlantic chocolate.
Cynister, what is corn candy?

Moomin, there are big bags and small bags. The OP does not specify.

You are right MsHighwater, she doesn't specify the size of bag. I am assuming carrier bags from my own personal experience.

But the size of the bag and its contents havent been established.

When some friends who we havent seen in years visited us they bought a huge bag of Haribos. One of the halloween sized bags, full of little bags of sweets so we could hand them out as we felt appropriate.

It's obviously a kindly meant thing, blah blah.

But, I am genuinely surprised by this post and how common it clearly is to send some sort of food gift with your child on a play date! In nearly 5 years of play dates I have never sent nor received any sort of gift. Is this a regional thing? I would be completely bemused at receiving a cake from a play date guest, although I would of course express gratitude before eating the entire thing in glee , and would never consider sending it back with a refusal note..

But the whole thing sounds like playdate overthinking and slightly socially over anxious to me! Isn't life exhausting enough? The tried and tested formula for playdate success is surely as follows - you get their kid, feed them chips, fishfingers and beans. They get your kid the following week and do the same. No need for home baking or gift buying.

Is this how the crazy escalation of expectations around school parties started? From simply having a few kids for tea in the 1970s to whole class holidays to Ibiza (or whatever it is they do these days). In 15 years time will parents have to be sending their children to playdates with a hamper of home baked goodies, home sewn bunting and a bottle of champagne?

It's maaaaaaadness I tells ya.

Yes Bogey face but you got to hand the sweets out. When a kid turns up with a bag of sweets, you don't always get to distribute them yourself unless you demand they hand them over. Even then they will ask for the sweets they have brought and, rightly or wrongly, expect to get them all. Rather like taking a bottle of wine to a dinner party I suppose. I suppose that's what it boils down to for me - it's a control issue, it takes away my control of how much crap my kids are getting.

Is it a regional thing? I am in the northwest. To be fair it is more of a sleepover thing here.

If I thought it was too much for the children I would be quite pleased, because I could stash it in the cupboard for later when the little blighters have gone to bed. I wouldn't be annoyed about it.

I'm northwest too. Oh no, maybe I'm known at school as the miserable bastard who sends her kids bereft of home made muffins, and that's why I get none in return. .

No I never send crap ( or homemade muffins), that's probably why people send loads to mine, they think my kids are deprived.

God, I've a sudden craving for Fangtastic Haribo. Must hide this thread .

Well I wouldnt allow the children to dole it out themselves, I would take the bag and hand them out as appropriate after they have had their meal. If I was to send sweets on a playdate (which isnt a thing happens here) then I would assume that the parent of the other child would do the same.

My children always take treats when they go round to someone elses house, and their friends bring things round to ours.

Its easy enough to restrict them and say no if there are too many, or explain that a particular child cant have any because of (whatever) reason.

Although I would generally know the people my children were going to visit anyway and would therefore know of any restrictions that are in place.

Yes bogey face, but because they have brought them they do expect to get to eat them all. And if they have brought a large quantity then presumably they are used to eating a large quantity ( and moan to dd1 that I have nicked their sweets and won't let them eat them.

I have to say I also find it rather offputting that someone would arrive with a kilo of sweets when they come over to watch a dvd / play.

Also makes me wonder about them if they send a lot of activities for their child to do - makes me feel that they have no faith or trust in my abilities to host - firstly that I will have no treats of my own to stuff down the kids necks, and also that we've never heard of crayola, and live in a minimalist concrete box with no toys.

I'm kindof with the OP (+ moomin a bit too) - BUT I'd never write a note about it. I just send the crap back with them.

No I would never write a note, just slag them off to DH and hoik up my judgypants.

But given that we dont know the quantities involved, its hard to judge isnt it?

"A bagful of sweets and chocolate" could mean a small packet of haribos and a freddo frog for each child to mothers who are totally anti treats. But to another mother it could mean 3 hundredweight!

And if I was to send the kids with treats then I would over cater to include siblings and possible other guests too. That said, I would mention it to the mum rather than just send the kids with them, but if the mother in this case is used to all playdates including a bag of treats then it may not have occurred to her.