to be annoyed when parents send their DC's with a bag full of sweets and chocolate when they come to our house for tea?

[Stuffedcat]

WHY??
I will provide your child a snack. Hey, sometimes I even bake some biscuits or something. I would never dream of sending food with my DC if they have been invited somewhere.

I have now adopted the strategy of sending food back unopened and uneaten with an "it's ok I made cakes" and hope I don't offend but the message might get through.

wow - can't believe what strong emotions this thread seems to have stirred up!

FWIW, my gut feeling initially was YANBU, but that was because I read the emphasis on bag full of sweets and chocolate and was thinking of young children. I wouldn't mind children bringing a contribution to tea, but if they were young I would be upset if it was a large quantity of sugar. Teenagers is something different. I don't think the OP deserves some of the abuse on this thread (though I am probably now opening myself up to it)!

I'm surprised by the responses to this. I wouldn't send my children to someone else's house with food, as I'd assume the parents were able to feed children. I wouldn't appreciate children bringing food here, either; I'm perfectly capable of providing everything from carrot sticks to Coke. OP, I think you are right.

DS1 has a brace so has to clean his teeth 4 times a day and use Tepe brushes, but no fillings.

Maybe the children who need fillings have parents with awful teeth and so those parents have limited Haribo etc because they don't want their kids to end up with horrible teeth like they have? I know I did. And I also limited raisins etc to some extent (but not enough) - unfortunately my horrible weak teeth genes have been passed on to my daughter. Who has only ever had Haribo when someone else has given it to her at a party etc and has hardly ever had a drink with added sugar apart from weak hot chocolate, which is essentially a cup of milk. Since she had to have an actual GA and operation to remove teeth (not just fillings), I have obviously limited this kind of thing even more. It is sad for her, and I also believe in everything in moderation. But moderation wasn't good enough for my child. If I had known five years ago what I know now, I'd have been one of those 'loons' who refuse their child any kind of sugar at all. And she might still have all her teeth. And wouldn't have had to have a very traumatic operation.

Obv some children do just eat too many sweets, but I can honestly say, hand on heart, that my child ate far fewer sweets and sugary things than 95% of her friends. It still wasn't good enough. If anyone sends sweets home with her for a play date, I will give them back nicely and explain why. She gets a sweet milky pudding when she has a friend over but she can't have sweets. She just can't. And nobody needs sweets, actually, nice as they are.

Fortunately, hardly anyone does send things here. It's by no means universal.

Your DS was lucky to have strong teeth, LadyEvilBeagle. And yours, Sparkling. Some children aren't as lucky. As you can't actually tell which children have strong teeth before the decay begins, it is not actually completely mad to just try as best you can to remove the potential harm surely?

Fakebook it's true I'm afraid. Our dentist said that dried fruit (especially raisins) and fresh apples are the worst things to eat for your teeth! Raisins are worse than chocolate as they are stickier, so they stick to the teeth the high sugars in them can attack the enamel more efficiently.

Mine still have raisins though, i just limit them now.

Why is it MC angst? Do only MC children get tooth decay? My experience in a hospital waiting room last week, while a whole series of children under seven, some as young as three, had teeth removed under GA and howled and howled afterwards as they woke up and felt uncomfortable and sick and weird and horrible would suggest otherwise. I would say there were no more than two or three middle class families there out of about twenty children.

They're just being polite...my childminder on many many occasions makes DD her lunch and dinner from her own cupboards/fridge. I still send DD round with a packed lunch and snacks every day without fail, because I feel it'd be downright rude to assume she'll prepare meals off her own back, IYSWIM?

Try not to worry about it.

But this thread isn't about tooth decay.
It's about a parent trying to contribute to an invitation from someone and making a polite and generous gesture.
Who knew that this would be considered rude FFS.
And as for Moomins's remarks that this is more common with kids with 'weight issues'
Did you all miss that?

So. Parents with children experiencing dental pain=MC angst? Wow. Some posters clearly have too much time on their hands if all they can do is ridicule mums with dodgy toothed kids.
Nutritionists are warning that today's kids are a ticking time bomb of obesity and diabetes. Let's add rotten teeth, manky skin and hair.
Is junk food really a gift??

Er, can I just repeat that age old (well modern age old) expression..
Everything in moderation.

AIBU?
Yes!
NO I AM NOT, HOW DARE YOU ALL ABUSE ME?!

Stroll on.....

My sanity asks that I hide this thread.

Yes, and everything in moderation (really, I promise, I'm not making it up) led to tooth decay for my daughter.

Why would you want your small child to eat a bag of sweets and chocolate when they are young enough for you to control that? I do see that teenagers are a different kettle of fish. I think it is rude to send a bag of sugar round to someone else's house when they may have different ideas of what is acceptable food and good reasons for it. It may not be a thread about tooth decay but that is what sweets and chocolate can lead to in susceptible children and some parents may have good reason for not wanting to let their children eat things that may lead to that. Tooth health is a very heritable thing.

It would not be rude to send a small treat for the children to share, although it might be that some parents/children would have to decline it. And it would be odd to think that the hosting parent would not have already thought that the children would like a treat. But this is apparently 'a bag full of sweets and chocolate' - I don't really think that's generous. I think it is bonkers. The very nice lady who offered me some lollies for her DD and mine offered me SIX LOLLIES for two kids who are five and six. The other child was only spending about three hours at my house. Three lollies over three hours is way too much for anyone in my book. That's not moderation!! That's a recipe for tooth decay, obesity, diabetes and heart disease. Nobody in the world needs a lolly an hour, even for a treat. My child has probably had a lolly every six months over her whole life and she has severe tooth decay.

I like to give kids who come to my house a pretty balloon or a badge for a treat. That way nobody's health is being compromised.

Never mind sweets and choc - I wouldn't thank them for carrot sticks either. I am more than capable of buying food and giving it to children (my own, and visiting ones).

Fortunately nobody here seems to think that sending children for tea with their own provisions is good manners.

I like it when the children thank me for having them, though, and are generally polite and agreeable. That, to my mind, shows that their parents have taught them good manners (far more than a bag of food would).

Binning the food would be less rude than sending it back with a note, which is just a tad socially inept IMO

Agree with Fangs - I would just say thank you and then "forget" about it.

Three lollies how utterly horrific

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Sorry, haberdashery..but really, lollies are not arsenic

you're passive aggressive to consider a note or mentioning
if my weans go someone house I give them stuff to take to share
hadn't considered it be construed as rude or might get a note as rebuke

Yes, the note is a bit passive aggressive. I preferred to tackle it directly with the parent and explain why. She is a friend. She understood.

Heh, Fangs. Sorry, my pearls are at the jewellers to be restrung or I'd join you... I know it sounds over the top. But if your child had had to have teeth out etc (and honestly, it was the worst day of my life, that operation), I bet you wouldn't want him or her eating three lollies either.

Lollies are pure sugar. They are entirely unnecessary for anyone, especially for a child who has severe tooth decay. And they are not ideal for a child who doesn't (but who may develop it in the future, you never know).

I know, I get ya on the teeth thing..but people stress out about a tiny bit of fat and sugar quite often on here and childhood is the time you can eat that stuff and burn the calories off running around.