to want to shake some sense into a clueless 38 week pregnant friend?

[Amyo83]

Bear with me, this has quite a bit of a background story but please read all because I could really do with some advice...

Just over a week ago the boyfriend gets a text from a heavily pregnant friend (HPF)? in Hong Kong asking if he still has a spare room as HPF needs to come over to the UK to have the baby in order for the baby to qualify for a UK passport.

HPF manages to find an airline to fly her over at 37 weeks and she arrives with the plan to go into a clinic, have the baby, register the birth, get a passport for DC and fly back 2 weeks later. Later finds out that she can't fly until at least DC is 4 weeks old.

HPF arrives and it transpires that despite having 37 weeks to get things organised, she has nothing really for DC, here in the UK or in HK and is completely clueless in all aspects of childbirth, aftercare and looking after a newborn.

HPF's mother is due to arrive on the 30th (HPF's due date is the 2nd Nov) however she plans on only staying a week and her DH plans to fly over as soon as she starts having contractions. They all plan to fit into boyfriend's tiny boy flat, rendering him homeless and having to take shelter at mine.

We want to help HPF, she desperately needs it. HPF seems to think she can do everything herself, doesn't want to buy too much as she'll have to ship it back to HK and doesn't want to inconvenience anyone. However its very difficult to accept this when she claimed she didn't know what a cot was and believes she can just carry the baby everywhere. And don't get me started on her never hearing of PND and the concern of her being on her own without any preparation in an alien part of London with no-one around her.

Boyfriend and I have tried talking to HPF. We've spoken to friends with babies for their advice but HPF wont listen (we don't have children but like to think we have some common sense). So I'm after some help, stories, what to expect - the good and the bad. Advice to be directed to her (and a little bit to us as no doubt we will be involved in actually helping her once DC is here. We get the feeling that DH is just as clueless.)

So after your initial WTF reaction, which no doubt you will have reading this (everyone else has) please shower us with your knowledge and experience of newborn life for us to print this thread off and subtly leave it stuck to the fridge for HPF to hopefully read. Of course HPF has not read one book on any related subject.

lake why does she sound like an idiot?

We live in Poplar, clinic is in Hammersmith. She was thinking of getting a taxi there and back.

I would also be more concerned with the immigration status of the baby, it just all sounds wrong.

Is the father involved in this birth at all? I presume its not your boyfriend's child?

I think it says upthread the friend is british. Stop worrying people. And being british by descent will mean you can't pass on your british citizenship to your children, if they are born overseas. This is very common amongst expats.

So Queen Charlottes then?

Good lord, that taxi will cost a fortune. She will need either a car seat or a buggy to bring the baby home then. One thing you could do to help is see if any of your friends with children have one they could lend for the trip.

We were told at St Thomas in London that we had to have a car seat to leave with the baby, but I don't think anyone actually checked.

sockreturningpixie she sounds like an idiot for saying she's never heard of a cot, thinking she can carry a baby around in her arms all the live long day but most of all for thinking she and family can descend on a friend at short notice to have her baby, and then clear off again. She & OH should have got themselves clued up on how citizenship works before she got to 37 weeks pregnant.

You can use a pram/pushchair safely in a black cab by using the wheelchair seatbelts to secure it.

Poplar to Hammersmith is not a journey I'd like to do in labour (or possibly ever, heh heh). Perhaps your friend should research a fall-back plan in case she doesn't manage to get to her chosen clinic in time. To be honest, I suspect some cabbies would baulk at taking her on that drive if she looked to be in advanced labour. I think using your boyfriend's flat sounds like a daft plan- a hotel near to the clinic would be a much better bet.

perhaps she comes from a family that co-sleeps with babies or was just unfamilier with the actual word.

in some cultures carrying a baby is the norm, prams are not essential

the bf could have said no,

sounds like she has got herself clued up on citizenship hence why shes here

I think she sounds like not everything has been thought out, but she def doesn't need all the baby rubbish people think

Sling ( can carry baby in arms if needed, they aren't exactly heavy and I expect she plans on staying in flat and resting until she returns)
Change of baby clothes
Nappies of some sort

That's it really as can co sleep and breastfeed. Can get anything else if really needed after ( amazon even do before 1pm delivery :)

Iv no idea in regards to passports etc . But you boyfriend sounds great, come on people would you really have the heart to throw a heavily pregnant person out? yes if Planned they could have short rented a property for a month or so, but they didn't and now they are here so there's not much point in arguing over what's already happened

I would just offer to pick up anything she may have asked for, and offer to help if needed

Seems to me like this thread has got a lot of people on the defensive about whether or not you need 'baby stuff'. Fwiw I was a part-time-co-sleeping, sling-using, bf-ing, cloth-nappying parent and I still think she's crackers.

But more importantly, well done OP and your lovely boyfriend for being such kind friends. I hope you are appreciated.

When I was booking in to give birth at the Birth Centre in Tooting, the original plan was to stay at my mums in Crouch End, needless to say, when we considered the journey, especially the thought of getting caught in rush hour traffic, we ended up getting a months rental in Wimbledon.

She needs things prepared like a buggy/cot/carseat/clothes!! I have a 9 week old who has LOADS of things which he probs doesn't need, but the things I listed are a must have!! Also sounds like she hasn't a clue how tired she'll be... or any thought to problems after birth (for example I got a uterus infection) or she may need an emergency c-section which isn't all that uncommon. Has she got her own hospital bag packed? What exactly does she have?

This is a good list (although some of the quantities are a bit overboard), and add a few muslins on to that too (can buy packs in tesco).

A moses basket will also be helpful and is relatively portable.

www.eumom.ie/_uploads/documents/PDFs/hospital_bag_checklist_20110624.pdf

You'll just have to be there to hold her hand if it falls to pieces, OP. I don't see that you can do anything else.
Does she have servants back in HK? Coz I think the jetlag & new baby state is going to be more than she can believe, otherwise.

I had a WTF reaction to the fact that her bf will fly over once she starts having contractions. From HK? Does she expect him to make the birth? i think thats highly unlikely- does she have contingency plans or doesn't she care?

She does appreciate that if she or the baby is unwell after the birth the oh so lovely private clinic will pack them in an ambulance and said them straight off to the nearest NHS hospital - and she will have to pay for all treatment received?

Poplar to Hammersmith?! Even for a first baby, that's ambitious. Not all cab companies will take a woman in labour, either: someone ought to check tge ones local to where she actually ends up (hopefully not Poplar).

In any case, if it's happening too fast, she will need an ambulance, and will have to go to the nearest hospital, no arguments (they won't tie up an ambulance taking someone across London to a private clinic).

some people arnt bothered about a birthing partner. if shes using a respected private unit for care then they will explain possible complications,thats one of the services you pay for as is postnatal care.

a hospital bag will not help avoid complications.

why on earth would she need to urgently buy bulky items she can do with out for the short time she is over here

northanlurker that is not always the case both the private hospitals i have used also have emergency facilities (scbu,icu,hdu ect) and will bill privatly

She will be fine. Stop stressing. I read all the books and tried to be so prepared. Reality is you can't prepare that much, you just get on with it when it happens. As long as she is travelling on the plane with someone to help I would say she will be absolutely fine!

Chill :)

Hurrah for an anti-consumerist baby :) drawer can be made comfy with towels for sleeping in and a big paschmina/scarf is great for carrying bubs about. DS2 took his first flight between 2 and 3 weeks, never got the chance to hold him cause all the flight crew wanted cuddles!

Why won't she have the baby in Hong Kong? DS1 was born there, and he's a British citizen- we took out birth certs to the British Embassy to get his passport, and registered him there too, so he has a British birth cert too.

All she needs is clothes, nappies, cotton wool and baby bath liquid.

Co sleeping and breast feeding will sort the sleeping and feeding. Having a baby doesn't mean you need to spend a lot of money.