How would you feel if your 24 year old daughter was in a relationship with a...

[ThatAwfulWoman]

... man 25 years older?

Would it worry you or would his age not make a difference to you?

If my DD came to me aged 24and said she was dating a 50 year old I would try my hardest not to look horrified and shocked and I would nicely tell her that it was suprising but that it was up to her and that if was happy then i was happy.
Later i might ask her about his background, previous marriages, DC's etc and, if it was serious, I would ask about plans for DC's. I would also say that I would love to meet him. If i got to meet him I would be careful not to make to many references to the fact he was older than I was. I guess, if I met him, and I liked him then I would be, sort of, ok about it.
Privately, I would find it odd and possibly a bit creepy.

I wouldn't like it in the slightest, but at 24 I'd keep my gob buttoned

I know a couple that are about the ages you mention in the OP. it doesn't ell that she looks particularly young for her age. But they are a gorgeous couple, very much in love and there is no problem at all. I would find it wierd if someone tried to create a problem out of it that simply doesn't exist.

14 years between STBXH and me, we met when I was 27 and he was 41. unfortunately as our marriage went on the age gap just got wider and wider

he had a LOT of emotional baggage, which I chose to either a)ignore, or b) "help" him with

In reality everybody gathers "baggage" as they get older, but bear in mind that he will have a LOT more than you, which could sink your relationship over time

At 27 I was very naive and stubborn, so chose to ignore all the negative aspects of our relationship

good luck

I asked for a parent's perspective because I wanted to see it from the perspective of someone who really cared rather than just being judgemental for the sake of it. Thanks for your views, they are useful.

He is not older than either of my parents, and there is more than a decade between his and my dad's ages.

I'm guessing that still makes him closer to your dps ages than to yours.

Is he loaded?

There is 19 years between DP and I. Been together 7 years, two children.

It is other people's reactions that remind you that there is an age gap.

If your family love you and care about your happiness they will get over it.

What makes you believe that parents can't be judgemental for the sake of it?

I suspect you wouldn't have posted here if you know your dps to be non-judgemental where your affairs are concerned. Is he much married and now divorced? Does he have dc?

Have you met his dps and when are you planning to introduce him to yours?

I personally wouldn't be happy at all.

I know a couple who have a 25 year age gap and they've been together since she was 19 - she's now 46. She follows her career whilst he - now retired raises the kids as a house husband. I wouldn't like it for my own daughter but one can never judge and these guys are really happy when all my other friends are getting divorced!

I'm 30, DP is 51 - we've been together just over 2 years and got engaged after 4 months. My DM is 56. I spent most of my 20's living with ExP who was only 3 years older, but continued to act like he was 18/19 for the entire relationship and made me feel worthless.

DM reaction to me moving in with DP was that as long as he looks after me and keeps me happy, then she has no problems. Any issues, and she'll come down on DP like a ton of bricks.

Personally, if you want children, be sure he wants them/more too. DP has 2 DS's from a previous marriage. I spent months asking DP if he was sure as I thought I could have managed without children of my own easier than being without him (soppy cow that he's turned me into). We now also have 4mo DD

At 24 I started dating a man 22 years older than me, at 25 I married him, at 27 I was a widow.

He was 6 months younger than my mother and 6 months older than my father. Initially I was concerned about telling them but they were fantastic and welcomed him into the family.

Now that I'm with DH2 (4 years younger than me) I can see that this is more "natural" for them.

I probably wouldn't be keen unless he was really really lovely

I think I must see a 25 year old as very young still. If you had said 30 and 55, i would feel more positive for some reason. The only down point is potential illness when the 55 year old turn 70.

If he's got a chequered marital history I doubt that many parents would be ecstatic, and if he's got dc who are close in age to you I doubt they'll be over the moon about your relationship with him.

I had a brief liaison when I was 21 with a man in his late 40s.

When I was 24 I had a relationship with a man 20 years older than me, who also was, in essence, my boss at work.

I am not against age-difference relationships (my dad was 16 years older than my mum, they were v v happy) BUT in my case, the relationship with my boss was horribly inappropriate on his part. I was very naive for my age, and in his position - with the benefit of hindsight - I can see how wrong it was. I was only a few years older than his daughter.

My dad didn't know about it, but I suspect he would have gone mad if he had. I know I wouldn't want a daughter of mine in a relationship with such a big age gap UNLESS she was v confident, worldly wise etc (none of which I was at 24!)

It depends on the circumstances and the man. Eighteen years between my parents, and they've been happily married for 45 years.

I'd obviously have concerns ThatAwfulWoman if I was your Mum, because we wouldn't wish our children any pain. My mum's friend (65) married a guy a lot older than her (20 plus years) when she was 20... they're still together, still very much in love, but her life has been put on hold somewhat after her husband's health deteriorated,her DH has been housebound now for 18 months and she has so much energy still in her, there is no denying that it is painful for them both. If you can handle that if all goes well, you'll still be in love in 30 years you may not be as active as your peers then eyes wide open is the best way.

They still adore each other, but there are downsides - though those downsides can happen to anyone at any age, my DH had a horrific accident a year after we got married 12 years ago and we're still feeling the consequences.

If your parents hit the roof, expect it and try to understand (unless they're completely unreasonable, at which point put your foot very firmly down) at best they will probably be uneasy and full of valid concern... you just have to show them that you understand their concern.

Good luck ThatAwfulWoman and I hope everything goes well.

There was a 20 year age gap between my parents. They were the love of each other's life right up until my father died.

Lots of trust, respect, and above all wisdom exchanged between them.

I say go for it.

As a mother of boys i wouldn't be happy if they were with a woman 25 years older but only because it would mean they were very unlikely to have a family with a woman of 49. I dont think it matters the other way around for the simple fact that biology still means a older man is capable of fathering children.

So if you care about this man and are happy then that is all that matters.

I see it the same as you, BSB. In some cases the 5 years between 25 and 30 can be the time when a 'girl' becomes a woman.

ThatAwfulWoman I am 24 and my dp -soon to be dh- is 18yrs older then me. i think at first my parents were a bit iffy, but when they got to know him the now love him. he looks after me, he respects me, he spoils me!

because he is older he is more settled and mature then boys my age, and as a result i have matured.

if he is making you happy then go for it. your parents will soon be please that you are so happy. also my dp gets on better with my parents, then my sisters same age bf, because they are of a similar age!

I don't think it would bother me. I'd still be old enough to be his mother as I was 43 when I had my daughter. As long as he treated her right and that goes for any age.

It's really not that uncommon. My ex is 15 years older than me and we were together for 18 years. My great uncle married when he was 59 and his wife was 29, they were blissfully happy.

Now I've gone the other way and my husband is 11 years younger than me!

In theory, I wouldn't be too keen, but I am good friends with a couple with a 20 year age gap and that doesn't seem odd at all, as they just seem so right for each other. Also she is quite mature and he is quite young for his age, so I don't really even think about the age gap.

Yes, it would really bother me. When she's 30 he'll be 55. When she's 40 he'll be 65 and drawing his pension. Hopefully she'll see the light before it gets too serious.

I know a girl who was madly in love with an older man and he did an Anthony Strallen - broke up with her to force her to go and find someone her own age and have all the things - including babies - that he knew he didn't want to do all over again. He was a true gent IMO.