How would you feel if your 24 year old daughter was in a relationship with a...

[ThatAwfulWoman]

... man 25 years older?

Would it worry you or would his age not make a difference to you?

Do you want children? Does he have grandchildren, or children, and does he want any more? Just one thing to think about for example.

I can't say I'd like it much, but it wouldn't really be any of my business if she was 24.

There was 20 years between my grandparents and they were happily married for nearly 50 years. But there was a definite power imbalance in that relationship and not something I'd want for myself or my dd.

But I suppose it would depend on the individuals involved - what the actualy dynamics of the relationship were.

Just because an adult is currently seeing and/or having sex with a much older adult is not necessarily either a cause for concern or anyone else's business. Not all relationships have to progress to lifetime commitments; often short-term ones between people who are not longterm compatible are happy and life-enriching while they last, leaving good memories afterwards.

A relationship can look perfect from the outside in terms of the couple being 'well-matched' but that won't make it great if one of the people involved in it is an arsehole.

No?

How odd

I wouldn't like it tbh, I would want my dd to be with someone her own age who she could plan a future with. I probably wouldn't say anything but would hope it quickly fizzled out.

Yes it would worry me greatly, too big a difference. however, I would keep my mouth shut to avoid pushing them closer together.

Eww.

I mean, it would be fine is she was 40 and the man was 20...

Obviously, the above is as much bollocks as the OP. You're an adult, make your own decisions.

I have always found older men far more attractive than those of my own age (even at 41!), when I see very young girls with older men (eg. 17 and 40) my warning would be that at 17 you have a lot of changing to do and you may well find that you "outgrow" your partner as what you want at 17 may not be what you want at 40, and at his age he is NOT going to change. However at 24 you have more of an idea of what YOU want from your life. In all honesty I wouldn't be worried if my daughter was with an older man providing he treated her well, which would be no different to her dating a younger man. My only concern would be her happiness and I genuinely don't believe that age comes into that.

I would be concerned, but a 24 yr old in the UK can chose her/his partner without permission from anyone. So while I might try to gently ask her WTF!!?? I would be very surprised if she took a blind bit of notice of me interfering.

Just knowing the ages, I wouldn't be delighted. I would not say anyhting and anything I did say would be based on what he was like as a person, having met him.
However by 24, it's really none of my business. You're also old enough to know your own mind but young enough to not be thinking of 'settling'- as in I'm on the shelf, biological clock etc.

I just wanted people's instinctive opinions purely on the age issue, which was why I put so little info in the first post

It does really depend on the couple.

There was 20 years between me and xp, and we did stay together for 10 yrs, but i wouldn't do it again if you paid me millions.

However, I was only 18 when we got together, and i think that has more to do with my view, than the age difference.

I went out with a couple of people who were much older than me when I was in my early twenties.. and I dont know why now either.. I certainly wouldnt do it now as I am in my early 40's and would not want to be with someone who was pushing 70! Back then the age difference didnt seem too bad as we had the same interests, same sense of humour, and the same stamina for going to gigs and other activities.. I cant imagine being at a Green Day gig with a pensioner now!

But your family know you, TAW, they know your judgement and surely have some idea of what you're looking for in a relationship, they won't be thinking just 24/49. Don't let our opinions sway you, you're best placed to judge how they'll react.
Why haven't you told them yet?

How old are your parents? Because the nearer in age they are to your partner, the harder they are likely to find it. Which is not to say their first reaction will necessarily last.

A relative the same age as me has a much much older partner. It has taken some getting used to for his parents (because the partner is nearer their generation than mine) but all is now fine, not least because the relationship is very solid. But there will be no grandchildren, which quietly the parents do feel sad about.

At your age it's entirely your choice and your decision. You need to think long and hard about it but you are certainly old enough to decide. If you were 16 or 18 it might be different.
If you and your parents love and respect each other they should be able to give their advice and be listened to. But they should support you in your final decision

I was 19 when i met DH 20 years ago who was then 42.
He lost inrerest in sex when he was about 47 and i was 23.
I had a long term affair when i was 30.
Dh is now disabled and i am his carer.
I dont have a daughter but i do have a 17 year old niece and if she started dating someone a lot older than her i would be very very concerned.

Instinctively, I'd say that when you are 40 you won't want to be saddled with a grump. But right now, I know many attractive men of this age.

it would matter to me, she may be old enough to make her own decisions but that does not mean i will always think they are they right ones

i do not have a daughter i have a son but i woudl feel the same at 24 not long out of university maybe the start of a career enjoying life when you can still work and play hard i do not know anyone over 40 who is able to to that like they could at that age and also you enjoy different things in life

then of course the man himself is he recently divorced and wanting to be young again have known many he is the type who will not grow up know even more of this type there are many factors but no i would not be that pleased who knows it could work

At 18 I would have and did go against my mother when she disagreed with my partners. In fact I moved out with the biggest bastard I've ever met and came home with my tail between my legs a year and a half later. Had my mum kept schtum I wouldn't have moved in with him to get away from the bad vibe at home.

As a 24 year old I appreciate my mum's opinion, it's not gospel but it's as close as it gets. You should be able to discuss this kind of thing with your 24year old without them doing the teenage go against parents, but you can't make their decisions for them or expect them to dump partners you don't like.

25 years is a pretty huge gap, wouldn't do it myself. In my opinion I don't think you could ever be on the same level.

PS

Downton is tripe, so don't let anything on there worry you!

Ohh just see your first post.

If it doesn't bother you OP that's fine, but I think most mothers would be wary of how it would pan out.

It wouldn't be what I'd choose for her but it wouldn't be my choice to make and if he treated her well (if he bloody worshipped every step she made, respected her like a goddess and treated her mother well) then I would see it as a good thing to be celebrated. Age differences pose some issues, people cause some issues, there are difficulties and challenges is every relationship. If it were my daughter, and she was glowing and happy, I'd have no issue at all.

If I dated someone 24 years older then me it would mean they were 7 year older then my parents!

My mum wouldn't be bothered about age gap as hee current marriage was to a man 13 years older.

My mum married my dad who was 25 years older then herself and, although the marriage did go tits up, I'm afraid she was the guilty party (I wouldn't normally say that about anyone who divorced, but it was a truly vile separation and she conducted herself horrifically).

The age gap was never really acknowledged. There were a few generation gaps with music taste but that was about it. Although it is very clear now that it was a very cliche 'gold digger' situation, my dad certainly didn't play the 'dirty old man' role.

So it wouldn't bother me, but I can definitely see how it would bother other people. Any relationship has the potential to pan out really nicely or really horribly, so it's just a question of being there for the ups and downs.