To expect a colleague with suspected Aspergers not to be rude to me

[pointybird]

I share an office with Bob, and 2 years ago the company employed his 24 year old son Fred who (I believe) has Aspergers. Bob (the father) also displays autistic traits. Fred is increaingly rude to me and I have had to complain to management in the past about the way they both speak to me. Neither Bob nor managment have explained Fred's difficulties to us and I am at a loss as to how deal with Fred's rudeness.

Fred's behaviour is also very bizarre....locking himself in the loo every half hour and shouting/laughing to himself. He is also lazy and incompetent but Bob obviously protects him. How do I deal with this situation, given that management refuses to acknowlege the situation?

You know, as a working disabled person myself I quite respect the Op for trying to surmise a medical reason for her co-worker's behaviour rather than dismissing him as an unpleasant headcase. I would have loved a co-worker to armchair diagnose me years ago instead of losing my job as a 'lazy moaning hypochondriac.' Isn't it preferable for co-workers to be aware of certain diagnostic criteria than to be completely ignorant?

Princess not sure if Op did what you are suggesting would be a nice way...

OP Pointy wrote
He is also lazy and incompetent but Bob obviously protects him

I asked Please elaborate!!!

OP Pointy responded with
worldcitizen his father Bob covers his inadequacies so he doesn't get caught out ie Fred has a little lie down and his Dad (Bob) does his work

Thanks PrincessTeacake
worldcitizen Fred plays World of Warcraft and then suddenly realises he hasn't got enough time to finish his duties for the day. He then gets his Dad to help him. Often Bob is doing Fred's work whilst Fred is playing on the PC. That's what I mean by lazy and incompetent. He also hides in the warehouse, sitting on top of the racking - gives me a real shock when I go in!

That doesn't sound so much as incompetent as overwhelmed. Could it be that Fred's care system has broken down and Bob needs to bring him in?

Bob doesn't receive any care, just lives with his parents.

Anyway regardless. If Fred needs understanding it needs to be explained by management or Bob. If you're not already I suggest that you keep a diary. It's much harder to ignore dated and timed details.

Yes, it is perfectly acceptable to throw paper clips if you have aspergers and perfectly to assign a label of autism to anyone you find rude

Yes, LookBehindYou I think that if a co-worker needs different treatment then that should be explained by management. In my previous job we had a cleaner who had Downs Syndrome. It was explained to us what she could and couldn't do and how to help her when she became upset. It worked brilliantly

I have S; I would never intend to be rude to anyone, just mot my nature, but I think sometimes I am without knowing. if someone explains then I would address it absolutely. I don;t know if they have AS but if they do, could be same?

As for playing games etc- organisational skills are a common aspect of an ASD; there are many ways to help with that (seemed sensible for me to do ASD at uni LOL) but they would need support to learn- NAS can often offer but that's back the DX: to have my dx rubber stamped, even after being given by psychs, is a two year wait to see a special designated person. Now I am lucky enough to know diagnostician through university, but tbh if they have it, they do regardless of a dx or not- but the thing here is that YOU have a right to complain whatever, and they have a right to try and behave better once it has been explained. IMO. Unless it is raised though they won't know, many AS people like me are just crap at learning by osmosis.

thanks Peachy I will tell him each time he is rude and explain why

pointy I agree with peachy, my DH needs to be made aware of his odd reactions/behaviours, or he can not try to correct them, he would rather know than have people getting annoyed/upset with him and gossiping about it behind his back! He cannot alway correct mannerisms, but, if made aware, has practiced with me how to overcome a lot of social inadequacies.

But his management have helped in making other workers aware it is ok to tell DH when he is being unreasonable, and, as they know me quite well, they know i can often steer him in the right direction. Mind you, they are not alway very "PC" about it, one co-worker said only last week, "mrbubby, you are being a git, talk to mrsbubby!"