To expect a colleague with suspected Aspergers not to be rude to me

[pointybird]

I share an office with Bob, and 2 years ago the company employed his 24 year old son Fred who (I believe) has Aspergers. Bob (the father) also displays autistic traits. Fred is increaingly rude to me and I have had to complain to management in the past about the way they both speak to me. Neither Bob nor managment have explained Fred's difficulties to us and I am at a loss as to how deal with Fred's rudeness.

Fred's behaviour is also very bizarre....locking himself in the loo every half hour and shouting/laughing to himself. He is also lazy and incompetent but Bob obviously protects him. How do I deal with this situation, given that management refuses to acknowlege the situation?

That wasn't even the question though it was what should she do at work and te answer was 'well you don't know as you aren't an expert, so just tell him straight and don't make assumptions'

Instead we've gone round in a outraged dance making the same points 10 times over

I am not outraged. I m quite a good dancer though.

The thing to do is to report incidents to HR management. Op has been asked repeatedly what management /hr say.

I briefly worked with somebody who had a breakdown at work which almost resulted in a charge of assault. It would have been difficult to explain the event to anybody else without bringing in the fact that he was obviously, for an extended period of time, in great mental stress and not acting rationally.

that's quite distressing to witness merry

what does that have to do with autism?

The reason I mentioned AS/Autism was because I thought I might be able to deal with his rudeness in a kinder/more gentle way. I will just have to point out when he is being rude and how it makes me feel. No point me going to management, have tried that in the past (when I have been shouted and sworn at) but boss told me to "sort out myself". Other people have complained too, but to no avail. Management really are bloody useless (family run firm) and would look for another job but not a lot out there at the moment!

The point I am making is that because the op's colleague's behaviour is not normal, it is difficult to discuss without somebody, at some point, recognising that this behaviour is unusual. This might not be relevant to what the op should do to solve the problem and I think the op wasn't well posted and chose the wrong board.

And I am assuming that bob and Fred are rather unlikely real names for the op's colleagues and that they are pseudonyms.

Pointy - you say you have worked with people with ASD, so you should know that the way to tell him about how his behaviour is affecting you is to be direct. You don't have to be unkind to do that. Just tell him how it is and how you would prefer him to act towards you. Even if he is unable to be motivated by not wanting you to be uncomfortable, he would be motivated by not wanting you to be on his case for something or other.

A colleague shouting/laughing in the loo is very disconcerting. Some of you need to stop being so defensive and imagine how that must be.

Blimey. That is grim.
If my management were shouting and swearing at me I think the whole paper clip throwing would feel like the least of my problems.

I think your only choice is to be loud and clear.

The point is that it really doesn't matter if he has SN or not. You need to be clear that his behaviour is unacceptable. If he has SN then he may need the repetition and clarity. If he doesn't...well he still needs the repetition and clarity.

Speculating about SN doesn't help tbh. It might allow you to privately understand his motivation better but other than that it just clouds things really.

yeah, ok

the bloke could be on his bloody mobile phone ffs

Well I'd still say he had a problem if had the need to call people. Every 30 minutes and it just would back up op saying he is lazy

Either way its shit behaviour at work

Maryz no, not their real names

Sorry I'm not quick enough to respond, didnt realise how important it was.

That's because it wasn't important. Fred and Bob don't sound very genuine to me. Jeez.
I think UnChartered that the difference between chatting on a phone and random shouting/laughing would be fairly obvious.

Maryz Maybe 18 hours is particularly slow, but I'm working full-time and also a single parent. Don't have the time to make up stuff up and put it on a forum for the hell of it, and can't believe that other people do.

Pointy, is there anyone at all in the senior management team you could go to with some proposals for an office behaviour code of conduct or something like that? Sometimes, small companies are sweating buckets to keep their heads above water. If you could get some buy in for a "solution", rather than expecting them to sort something out for you, it may be better received.

I'm not saying this is how it should be, but given their disappointing response to date, it might be worth a complete change of tack.

PostBellumBugsy I wish! Owners of the company aren't based there, we have one manager who doesn't care if his staff sit around all day doing nothing (including me) and the fact is the company will probably be bust within 12 months and then I'll have to get a new job. I do appreciate your comment though

Sounds like it is time to prep your CV in that case.

Done!