To expect a colleague with suspected Aspergers not to be rude to me

[pointybird]

I share an office with Bob, and 2 years ago the company employed his 24 year old son Fred who (I believe) has Aspergers. Bob (the father) also displays autistic traits. Fred is increaingly rude to me and I have had to complain to management in the past about the way they both speak to me. Neither Bob nor managment have explained Fred's difficulties to us and I am at a loss as to how deal with Fred's rudeness.

Fred's behaviour is also very bizarre....locking himself in the loo every half hour and shouting/laughing to himself. He is also lazy and incompetent but Bob obviously protects him. How do I deal with this situation, given that management refuses to acknowlege the situation?

So saying he had suspected As when you actually know nothing of the sort is what??

To be honest, if management has already ignored you, I can see you are in a difficult and miserable situation.
I think you have to try again, in writing, noting the insulting names and the bits and pieces thrown at you, being specific and asking for help.
If they refuse to help you, go over heads if you can. Or, realistically, look for another job.

So is the aspergers just suspected from your point of view or has someone said something to make you think he has.
If its the first yabu. Either way you need to speak to you manager or hr.

Ok I will probably get flamed for this BUT I do have some experience that I can relate to this situation.

At uni I shared a house with four guys, one had aspergers. He was my friend and still is but he used to be rude sometimes (calling me fat or another person ugly). I understand that people with aspergers sometimes don't think before they speak because they are extremely truthful (in my limited experience anyway). He also used to throw tantrums and kick doors. I dealt with this situation as I would do if it involved anyone else, I told him he was being rude/unreasonable ect. I felt it was patronising to my friend to treat him any differently than I would any of my other friends.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because someone has aspergers I find it insulting to them to treat them differently. Obviously some circumstances require empathy and understanding. But if your colleague is being out of order to you, you should have a quiet word (not horribly) explaining you are upset like you would if it was anyone else.

Sorry for the long post.

In fact my friend in question is coming round this weekend to stay and catch up. So I must have dealt with these situations well enough for him to still like me a few years on

shaving as of now we don't know much...

So it's not really 'suspected' Aspergers is it, it is just one person's opinions? There's quite a difference (I am in the first of these categories - waiting for assessment)

Have to say your title scared the crap out of me as I am 'suspected Aspergers' and I spend all bloody day worrying about my colleagues thinking I'm rude.

Anyway, if Fred is actually locking himself in the loo all the time, then it doesn't sound like he's functioning well at all, and presumably you aren't the only person who's noticed this? And the paper clip throwing? I would guess that management already know?

But you don't actually have any idea if they DO have AS!! So why is it even part of the equation?!?!

Sorry ignore my last sentence, i forgot your manager is ignoring the situation. Speak to HR although I expect they know too? (sorry I am on slow 3G and missing posts!)

Exactly what triggles and some other posters with similar responses have said

Still waiting for OP Pointybird

i have AS, I would never ever throw paperclips at someone!

I would find it nigh on impossible not to correct someone if they were wrong.

FWIW I have done that and hurt a colleague previously, and I try very hard not to, but it just comes out
I just can't stand things being wrong, it hurts me in a way I can't describe.

You find behaviour in the workplace inappropriate. The solution is to raise it informally in the first instance with your line manager. Your line manager may be aware of reasonable adjustments that need to be taken and may informally be able to suggest ways of managing the situation. Speaking to the person upsetting you, changing where you sit, supporting you by providing E&D training, supporting your colleague by providing some training in relation to boundaries, etc..

Same here. I have AS, never thrown a paperclip at anyone in my life. I would also find it nigh on impossible not to challenge someone at work if they were wrong. I've been told by many a colleague that I'm rude for doing this, but they've never been able to show that I was wrong.

*triggles" You're right, I have no evidence that Fred has AS so I will treat him as any other co-worker

worldcitizen for some reason my iPad won't let me scroll up to OP. what do you mean?

We don't know much, about the type of work, what sort of management they have, how many people are in the office and what sort of rude behaviour OP has to deal with, and what the actual increase in rudeness looks like etc..... many questions really, me thinks?!

ah sammy! Someone who understands!
It is "better" to be rude than wrong, no?

Quite. If you don't want me challenge you, get it right. You are wrong and that is somehow my fault?

I am just sick of going to work and having people being rude to me (whether they have SN or not) and management refusing to deal or explain. I am not qualified to diagnose SNs (but have a limited understanding) and we have no HR dept so cannot complain to them. I did make an official grievance regarding the change to my contract but they didn't even allow me a meeting

just trying to explain there is no point me complaining to management as I am ignored

It must be horrible. I have been in that situation before. A new boss was recruited. He had no social skills whatsoever. he was rude and overbearing.

A lot of the things he did could be described as Aspergic (it did cross my mind at the time tbh) but a lot of the things he did were not so much.

In he end it didnt matter. He made my life a misery and for the first time in my life I was about ask to be signed off sick due to stress.

As it happened, a huge life event stepped in and made that action redundant...

Anyway, it was awful and you have my sympathies.

But the AS is a red herring. Its not your responsibility to work it out. That would be an unfair on you.

Even if he did have AS, I doubt you would find a single mother of or partner of someone with AS who would say you should put up with having things thrown at you etc.