To expect a colleague with suspected Aspergers not to be rude to me

[pointybird]

I share an office with Bob, and 2 years ago the company employed his 24 year old son Fred who (I believe) has Aspergers. Bob (the father) also displays autistic traits. Fred is increaingly rude to me and I have had to complain to management in the past about the way they both speak to me. Neither Bob nor managment have explained Fred's difficulties to us and I am at a loss as to how deal with Fred's rudeness.

Fred's behaviour is also very bizarre....locking himself in the loo every half hour and shouting/laughing to himself. He is also lazy and incompetent but Bob obviously protects him. How do I deal with this situation, given that management refuses to acknowlege the situation?

pointy I am sorry, either I am daft or I am still not understanding what is going on

OP can I ask if you have said anything to the individual in question?

Oh and thanks worldcitizen :)

OP Pointy
He is also lazy and incompetent but Bob obviously protects him

Please elaborate!!!

worldcitizen his father Bob covers his inadequacies so he doesn't get caught out ie Fred has a little lie down and his Dad (Bob) does his work

Sounds more like he has a coke habit.

Wow can't believe I wasted my time writing that huge paragraph

Shaving

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thank you, I think you understaned

I think you need to find another job pointy. This doesn't sound like a situation that will get any better.

WofflingOn

^Handle the situation as you would if the workmates were NT.
Tell them clearly, and without any dissembling, that the behaviour is unacceptable. Be very specific about what he is doing that you want to stop and why.^

Exactly this. When I was a mature student a couple of years ago one of my fellow students was a young man with Aspergers. I challenged him on every instance of rudeness, apparently the only other person who did this was his mother. By the end of the course everbody on the course did the same and his behaviour changed. He's a lovely young man, and his mum's lovely too.

People on the spectrum are not rude on purpose, they don't know they're being rude unless you tell them. My friend was mortified every time he was told he was being rude, and would apologise profusely.

*worldcitizen" This is not a wind-up. This is actually what Bob and Fred do.
*ShavingPrimateRyan" You didn't waste your time writing that huge paragraph.
I have tried to explain to friends and family what I have to cope with at work and they think I am being over-sensitive

OP - of course some people are just rude - look at the posters on this thread.

If the dad and the mgt won't listen, you'll have to get another job. But try and state your case first and see if things change. Try the Dad first.

pointybird I should apologise now, because I can't think of anything to say that might help. It sounds like a very awkward situation and your employers sound awful.

My eye was caught by SammytheSwedishSquirrel's comment: 'Quite. If you don't want me challenge you, get it right. You are wrong and that is somehow my fault?'

Sammy, I work with a little boy who has AS and this is very much the kind of thing he might say. It's one of the many reasons I love working with him. He is such a delightful person and I love his pragmatism and honesty. I apologise for the thread hijack. I just liked your comment and wanted to say so.

Bintang, I also liked your, 'ah sammy! Someone who understands!
It is "better" to be rude than wrong, no?' because it provides me with another insight into the workings of his mind. Some of the social conventions I have to help him with seem, when seen through his eyes, rather pointless. Thank you for explaining that so well.

As you were, everyone. Back to business.

Corygal I hope you don't mean I'm being rude, I have asked you pointy several times to be so kind and to elaborate, please. And you haven't.
I asked specific questions and there was either no answer or "vague" answer. So I find that rude, sorry.

GeorgianMumto5 I know what you mean. I'm surrounded by others with AS these days. It's so liberating. What you see/hear is what you get. No games, no hidden agendas, no social minefields. Just pure honest truth.

WC - Why would that response from the OP be rude?

Are you switching aggression to a different tack now you're on the defensive?

Anyway, this isn't about you - horrid for you, I know. OP - take heart, maybe tomorrow at work will be a breeze after this lot.

She did answer and elaborate though

I have to tell DS when he is being rude because he doesnt know. He is perfectly capable of being a cheeky blighter but he genuinely doesnt know a lot of the time.

Its taken ages to get the hang of it but now I say 'that sounded very rude, people will be upset if you say that'

He looks like this and says 'will they?!'

He also copies what other people say with no clue as to how outrageously rude he is being

I did ask the OP a question but she didn't answer? I assumed it was one of 'those' threads.

I also did ask along the lines of please OP would you be so kind and could you elaborate?!

Are you the only one noticing or suspecting something wrong? Or are there other colleagues as well. What are they thinking/saying?
What sort of workplace is it?
What sort of management is it? Why do they not intervene?
Can you elaborate more what you mean by rude behaviour? Like what? (beyond the paper clip)
How exactly has it intensified over the past 2 years?

And yes, asking along those lines 3-4 times (increasingly sarcastic and doubtful also thinking it's one of those threads)

Thanks everyone - this is my first foray into MN's and I really appreciate all your comments, even though some of the were deleted by MNHQ for breaking the Talk Guidelines

is it actual real rudeness or subjective rudeness (obviously im not talking about paperclips) i have to be reminded occasionally not to be direct with people and not to invade space in all fairness most people probally wouldnt say anything but my wonderfull admin lady knows i wont sack her if she tells me off

if its subjective

fwiw if anybody in employment has a disability and issues are raised with regard to differculities as a result of this disability reasonable adaptations have to be made it would be pretty pisspoor if a employer told another member of staff the in's and outs of the disability they had.it may be that you think steps arnt being taken but they are,and just cant tell you.

And still 4 hours later not much elaboration and no further examples, not really seeing how OP is engaging here in own first OP and throwing in a sentence here and there...

so Corygal yes I find that rude, or maybe I should say odd...and no, it's no interest of mine then to waste my time here on this thread.