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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have the rage at parents ignoring instructions for reception drop offs?

247 replies

YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 09:27

Ds2 started in reception last week. They did mornings last week and a few kids started each day, staggered by age. As he is one of the oldest he started on Friday. This week they stay till after lunch and we were advised today that in the mornings parents should now drop them off at the door and not come into the classroom anymore. So far so good and all totally reasonable.

Now I knew this morning would be tough. While generally confident and happy with school ds2 has always been a bit clingy at drop off even in his old nursery where he has been for years. Generally taking our time makes things a lot easier and then he is fine. I was totally happy with the fact that I couldn't do this anymore and had bigged him up about going in on his own like a big boy.

So we get there this morning and he's obviously wobbly and not wanting to go in. he repeatedly said that he wanted me to come in with him to which I replied 'i'm not allowed to come in anymore I'll stay here and wave but you need to go in on your own.' Eventually the teaching assistant had to lift him up and take him in which wasn't very nice for anyone, but again nothing unreasonable yet.

What gave me the rage was the 2 mums who went in breezily anyway to settle their kids, ignoring these instructions. What does this say to ds2? My mummy doesn't care enough to chine in but yours does? thanks for thinking you can do whatever the fuck you like, making it harder for all the other kids who are a bit wobbly and actually only prolonging the inevitable for your own. Grrrrrr!

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 12/09/2012 09:31

YANBU!

Parents like this drive me up the wall. I think even when children have SN, as mine does, then it's still wrong for them to break the rule. The school should put something in place so that children with SN have someone other than the parents to support them going in. It is very unfair on such young children to be inconsistent with rules like this, it sends mixed messages which doesn't do any of them any favours.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 12/09/2012 09:35

I'm one of those parents!!Blush

IMO he's my son and I know him best. If it takes me a couple of minutes to settle him for a couple of days, ten that's what I'll do.

I'm not a particularly molecoddling mother, but I won't have my children be upset unnecessarily. And it is unnecessary in my opinion.

Yes rules and regs have to be followed and I wouldn't do it every day for weeks on end. But at the end of the day the kids are 4 and 5 and it's a big change for them.

I really couldn't give a stuff who approves or dislikes it. My son and I'll do what I think is best.

(this was last year, he's just started yr1 no problems at all)

aquashiv · 12/09/2012 09:35

What gave me the rage was the 2 mums who went in breezily anyway to settle their kids, ignoring these instructions
more fool them OP. they are going to find it harder and harder to extract themselves when the term progresses. We have one Mother YR 3 who still battles to go in with her ds as thats what he now expects.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 12/09/2012 09:39

That's a very selfish attitude to have Boys, what about what's best for every other child in the class? Or is it only yours that matters? Do ou think they are more important than everyone else? Because I can assure you, they are not.

You're going to have to leave them at some point anyway, and is it really going to damage your children to have to take their own stuff into the classroom and find their peg etc? Just prepare then that you will be leaving them at the door, or wherever you are supposed to. It's really not that difficult.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/09/2012 09:40

YABU for saying such an arsey thing for no reason

uggmum · 12/09/2012 09:40

To be honest, I think school are being inflexible and a bit old fashioned. At both local primary schools and my sons current junior school it is expected and acceptable that parents can come in the classroom. It's all about inclusion and openness.

I used to take my dc in, hang up their coat, say goodbye etc and in reception they are only little and it can take time to adjust to full time school. we can go in and must leave by the time the bell rings we are also encouraged to go in every morning to 'share a book' with our child in a shared area.

All children are different and some need extra support I wouldn't be questioning the other parents about their behaviour, I would question the schools draconian approach. I feel it should be parental choice based on their child's needs.

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 09:42

boysboysboys I do get the whole doing the best for your own family thing. But imho you are being very selfish. I would have loved to have taken him in to settle him today especially as he has had less than half of the settling in time compared to some of the others. But it is not fair or right to ignore what the school requests to do what you like regardless. What if everyone had your attitude?

OP posts:
McPhee · 12/09/2012 09:42

Agree with outraged!!

Tiredmumno1 · 12/09/2012 09:44

I agree with Fanjo

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 09:45

Fanjo yes fair enough I shouldn't have said that. I was cross but appreciate that is unreasonable.

Uggmum I don't disagree with you there. At this particular school though its a practicality thing. There are 2 reception classes and a nursery and only a small entrance area. Nursery hasn't started yet and already it is chaos in the mornings. Nursery starts tomorrow hence today being the day they asked us to stop going in.

OP posts:
BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 12/09/2012 09:45

Not a selfish attitude at all.

It's my role as a mother to make sure he's happy. Sure his legs wouldn't drop off if he hung his own bag up etc.

Nor would my legs fall off if I stayed for five minutes to settle him.

If parents want to leave and their happy with their hold being happy tree or a little unsettled, that's their prerogative. And of course I'm not saying my child is more important.

At the time he was 4, and I treated him like a nervous 4 year old who just started big school with new teachers, new school, new children, new routine.

I only had to settle him for a week. I don't see the problem.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 12/09/2012 09:47

And I'm not getting into who's right and wrong. It was my decision for my child.

Nobody has to like it. We're all different parents.

If the school or parents had a problem with it, nothing was said to me.

auntmargaret · 12/09/2012 09:47

Oh, FGS, some of us barely stop the car before we pap them out and run to work. Let them have some independence and their confidence will grow. YANBU, OP- every nursery and school teacher knows that the longer the parent stays around, the harder it is to settle their kids. Stop being so needy, all you cloakroom stackers, your kids will thrive without you.

achillea · 12/09/2012 09:49

I think you need to tell the school about this, they are allowing these parents to undermine their rules and it's not fair on the kids, you, or the teachers.

Anyway they are wasting their time. When they come out you will be bonding with other Mums and they will have missed out.

YANBU

Floggingmolly · 12/09/2012 09:50

Have a word with the teacher. It's up to her to implement the policy; and you're right actually, why the hell should your child have to learn that rules only apply to those who don't have the brass neck to flout them?
I only ever conform to rules which are applied uniformly across the board.

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 09:50

And its very refreshing to hear your point of view outraged and doubly so that even if a child has sn this isn't unreasonable.

I'm all for the softly softly approach at times and agree they are still small but if you don't agree with the schools policy then by all means take it up with them but don't just do what you want anyway. Imho that is part of what is wrong with a lot of people growing up now and its not a good lesson to be teaching them - 'rules don't matter mate we just look after ourselves' Angry

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/09/2012 09:50

apology accepted..

FWIW my child with SN is really easy to settle at school and i wouldn't ever need to go in with her WinkSmile

theodorakis · 12/09/2012 09:51

The "what about special needs etc" should go without saying. It doesn't need 250 reminders applied to each thread about schools, parents, buses, trains, houses, swings, etc etc etc etc.
I am not saying it isn't important, quite the opposite. It should be assumed that anyone who doesn't assume this doesn't apply is either deeply thick or a tosser with a bad attitude.

marquesas · 12/09/2012 09:52

Boys, your posts are coming across as very selfish. If every parent was to ignore the school's wishes just because they think their child is the most special in the class it would be chaos.

Surely part of starting school is learning that you (the child) have to do as you're told and that you aren't the only one's whose feelings have to be taken into account.

OP - yanbu, it would annoy me too.

PoppadomPreach · 12/09/2012 09:55

YANBU, OP.

But there are always parents who think their child matters more.

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 09:59

Boys do you think I was happy to leave my son this morning to be carried in by the teaching assistant while he stuck his arms and legs out to resist going through the door? I can assure you I was not. It was horrible and I hung around for a bit to make sure he was ok. If they had given us the choice I would have taken another few days to settle him but I think ultimately he will be fine once he's in and that it is important for him to learn to respect the school and follow their rules even if they are not what I might have chosen.

I didn't want to have to do all that only to have someone like you ignore them so that he ends up thinking I give less of a shit about his happiness than you do about your sons!

I certainly will have a word with the teacher if this continues - given that it is the first day I will try to give them the benefit of the doubt that some of them might not have read the letter yesterday even though it was also being said to them on the door.

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 12/09/2012 10:01

Boys perfectly illustrates that all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.

Pendeen · 12/09/2012 10:02

" I don't see the problem. "

Perhaps the school need to explain the problem in simple terms.

akaemmafrost · 12/09/2012 10:02

I agree with Boys.

I tried to keep to the rules to begin with last year, sending my sobbing child in, it felt wrong, I saw other parents just taking their kids and I wasn't mad with them, I was mad with myself for not trusting my own instincts and comforting my child. This year is year one and she's fine from day one.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 12/09/2012 10:02

Like I said,

I only did it for a week

Nobody voiced their concerns about it to me

My child is not more important than your child

It's an aibu thread. You're bound to get difference of opinion. We all have different children and were all different parents.

I do not have to agree with you.