To have the rage at parents ignoring instructions for reception drop offs?

[YellowDinosaur]

Ds2 started in reception last week. They did mornings last week and a few kids started each day, staggered by age. As he is one of the oldest he started on Friday. This week they stay till after lunch and we were advised today that in the mornings parents should now drop them off at the door and not come into the classroom anymore. So far so good and all totally reasonable.

Now I knew this morning would be tough. While generally confident and happy with school ds2 has always been a bit clingy at drop off even in his old nursery where he has been for years. Generally taking our time makes things a lot easier and then he is fine. I was totally happy with the fact that I couldn't do this anymore and had bigged him up about going in on his own like a big boy.

So we get there this morning and he's obviously wobbly and not wanting to go in. he repeatedly said that he wanted me to come in with him to which I replied 'i'm not allowed to come in anymore I'll stay here and wave but you need to go in on your own.' Eventually the teaching assistant had to lift him up and take him in which wasn't very nice for anyone, but again nothing unreasonable yet.

What gave me the rage was the 2 mums who went in breezily anyway to settle their kids, ignoring these instructions. What does this say to ds2? My mummy doesn't care enough to chine in but yours does? thanks for thinking you can do whatever the fuck you like, making it harder for all the other kids who are a bit wobbly and actually only prolonging the inevitable for your own. Grrrrrr!

Still going in in Yr3!! Wtf for? Who would want to? Whilst the rules have been relaxed for reception children in the first couple of weeks, I don't see this at our school, it wouldn't be allowed.

YANBU! Drives me mad. My child would love me to come in with her but I don't. Others that do just make it harder for everyone else. IME it's the mums that can't let go- not the kids!
Same with everything though and I blame the school for not "cracking down"...

People doing what they believe is right for their child doesn't trump what is right for the class as a whole.

If there is a rule that parents dont go in to the classroom, then you are free to disagree with that and I would completely understand the point. But if you choose to send your child to a particular school then you a obliged to abide by their rules, and you also have to recognise that they put these rules in place for the benefit of all children. They aren't doing it to upset you or your child, they aren't doing it because they want crying, unsettled kids to deal with in the mornings, they are doing it because they have experience and they have taken a rational descision.

It is detrimental to the class if a couple of parents flout the rule, whether you want to admit it or not. By saing that you are just doing what is best for your child, you are also saying that you don't really care about the rest of the class. Which I find odd when you are hoping our child will settle into that class ASAP.

What real difference do you think it makes to your child's day if you go in and hang their coat up etc instead of letting the staff use their tried and tested strategies for getting children settled? I work in reception, we are not stupid and we are capable of settling a typical upset 4yo. If you don't believe that, why are you trusting us to care for your child for the rest of the day?

I think the school sounds pretty inflexable and rather old fashioned. The infant school both mine attended/atten, in reception year one (part time) we were encoraged to stay as long as we wanted (including the whole morning/afternoon) if we wished for the whole year.

In reception year two (full time) we are encoraged to stay and settle them for about 15 minutes for the whole year.

In the next two years (year 1 and 2) you have to go in with them and do 10 minutes of work with them before the day starts properly (eg listening to them read, reading to them, helping with writing).

When ds started year 3 at a junior school, within two weeks I was leaving him at the gate, to go and do everything himself, so it certainly didn't make him clingy or demanding. Instead it has made him super independent.

if I'm not told that other parents and teachers have a problem with it, how am I supposed to know

That has got to be the flimsiest excuse ever!

You are supposed to know because you have access to the same information that that has encouraged all the other parents to leave their child at the door! You are not so stupid that you need it spelled out to you individually!

How very bizarre. All my three have been taken in by me every day in reception, had a story and left when I felt happy. No problems at all, and encouraged by the teachers. Evn now, dd3 is in year two and I takew her in. I'm not a mollycoddler in the slightest but all parents do it. Wierd.

For my ds1, I stayed with him for maybe five minutes or so as he was teary for the first week in a new school, new teachers, new children and new routine.

He settled after a week. He's just started yr1 and I don't even get a kiss goodbye anymore. He's more than happy trotting off with his friends.

I'm not saying staff can't be trusted or are incapable of settling him. And it's nothing to do with me not wanting to let go as he's been in nurseries part time since he was 2.

For me, it was supporting him, encouraging him, reassuring him that all is ok etc.

If it was a problem for the school I'm assuming they would have voiced this to me. They didn't. So I can only assume that it wasn't a big problem for them.

If the school has certain rules, I don't think it's necessary to point out that yes, they apply to you and your child too and not just everybody else.

'had a story'? Blimey.

I am a person who throws my children out of the car and they go in perfectly happily.

But I am live and let live generally when it doesnt affect me - mollycoddlers can do as they please and will live with the effects themselves. Anyway, this morning, 2nd week back in reception, dd (4) was desperate for the loo, could we get through? Nope because it was filled with over zealous parents in an area the size of a postage stamp fussing over where to put the lunchboxes etc.

I was one of those parents who broke the rules in reception too. We were supposed to leave them in the [playground to line up and walk into school, but I wouldn't because DS1 looked so terrified. I used to take him to the door and his old trout of a teacher hated it. But I didn't care, it felt like the right way to introduce him into a new school.

I agree with the OP. There has to be consistency or there's no point having the rule. Her son and others were being sent the wrong message by a few selfish parents and that's not fair on anybody.

DD's school had a nice compromise when she was in reception. After the first week they had to go in by themselves except on Friday when the doors opened 25 minutes early and parents were encouraged to come into the class room so that children could show them what they'd been doing that week. The early opening meant most parents could manage to pop in for a few minutes and still get away for work on time so it worked well. She's in year 2 now though and have no idea what she gets up to unless she tells me

Certainly support, encourage, reassure, but try to do this outside the classroom. When DD started reception, there were 70 children who needed to pass through one small door and cloakroom area- far too chaotic if 70 parents were trying to follow them. Boys - You may not appreciate that your trying to settle your child in the classroom, however short a time you might be there, may in turn be unsettling other children. But hey, if your child is benefitting, what the heck.

The OP was commenting on parents ignoring specific instructions from the school.

Is it reasonable for any parent to ignore any rules they choose, or each parent set their own standards about which rules are 'important' and those which can safely be flouted?

If so let's have chaos then.

The debate about whether the instructin is right or not is something entirely separate!

It is very small minded to assume that the school would have said if it was a big problem for them.

They are in the difficult position of trying to build a good relationship with you as well as with the other parents. They may well have seen it as a problem and decided that if it continues until Xdate than they will say something, but didn't need to. That doesn't mean it didn't have a negative impact on another child who also wanted Mummy to join them into the classroom but was told it wasn't allowed in the meantime.

You can support, encourage and reassure at the same time as following the rule. Do you think that the parents who did what was asked of them didn't encourage, support and reassure their children?

Of course not. They did. And they told their child that they couldn't go in with them, but the parents who do the opposite of that are responsible for causing confusion in that child.

If a school has a rule that parents shouldn't go in and you do it anyway, you are kidding yourself if you think you really are doing the best for your child. You might be, but you might not be. What about they way our child feels when you have left and the teacher is congratulating the class on how well that came into school without their Mummies and how proud she is of them? How is your child going to feel when he knows he isn't included in that well deserved praise because of your descison?

What about when there are a number of children that need individual support from the TA, including yours, but the busy TA prioritises the other other children over yours because yours has already had more than the others by having Mum come in?

You have to think about what goes on after you have left the classroom as well.

Breaking the rules is so selfish though. It's unfair on the other parents and kids and it shows your child that if you don't like a rule, you just ignore it.

Very selfish and a poor life lesson.

At DD's school, no parents have been let into the classroom ever! I wonder what it is like in there. Hmm.

Well, we'll just have to disagree.

My opinion hasn't changed.

This happened a year ago. I feel I did what was best for my child and as he was 4 at the time, I'm not going try and justify my parenting to those who don't agree with me-as we're not going to agree.

OP, you and your child are now members of a school community that has rules it expects you to follow. If you don't want to, go to another school whose rules you are more in tune with.

boys seems to be getting it right in the neck when there's a fair few on this thread that agree with her and have done the same.

The fair few who have done the same have made it difficult for the rest of us who support the school's policy.

I don't even have a school age child but there seems to be a competition on this thread over whose child is independent the earliest and how quick you can get them out the car

They are 4
I know two 4 yo - I think one would be dropped off no problem, the other would have a hysterical reaction and I think would take some settling

In your opinion sue I don't agree with that at all.

Exactly Kayano. It's not one size fits all.

sue

It's not the OP who broke the rule!