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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have the rage at parents ignoring instructions for reception drop offs?

247 replies

YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 09:27

Ds2 started in reception last week. They did mornings last week and a few kids started each day, staggered by age. As he is one of the oldest he started on Friday. This week they stay till after lunch and we were advised today that in the mornings parents should now drop them off at the door and not come into the classroom anymore. So far so good and all totally reasonable.

Now I knew this morning would be tough. While generally confident and happy with school ds2 has always been a bit clingy at drop off even in his old nursery where he has been for years. Generally taking our time makes things a lot easier and then he is fine. I was totally happy with the fact that I couldn't do this anymore and had bigged him up about going in on his own like a big boy.

So we get there this morning and he's obviously wobbly and not wanting to go in. he repeatedly said that he wanted me to come in with him to which I replied 'i'm not allowed to come in anymore I'll stay here and wave but you need to go in on your own.' Eventually the teaching assistant had to lift him up and take him in which wasn't very nice for anyone, but again nothing unreasonable yet.

What gave me the rage was the 2 mums who went in breezily anyway to settle their kids, ignoring these instructions. What does this say to ds2? My mummy doesn't care enough to chine in but yours does? thanks for thinking you can do whatever the fuck you like, making it harder for all the other kids who are a bit wobbly and actually only prolonging the inevitable for your own. Grrrrrr!

OP posts:

Pendeen · 12/09/2012 16:55

"Wow some people on here really love their rules..."

"I view them more as guidelines to work towards."

So you decide which rules apply to you and which do not?

If everyone had that attitude then there would be chaos.

MuddlingMackem · 12/09/2012 17:01

OP YANBU.

Our DC's school allows you in to help them hang up their coats and bags on the first day, probably as that's quicker than the teacher and TA showing 30 kids where their pegs are. After that parents were not allowed past the door, probably because the pegs are in the corridor and there just isn't space. By the time they went back after the Christmas holiday they had to line up at their gate (separate yard shared by nursery and reception) and parents only went past the gate if they needed to have a word with the teacher.

I don't remember any problems with DD's class. (I didn't see DS's class when he was in reception as he was in breakfast club every day as I had a proper job then.)

nkf · 12/09/2012 17:02

I can just about understand the faffing about anxiously but what about those mothers who won't go home after drop off. My kid's school is always sending out letters asking parents (politely) to leave the playground in the morning. Why don't they just, well, go away? And do something.

CaptainVonTrapp · 12/09/2012 20:41

Who is sneering at people for following the rules putonyourredshoes ?

Certainly not me.

Nor do I need to speak to anyone at my school about the rules which were flexible for the first few days (parents invited in) and 3-4 days are now being adhered to.

A few posters have suggested moving schools if parents aren't happy with school rules. Is this a joke? In many areas parents are lucky to get a place in a school at all, let alone have a choice.

Original poster

YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 21:23

For what its worth I don't have any issues with any particular approach a school might like to take regarding this except those who expect you to go in and read with them which is another way of making it difficult for working parents really. Another thread though and not the the point of this one.

I still think, and am pleased to see i'm not alone, that if the rules say that you leave them then that's what you do. For sure there may be lots of reasons why this is difficult for particular children but this should be worked through with the school to sort out a way that doesn't make it inconsistent for the others whose mums do leave such as a different entrance / start time etc. because whichever way you look at it it makes it harder for other children who are wobbly if some mums deliberately flout the rules.

To those of you who say I am raving because I feel guilty for how I managed it you are partly right. I am emphatically not guilty for following the school rules and think the way I managed it this am is teaching my son a good lesson in this regard. I am guilty and frustrated that given that others deliberately ignored it that my son will feel like I don't care. However I would still do the same in the future.

I didn't speak to the teacher today. However if the same thing happens on Monday I will do because I think it is unfair to those children whose parents follow the rules to feel like their parents care less than those who don't., if there are specific reasons for the kids in question (which of course I would accept without asking what they are) I will ask that they find a way to deal with this without being inconsistent to the others such as coming in early / different entrance etc.

Good luck to all of you juggling the new school year.

OP posts:

messalina · 12/09/2012 23:34

WHY are there 231 posts about this? My DD has just started school. Am I missing something?! Not really sure why lots of people are getting so cross either way. Is this what I am meant to worry about now?

Leena49 · 13/09/2012 03:57

Personally and I know some may disagree. I think reception is too early to leave your kids at the door. Our school starts this in year 2 although I think year 1 would be ok. But if that is the rule then the pushy parents should accept it. I would have found it tricky to stick to that rule though when dd was in reception.

Leena49 · 13/09/2012 04:02

I would imagine sometimes the teacher actually wants to see a particular parent but they are the ones that probably drop their kids at the school gate ( reception age) and run not the classroom door!

Liketochat1 · 13/09/2012 06:40

At my sons previous school parents continued to do this right up to year 2. I thought it was odd they didn't stick to rules but certainly never felt enraged by it. Its really not that big a deal. Either follow their lead and go in or tell your son they aren't doing what they are supposed to be doing. My kids always understood that.

FamiliesShareGerms · 13/09/2012 19:41

OP, rules is rules and they're there for a good reason. I don't understand why some parents linger for so long!

differentnameforthis · 14/09/2012 01:21

I can't believe any class teacher would encourage the parents to come into the class and read their child a story as a way of settling them in in the mornings

At our school, particularly in the lower junior classes (so reception/1/2) it is common place for parents to go into the class with their child & listen to them/help them read/read them a story. It's fantastic! Sometimes there are up to 15 parents in the room, but it works! Space is not huge, but the children love showing mum/dad what they are learning & the teachers encourage it. In cases where parents can't stay, other parents will help listen/read to other children too. It creates a great sense of community & encourages the children to help each other as they see parents helping out.

OneMoreChap · 14/09/2012 08:55

Leena49 Thu 13-Sep-12 03:57:53
I would have found it tricky to stick to that rule though when dd was in reception.

Mmm.
Any other rules that you'd feel optional to follow?

My personal favourite is mothers & fathers who let their kids sit on the baggage conveyors at airports.

Floggingmolly · 14/09/2012 09:41

Most people find rules "tricky" to stick to. Rules are usually imposed when behaviour is required that goes against your natural inclination.

Doesn't mean they're not required, or it's always safe not to comply.

catwoo · 14/09/2012 09:51

the teacher will start giving stickers to those who can come in by themselves, I expect.

I have come across this coming into class and reading to the child crap.I personally don't agree with parents coming in to read to their class for the first 15 minutes or sao because it isn't fair on the children whose parents can't . Maybe have to get to work or younger sib in tow.Also it delays the start of the day for everyone.

differentnameforthis · 15/09/2012 06:07

catwoo, it is worked into the schedule at our school. Doors open at 8.45, bell at 9am indicates that roll is to start & parents are to leave.

I don't get this "some parents can't, so other parents shouldn't" It wouldn't be fair on those who can so it, to stop it because some parents can't do it. My school allows it, my daughter loves it.

It isn't crap at all. It works very well in our school.

Cherrypieplum · 15/09/2012 09:36

There are so many reasons to not go in!

The child will be more settled in the long term as well as more independent and organised. The ones who have everything done for them are the ones who can't find anything at the end of the day. And whose parents get their hair off with the teacher for not tracking it like an endangered baby panda(!)

It sends mixed messages to kids who have come it without their parents. It's disruptive if parents then have to walk back through the room.

Plus most people are more than likely not CRB checked. Boys, How would you feel about other unchecked adults walking around your child's school?

McKayz · 15/09/2012 09:43

Cherry, what a load of rubbish!!! Last time I checked you don't have to be CRB checked to take your children to school.

I've never read such a stupid thing.

PrincessScrumpy · 15/09/2012 10:12

By day 3 my dd was so happy and confident I suggested she go in by herself. The teacher greats at the main door and the lovely TA helps them in the class so me walking with dd the short distance of the corridor seemed unnecessary. Some other children were crying and clinging so I explained to dd that some children struggle and are a bit nervous but as she's so happy and loving school would she like to go in by herself? She was more than happy to do this.

I think it's important to encourage children to do it themselves but some will be ready before others. I really don't think dd thinks I love her less than parents taking kids in - in fact I think she finds them a bit silly for crying as she doesn't understand how anyone could not want to go to school. I wouldn't judge others but I do see your frustration.

Best way forward imo would be to talk to ds about school and how you feel he's doing so well and that he's such a big boy he can go in on his own (lots of praise) and if he points out others still take kids in, just say well maybe they're not ready yet, but you are doing sooo well.

The others are probably prolonging it and will make it harder in the future. dd was fine but I felt if I kept taking her in she would get used to it and it would be harder to stop. Plus getting the double buggy in with her little sisters was a complete nightmare trying not to hit any children

PrincessScrumpy · 15/09/2012 10:14

oh forgot to say, our school encourages parents to come into class (for set sessions) and be involved but I'm not sure drop off is the time to do it!

differentnameforthis · 15/09/2012 10:16

It isn't disruptive because those children without parents with them (and they are allowed in the yard at 8.30, there is always someone on duty then) can play in the yards or read in the library until the 9am bell.

There is no need to worry about parents not being crb checked (although I am, as I work at the school) because they are listening to their child read, last I noted, you did not need a crb check to listen to your child read.

There are parents walking around the school at 8.30 - 9 & 3.20 - 3.45. Funnily enough, I don't see them all as a threat & I don't think they need to be crb checked to accompany their children onto school premises.

Cherrypie, you are inventing problems that aren't there. Your arguments are at best, stupid!

differentnameforthis · 15/09/2012 10:20

Oh & my daughter is confident, independent & organised. If I go in with her she runs ahead, puts her bag up on the peg, takes her water bottle in, takes her books back to the library & meets me where ever I am working that day. Then I may walk her to class & listen to her read, or she will say she is off to play.

If I am not volunteering at the school, she gets out the car at kiss & drop & walks herself to class, doing all the above. Then at the end of the day she collects all her stuff & meets me at kiss & drop.

CockyPants · 15/09/2012 11:04

I think there are some quite hard hearted posts on this. Unhappy kids are not going to learn. It is in everyone's interests- child, parent, teacher and school to make sure kids are happy to come to school and stay in school. All children are different, so require different strategies. I could not and would not leave a distressed child with teachers, who are still at this stage, relative strangers to the child.

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