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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have the rage at parents ignoring instructions for reception drop offs?

247 replies

YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 09:27

Ds2 started in reception last week. They did mornings last week and a few kids started each day, staggered by age. As he is one of the oldest he started on Friday. This week they stay till after lunch and we were advised today that in the mornings parents should now drop them off at the door and not come into the classroom anymore. So far so good and all totally reasonable.

Now I knew this morning would be tough. While generally confident and happy with school ds2 has always been a bit clingy at drop off even in his old nursery where he has been for years. Generally taking our time makes things a lot easier and then he is fine. I was totally happy with the fact that I couldn't do this anymore and had bigged him up about going in on his own like a big boy.

So we get there this morning and he's obviously wobbly and not wanting to go in. he repeatedly said that he wanted me to come in with him to which I replied 'i'm not allowed to come in anymore I'll stay here and wave but you need to go in on your own.' Eventually the teaching assistant had to lift him up and take him in which wasn't very nice for anyone, but again nothing unreasonable yet.

What gave me the rage was the 2 mums who went in breezily anyway to settle their kids, ignoring these instructions. What does this say to ds2? My mummy doesn't care enough to chine in but yours does? thanks for thinking you can do whatever the fuck you like, making it harder for all the other kids who are a bit wobbly and actually only prolonging the inevitable for your own. Grrrrrr!

OP posts:
marquesas · 12/09/2012 10:03

I think a word with the teacher would be the way to go, it's undermining their authority in their classroom as well. Tomorrow you might be the only parent staying outside if the others see that the rules are being ignored.

akaemmafrost · 12/09/2012 10:08

Oh yes talk to the teacher and forever by know as the class busybody.

Floggingmolly · 12/09/2012 10:09

Busybody? Hmm

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 10:10

I think I will have a word tonight actually. he's in breakfast club for the next couple of days but if the same thing happens on Monday I'd be pretty furious.

And boys, you don't have to agree with me that is true. But I bet although no one spoke to you about it they weren't happy as you are in the minority on this thread with your views not me!

OP posts:
sue52 · 12/09/2012 10:11

YABU. YANBU. Rules are the same for everyone. These parents tend to be the ones who turn into door hugging teacher grabbers at the end of the school day.

varicoseveined · 12/09/2012 10:11

OP - YANBU. There were parents doing this clogging up the corridor and made it difficult for children to pass through, this went on for much of the year even though it had been addressed by the headteacher.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 12/09/2012 10:12

Wow op! You're in the majority! Great!

If I'm not told other parents and teachers have a problem with it, how am I supposed to know?

I didn't realise mn was a popularity contest.

sue52 · 12/09/2012 10:12

YABU was for Boys.

akaemmafrost · 12/09/2012 10:12

I don't think anyone really cares what other parents are doing at our school to be honest. It would not occur to me to mind what someone else thought was best for their child.

DrunkenDaisy · 12/09/2012 10:14

This reply has been deleted

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CaptainVonTrapp · 12/09/2012 10:16

We were invited in for the first few days to help them find pegs/settle them in etc. It was a bit squashy but fine and on balance probably helpful to the teacher.

tbh I had no idea what the procedure was on the first day until we got there so wouldn't have had an opportunity to bring it up with the school. Fortunately they seem to have a sensible approach.

Theres no way I would have sent a just 4 year old in their first day kicking at the door frame though. Doesn't seem very helpful to do this to me (to the child) and I don't think many places require this sort of inflexibility.

All the children are fine going in now so, contrary to some of the suggestions on this thread, there are no expectations that parents will always be going in or indeed still going in in Y3 Hmm

theodorakis · 12/09/2012 10:16

Oh, I have just read the last 10 or so posts and thought boys was a new MN term of address, as in "Boys, do you think I was happy...?" I am so thick sometimes. I thought it was like "guys,do you think I was happy...?"

soverylucky · 12/09/2012 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toughasoldboots · 12/09/2012 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marquesas · 12/09/2012 10:18

But Boys, why would you need to be told that ignoring an explicit instruction is a problem?

The teachers at the OPs school have told parents to stay outside for a reason, don't you think that in their years of teaching reception children that they haven't come across every type of child and know what's best for the class as a whole.

akaemmafrost · 12/09/2012 10:18

Exactly Captain every child in Year 1 goes in alone now, saw ONE fussy one this morning, but he still lined up and went in. I am pretty sure that no child would allow their embarrassing parents near the classroom by Year 3.

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 10:19

Akaemma but getting annoyed at thurs is doing the best for mutt child. If he went in without a fuss (as ds1 did when he started) I probably wouldn't even notice it. But other parents selfishly ignoring the rules impacts on my child as all he can see is mess ignoring his upset while other parents are coming in anyway so I must bree lying to him about not being allowed!

Boys I wasn't making this into a popularity contest just pointing out that on this issue your view is at odds with pretty well everyone else. And if your view point is that people should be pulling you up on breaking the rules rather than expecting you as an adult to set a good example for all the children by following them i'm hitting my head against a brick wall.

OP posts:
cloudpuff · 12/09/2012 10:21

I was gonna say the school abu innot allowing parents in as its only the second week back and some of these children wont have had any experiance in creche's and other places but then I saw that space is an issue.

I think I'd be annoyed if I had followed the rules and left my upset child to then watch a few swan in a do whatever they want but I think i'd keep my trap shut and just do a cats-bum face. There will be these types of parents who think rules dont apply to them or their precious little child in every year group in every school, pick your battles I say.

marquesas · 12/09/2012 10:21

Yes, tough, we have those parents and the ones who bring noisy toddlers to things who drown out the children performing despite having been asked nicely by the HT not to.

But, hey, as long as they're OK never mind the rest of us.

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 10:21

Thank dyac for all the typos in the last post...

OP posts:
BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 12/09/2012 10:23

I'm selfish for not following 1 rule? For a week?

I think you're all being a bit irrational and presumptuous.

I do not bother the teacher before or after school.
I do not stand up in school plays and record it.
Nor do I busy myself with what other parents are doing.

I did what was right for my child.

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 10:24

Captain it wasn't his first day. It was his fourth day but because of how they stagger the start some other children had being going for twice as long as him. Until today i've been going in with him to settle him.

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 12/09/2012 10:25

I am sorry but I don't think the other parents ARE being selfish, they are doing what they feel is right for their child and at age 4 I kind of think there needs to be some flexibility. I only did it about three times and then started bigging her up the night before and at breakfast about how she was going to be a big girl today and go in alone and she did.

I also think to say that the parents who do this are the Teacher Collerers and selfish school play filmers is rubbish too. I most certainly am neither of these things. Once dd is dropped off I trust them to do right by her and I am first in to pick her up and first back out the school gates. But my tiny little 4 year old going into that massive building alone with hundreds of new scary faces? No I am going to help her with that.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 12/09/2012 10:31

I laugh at the assumption they will not still be doing it in yr 3. In my dcs school some of them are trying mightily hard to go in with the kids. This has not made for happier children.

Personally my ds wasn't the happiest on his first day at nursery to be told he had to go in alone from the gate as dd's school opened 10 mins later and was over a mike away. Doesn't mean he was incapable! He proceeded to go alone through reception and dd had to walk through the school alone from yr 2 as ds needs more supervision. Independence does then good IMHO. Dd did used to ask why others still had parents hanging their stuff up in yr 2 Hmm but I told her that that wasn't up to us to question and er would do what the school rules said.

YANBU op.

crackcrackcrak · 12/09/2012 10:36

Yanbu op. not in any way -teaching by example about following rules is so important.

Theo - god I so agree with you!