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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have the rage at parents ignoring instructions for reception drop offs?

247 replies

YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 09:27

Ds2 started in reception last week. They did mornings last week and a few kids started each day, staggered by age. As he is one of the oldest he started on Friday. This week they stay till after lunch and we were advised today that in the mornings parents should now drop them off at the door and not come into the classroom anymore. So far so good and all totally reasonable.

Now I knew this morning would be tough. While generally confident and happy with school ds2 has always been a bit clingy at drop off even in his old nursery where he has been for years. Generally taking our time makes things a lot easier and then he is fine. I was totally happy with the fact that I couldn't do this anymore and had bigged him up about going in on his own like a big boy.

So we get there this morning and he's obviously wobbly and not wanting to go in. he repeatedly said that he wanted me to come in with him to which I replied 'i'm not allowed to come in anymore I'll stay here and wave but you need to go in on your own.' Eventually the teaching assistant had to lift him up and take him in which wasn't very nice for anyone, but again nothing unreasonable yet.

What gave me the rage was the 2 mums who went in breezily anyway to settle their kids, ignoring these instructions. What does this say to ds2? My mummy doesn't care enough to chine in but yours does? thanks for thinking you can do whatever the fuck you like, making it harder for all the other kids who are a bit wobbly and actually only prolonging the inevitable for your own. Grrrrrr!

OP posts:
FuntimeFelicity · 12/09/2012 11:21

YANBU OP

The issue here isn't whether parents should or should not continue to escort their children into school for as long as they feel it's needed but whether, having had a specific request from the school, it's OK for some parents to ignore it.

I agree that it's selfish to believe that the needs of your child over-ride those of everyone elses (children and school staff, because this request will have been issued for a reason).

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 11:22

Surface if you read the op you'll see I don't have a problem at all with the rule. I'd have left it another week to settle them but i'm happy with that not being the case.

The issue I have is with other parents who think this does not apply to them, not with the school.

Outraged I totally and utterly agree with you

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 12/09/2012 11:23

No, we don't have to agree. Nor do you have to admit you are being selfish. We are all like that at times with our children, that's how we are designed.

I'm just asking that the parents who do this open their minds just a little to consider the wider effects of their descision on both their child, and the other children. Who presumably you want to be well settled because that in turn helps your own child to settle.

sue52 · 12/09/2012 11:24

When younger, DD2 had to negotiate her way through a sea (to a 4 year old) of adults, buggies and younger siblings in the cloakroom to get to her class. Quite frightening and confusing for a small child and against the rules. Some parents do not understand that their selfishness impacts on the other children.

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 11:24

Surface = sue52

OP posts:
sue52 · 12/09/2012 11:25

pendeen You are right. Sorry YellowDinosaur.

akaemmafrost · 12/09/2012 11:25

But the rule itself is the real problem. How about "feel free to help your children settle for the first week or two, however after that we would really like it if you could work with us by talking with your children and letting them know that they will need to learn to come in alone". I did this and it only took three times and everyone's happy.

CaptainVonTrapp · 12/09/2012 11:27

I was thinking something similar Kayano. Some people seem so terrified about being 'helicopter parents' (a common accusation on mumsnet) and delight in boasting how independent their 3 year olds are Hmm and how far away from school they were able to drop them (without stopping the car) on their first day without so much as a goodbye.

Well I guess this is one way of achieving independence but it certainly doesn't mean the alternative (helping with bags and coats in the first week) will lead to a lifetime of dependency!

sue52 · 12/09/2012 11:29

If you don't like the rule take issue with the school before your child starts. Flouting it when other's are not is unfair.

akaemmafrost · 12/09/2012 11:31

Maybe. But you can't be sure what is going to happen on the day do you? IMO some flexibility is required on everyone part.

Birdsgottafly · 12/09/2012 11:34

**

I, to, don't see the need for that remark. My DD was wrongly placed in a mainstream school, i had to fight for a place at a SEN school.

I, at the request of the school, was asked to support my DD in the classroom.

I can remember the judginess of other parents, who thought that it was an extension of pfb (she was my 3rd), very few understood SN.

Schools should have all necessary policies and procedures in place, to deal with everything, if they don't, then don't blame the parents, that includes stopping them from entering the classroom.

But children have different needs, so unless you know the story behind it, then you shouldn't judge.

sue52 · 12/09/2012 11:34

Didn't you have a meeting and look around before you started when you could have asked about procedure in the morning. This happened at our local primary and everyone knew what was expected, though even that didn't stop some rule breakers.

weegiemum · 12/09/2012 11:37

I've never taken mine in - never! All 3 of them knew it was on the school bus in the morning and bye-bye, even on the first day. Mine were older (5.6, 5.6, 4.9) as in Scotland you start school later, but even so. Can't imagine ever wanting to go in with them, or stay for a story, or Shock stay all morning.

I've always been neglectful laid back, though!

FuntimeFelicity · 12/09/2012 11:38

Birds - the Op has apolgised for that remark.

halcyondays · 12/09/2012 11:38

At our school most people drop them off at the door and they go in with the teacher, but you can still go in with them to the cloakroom if you want to. Nobody goes right into the classroom. I usually leave dd2 at the door but yesterday I carried her in because she'd fallen and hurt her knee.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 12/09/2012 11:39

Personally, I prefer a rule that allows parents to come into the classroom for the first few days, but with a definate date that it has to stop. That way the children can be prepared for it by staff and parents, but they still have that little bit of extra time to share their new surroundings with their parents.

But if the school has a rule that they don't want parents in at all, then tough. A rule is a rule. If you don't like it, complain to the school, use a different school, defer your child's induction until they are older, home educate. But don't break the rule because it's simply not fair on the other children who are taking just as big a step as yours is.

WelshMaenad · 12/09/2012 11:41

My daughter has sn, and the only morning I've gone into the classroom was her very first day of reception. She's now in yr2, super confident and independent. I don't think this is an accident. What came first, the clingy child or the mollycoddling mummy?

diplodocus · 12/09/2012 11:42

Yes, it would be lovely if we could all go in and settle our kids for a week or so, but in many schools, including DDs there just wouldn't be the room. The cloakroom is tiny and the classroom certainly couldn't take 20 children, 20 parents and some younger siblings. These rules are usually set in place for good, practical reasons.

MrsRhettButler · 12/09/2012 11:44

YANBU op, when dd1 was starting reception there was a little boy in her class who had sn and his mother didn't flout the rules, she settled him from outside the door, yes he needed a longer time to get used to going in but she spent that time with him outside! actually it worked out ok because dd started taking him in with her and he liked that and soon settled in quickly.
It's rely not fair on the kids who's mums have stuck to the rules when they see others being treated differently.

Original poster
YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 11:44

Birds I have already apologised for that which I appreciate makes me look like a twat. I can assure you that it doesn't reflect my feelings about children with special needs or their parents. More my understanding of how these threads go - lets look for any possible reason why this might have happened and latch onto that rather than assuming the parents are selfish. I'd have no problems with children with sn having more help settling in.

Fwiw while I have no idea about 1 child I know the other and he does not have sn.

OP posts:
Youcanringmybell · 12/09/2012 11:45

Op YANBU

It is always beyond me why some people ^^ Think that the rules don't apply to THEM

Bloody hell, do some people really to teach their children to behave like they are superior and deserve the right to break rules if they deem themselves MORE IMPORTANT.

OvO · 12/09/2012 11:49

I'd flout that rule too if my child was upset. No way, no way, would I walk away from my DS if he was upset. An extra 5 minutes of comfort so that he can then go into school feeling better is a no brainer to me. Surely spending a few days/a week/ however long it takes so that they gain confidence naturally is better for them in the long run? Not having them peeled off you and still upset.

The school should be putting something into place for those children that take a little longer to settle. Let the others be dropped off that are happy to be.

McKayz · 12/09/2012 11:53

I take DS1 in everyday. He is now in Year 1. I took him in everyday of reception too. He hangs his stuff up and puts his drink and book bag away and we have a cuddle and say bye. Everyone does it.

I think the school is creating the problem here as I know a fair few of the children in DS1's class really struggled in reception and it would have been awful for them to have just been told to go in on their own.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 12/09/2012 11:54

Prepare to be flamed OvO

I agree with you but have just been flamed for the past 2-3 hours. You're selfish apparently.

akaemmafrost · 12/09/2012 11:55

There's a few that agree *OvO.