To have the rage at parents ignoring instructions for reception drop offs?

[YellowDinosaur]

Ds2 started in reception last week. They did mornings last week and a few kids started each day, staggered by age. As he is one of the oldest he started on Friday. This week they stay till after lunch and we were advised today that in the mornings parents should now drop them off at the door and not come into the classroom anymore. So far so good and all totally reasonable.

Now I knew this morning would be tough. While generally confident and happy with school ds2 has always been a bit clingy at drop off even in his old nursery where he has been for years. Generally taking our time makes things a lot easier and then he is fine. I was totally happy with the fact that I couldn't do this anymore and had bigged him up about going in on his own like a big boy.

So we get there this morning and he's obviously wobbly and not wanting to go in. he repeatedly said that he wanted me to come in with him to which I replied 'i'm not allowed to come in anymore I'll stay here and wave but you need to go in on your own.' Eventually the teaching assistant had to lift him up and take him in which wasn't very nice for anyone, but again nothing unreasonable yet.

What gave me the rage was the 2 mums who went in breezily anyway to settle their kids, ignoring these instructions. What does this say to ds2? My mummy doesn't care enough to chine in but yours does? thanks for thinking you can do whatever the fuck you like, making it harder for all the other kids who are a bit wobbly and actually only prolonging the inevitable for your own. Grrrrrr!

YANBU. Not fair on the child or the other children.

My DS has S.N and this time last year I was waving him off on to a mini-bus full of KS3 children for a ten mile trip to a school he had visited once in June. He was 4.3.

I was utterly terrified We are both well hard

If the school have that rule, then they have it for a reason (and it's usually its becauses of space). Then yes, it is massively unreasonable to flout the rule - say goodbye/pep talk before the door.

If the school doesn't have the rule, then it's fine to take them in and settle them as long as the school are comfortable.

If a parent picked a school where it has the rule but then the parent breaks it because they're not happy, then the parent is at fault. They had all the time before school to prep the child, and it does smack of mollycoddling, if they are flouting the rules just to say goodbye.

Our nursery let's parents stay for half an hour on the first visit (after having two supervised play sessions), then not at all for the next nursery session. I think this helps settle children but also enforces boundaries for both parents and the school. Incidentally the school are very strict on reception children going in by themselves, having taught the rules at nursery.

I know, Boys, I've put on my fire repellant knickers.

I honestly think that people get so pissed off with people breaking this rule and others like it as they want to break the rule too. They want to stay and help their child settle in but we are all conditioned to follow these rules even when it goes against our instincts. So we get angry when others do what we can't.

I'm sure everyone will disagree with me on that point too and im just selfish and entitled. [grin ]

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Wed 12-Sep-12 09:35:21
I'm one of those parents!!

Ah yes, one of those parents.

"My pwecious is diffewent, to all of your oafs. I'm a ca-wing mummy and you're not. I'll talk through your DCs bit in the play so I can tell you all my dahwing is next"

I wonder if you park across the road from the school gates, or block the road as dahwing infant is accompanied into school.

In what way do others find this sort of behaviour acceptable?

I had great delight in getting one of those parents ticketed twice in a week when DS was at first school.

Im so glad I homeschool now and dont have to put up with judgy bitchiness at the school gates anymore, nor force my crying child to stay somewhere she was utterly miserable whilst unpleasant cat-bum-mouthed mothers of easy to settle children judged me for sticking around to try and comfort her.

But why can't you settle and prepare you child outside the entrance?

Parents can help settle for the first few weeks then they ask you to not to come into class so tecaher can help them settle as a group. At least a dozen parents ignored this despite their children showing no signs of distress and needing help. I remeber seeing one small boy trying to get past the fussing parents (of which none of these kids looked upset, in fact most were laughing and joking with the kids)and buggies to get to the toilet, he kept asking quietly excuse but not one person moved and by the time the ta saw what was happening and managed to manoever through that child wet himself as a result, I still feel awful for that little boy when I think about how intimitated he must have felt and how selfish those parents were.

Blimey who knew the stridents would all turn up for this thread. Goes to show you never can tell how a thread will go. And the more that rock up the nastier they get............

What a nasty and spiteful post onemorechap.

I think it's dreadfully selfish so yanbu.

Kids aren't daft and my dd used to try it on after seeing other mothers breeze past in Y1,let alone rec.In our rec they had to walk through a gate(teacher and TA were stood there) and absolutely no parent was allowed to go through-worked a treat.

Y1 whole diff story,v weak teacher and my dd turned from a confident school goer to a cling on just so she could have her mummy at the pegs too.Was a total nightmare(I cursed the backs of every mother who sailed through).

The fact is if every parent did this it would be chaos and it actually sends out neg messages to the kids with mums who follow the rules ie my mum doesn't care.

I was a teacher too and have seen it on both sides,believe me SEN aside there is no reason for any parent to do this.Procedures and staff are in place and there comes a time in a kids life when they have to get on with following rules-it's life.

YABU

At age 4 it's up to the mum to decide if a rule like that is appropriate or not. Someone rightly said that some of these children will have no experience of nurseries and their rules. They are 4 and suddenly mummy is dumping them with a stranger in a large scary place and leaving. It could be daunting and only a mother would know whether leaving quickly is going to be ok or not.

I agree with whoever said you should be taking it up with the school as it sounds like an impractical policy. When I settled my DC we were initially advised to stay with them for the first short visit. Then subsequently the visits got longer but I left earlier and earlier until I dropped and left. Tbh mine were fine and more than ready but I see no merit in a crying child being whisked off the parent. Stressful for both mother and child for what gain? A forceful adjustment to an institution?

I also know that some children are fine once mum leaves and stop crying and actually manage to enjoy themselves. However over the years I have also seen one or two that are in tears for weeks and I do believe that this is cruel if all they needed was softer settling in.

I do believe in rules but don't assume every school rule is a practical one with the child's best interest at heart! We have had to question various initiatives. For example children were messing about when going to the loo during lessons in pairs or more. Instead of dealing with that they introduced a blanket ban so NOT being allowed to go to the loo once the lesson had started. You guessed it, this resulted in a rather older child (yr 5) wetting himself in class in front of his friends. How humiliating! I told DS if he ever felt that desperate to go not to let that happen to him and to just run out of the class and I would deal with the consequences but under no circumstances was he to feel that his only option was to sit there and let it happen.

I accept there are and always will be cloakroom lurkers who need to get a life. The most important thing for a 4 yr old is appropriate support and if I felt mine needed me to go in with them that is what I would do and I would not care about anyone judging me because to me MY child IS the most important. How you deal with yours is your business.

What on earth are you talking about onemorechap?

I walk to school if that makes a difference miss judgey pants.

And I stood at the back of the hall with my dh and baby through the nativity so one of us could take him out if he woke up.

Don't be so presumptuous

I dont think age 4 is a suitable time to learn that rules MUST be followed. Age 4 is the perfect age to learn that mum/dad wont leave you if you need them and will break rules to look after you. It's a good rule for any age I think.

I agree with you OvO. I would too if I needed to. I remember the first day at school, being forced to walk down the path crying. It took a long long time to settle in properly. Though the school should really put something in place to make the transition easy.

Onemorechap, very unpleasant of you. Are you like this in real life or do you just save it for the anonymity of internet forums?

akaemmafrost Wed 12-Sep-12 12:05:43
What a nasty and spiteful post onemorechap.

Call it as you see it, no problems with that.

Which is all I did.
People that insist "I know my child best" are stating the obvious.

It's not what you know about your child that is in dispute. It's knowing how children in a group will interact best, and how to manage in a civilised society. [E.g I used to either walk kids to school [when they were older] or park a couple of minuets walk away rather than blocking the road]

Why not leave it to someone who is trained in how kids interact as a class? If only there were people trained for that.

Hang on...

Prarieflower Wed 12-Sep-12 12:06:07
I was a teacher too and have seen it on both sides,believe me SEN aside there is no reason for any parent to do this.

Sorted!

Noqontrol Wed 12-Sep-12 12:10:56
Onemorechap, very unpleasant of you.

Why? Someone humblebrags about how their child is different [nearly all of us are parents here, so no news there] and expects it to be acceptable?

Are you like this in real life or do you just save it for the anonymity of internet forums?

No, I'm far more dismissive, and less prone to wasting my time IRL.
E.g. park over the yellow hatching once, you'd get
"Move your car, you're blocking emergency service access."

Do it again, and I'd file a report - and delight in getting you ticketed/towed.

butthisismyname. I can't believe any class teacher would encourage the parents to come into the class and read their child a story as a way of settling them in in the mornings
Can you imagine the utter chaos if all the other parents did the same thing?
Why did you feel you needed to do that?

I think its parents of hard to settle children who follow school rules and leave their child in the more than capable care of the staff who are angry at the parents who decide that they are not going to follow the rule and go into school anyway who are angry.

I hated leaving my Daughter upset and she has had stints of being so upset she has almost vomited but as much as I wanted to I never hung about longer than neccassary after the first week or so of reception. I know from mye xperience of working in childcare that the vast majority of kids are fine five minutes after mum leaving wheras when the parent hangs around the child often becomes upset after they have gone anyway taking staff away from from a mostly settled class and prolonging the upset for the child. The staff have a whole class full of children to think about, not just one or two and they deal with this stuff every year so they know what they are doing.

Really though, why can't you settle your child in the playground? What is the difference between the playground and the entrance? You're going to have to say goodbye at some point so what difference does that extra five minutes make?

This thread makes me appreciate my DCs school. Their intake in reception is 90 pupils, so yes very busy. However, they are very accommodating and accept that drop offs will be different for each parent. DS1 would happily run into school, age 4, from day 1. I could kick him out of the car from when he was 7 and he nagged me if I didn't. He tried to convince me I didn't even need to take him to school and he could walk there himself.
DD was different and took a couple of weeks to settle, I would go into class with her, she would sort her stuff out and then sit down at her table for morning work. At that point she felt confident enough for me to leave. 2 weeks it took her to feel comfortable to do it on her own, but if it had taken a little longer then that would have been fine too. She is now Year3 and nags me aboout when she is allowed to walk to school on her own, helps any new children to settle in.

I can see both sides.

If I was Yellow I would be annoyed with myself for following the rules instead of making sure my child was ok and that would make me frustrated with parents like Boys who did what they needed to do.

If I was Boys I'd defend what I'd done because ultimately she did it to ensure her child was happy and that's worth breaking rules sometimes. Also of course Boys child is more important than Yellow's, to Boys because it's her child.

Oh well you have your opnion onemorechap, I have mine. I don't agree with you and think that forcing a distressed child into that situation without proper support in place can be very damaging.
You sound rather vindictive, where this has suddenly got into a ticketing / parking debate I have no idea

LOL, onemorechap you're really angry about the parking aren't you? Our Head threatened to the print license plates of offenders in the school newsletter. I wish she had gone through with it as it's a problem we've never eradicated.

Exactly Cloud 2 of my dc didn't like being left but I know from being a teacher(and a childminder) that kids are never upset for longer than 5 mins after mum has left and will have a fab time.I knew the faster I left the quicker they'd be fine,hanging around prolongs the inevitable and is cruel as well as selfish.

Have to say ime many parents who do this want to be wanted and get more out of hanging around than their child,sad but true in my experience.