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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have the rage at parents ignoring instructions for reception drop offs?

247 replies

YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 09:27

Ds2 started in reception last week. They did mornings last week and a few kids started each day, staggered by age. As he is one of the oldest he started on Friday. This week they stay till after lunch and we were advised today that in the mornings parents should now drop them off at the door and not come into the classroom anymore. So far so good and all totally reasonable.

Now I knew this morning would be tough. While generally confident and happy with school ds2 has always been a bit clingy at drop off even in his old nursery where he has been for years. Generally taking our time makes things a lot easier and then he is fine. I was totally happy with the fact that I couldn't do this anymore and had bigged him up about going in on his own like a big boy.

So we get there this morning and he's obviously wobbly and not wanting to go in. he repeatedly said that he wanted me to come in with him to which I replied 'i'm not allowed to come in anymore I'll stay here and wave but you need to go in on your own.' Eventually the teaching assistant had to lift him up and take him in which wasn't very nice for anyone, but again nothing unreasonable yet.

What gave me the rage was the 2 mums who went in breezily anyway to settle their kids, ignoring these instructions. What does this say to ds2? My mummy doesn't care enough to chine in but yours does? thanks for thinking you can do whatever the fuck you like, making it harder for all the other kids who are a bit wobbly and actually only prolonging the inevitable for your own. Grrrrrr!

OP posts:

Prarieflower · 12/09/2012 13:40

I doubt it Captain as they're judged by OFSTED re all this so have to make it work the best way it can for the good of all children. Schools differ because buildings differ.

FreudiansGoldSlipper · 12/09/2012 13:41

this may have been decided with the teacher and the parents or they may not want to share personal matter with the teacher

it is not so black and white and should not be they are so young. thankfully for me ds was fine and shall be starting at another school in the next few days i think once again he will be ok but if i felt he was not going to be i would do what was best for him. if it was an ongoing problem then we would need to try things another way but this is so early to be makign complaints like this

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 12/09/2012 13:41

As a genuine question and not wanting to get involved with any throwing of buns - those with more clingy dc-did you try and do anything about it in the months leading upto school ie leave them at creches, with other people etc etc?

I really dont like some of the terminology here, they are not being 'ripped' from parents, they are just going to school. I occasionally think that people see clingyness as a slight badge of honour - that their child is so attached to them that they just wont go to anyone else or be in a setting where the parent is absent.

Isnt it our job as parents to get them ready for school? We had to do lots and lots of work with dd who has SN to get her to a stage where she is happy doing all sorts of things that she wasnt before and so I know it isnt easy.

I think people do get arsey about these sorts of issues because they have spent time really trying with their own dc to combat this sort of thing and then it gets undermined by other people in the one setting where it really matters.

D0oinMeCleanin · 12/09/2012 13:41

The parent of the child who is struggling needs to go and talk to the school before deciding the rules are not there for them because they are a special case.

Prarieflower · 12/09/2012 13:43

And resources,staff numbers differ.

OvO · 12/09/2012 13:47

Be these parents have spoken to the school. Maybe they have the okay to go into the class but just haven't divulged this information to all and sundry so the other parents are all cats bum mouth over nothing.

OvO · 12/09/2012 13:48

Perhaps not be. Stupid fat fingers.

Vagaceratops · 12/09/2012 13:48

The parent of the child who is struggling needs to go and talk to the school before deciding the rules are not there for them because they are a special case.

I agree with this, its what we did and arranged something different for DS because he was really struggling.

putonyourredshoes · 12/09/2012 13:49

That is a good point YouBrokeMySmoulder (great name btw), there are lots of commonsense ways to make it less stressful for the children.

Managing it sensibly and being considerate to the other children and parents and there would be nothing to complain about.

D0oinMeCleanin · 12/09/2012 13:50

IME most schools arrange for the children who need extra support to go in slightly early/late or via a different door so that their needs are not undermining the needs of the other children.

Plus if parents see one mum go in, then a minority will automatically follow and before you know it that minority and has become the majority and chaos descends.

Floggingmolly · 12/09/2012 13:52

Wow some people on here really love their rules...
I view them more as guidelines to work towards
There's really no arguing with some people, is there?

Vagaceratops · 12/09/2012 13:53

Wow some people on here really love their rules...
I view them more as guidelines to work towards

You may not feel the same when your DC's are challenging your rules.

D0oinMeCleanin · 12/09/2012 13:54

I view my puppy not running up to and greeting strange children in a very excited manner as more of a guideline to be worked towards

Startailoforangeandgold · 12/09/2012 13:55

Rage at other parents ignoring the rules is pointless.

DCs spend 7 years at primary school and no doubt at some point in that time you too will have a good (In your opinion) reason to do it too.

putonyourredshoes · 12/09/2012 14:29

Sneering at people for following the school rules is pathetic. If you don't like them you should speak to the school about it, not just decide it's a pick and mix menu for your pleasure.

Kayano · 12/09/2012 14:36

Can people on this thread spot a Child with SEN and attachment issues a mile off then?

I was adopted and clingy to the point when they finally made me go to girl guide camp at 14 (yes 14!) I quit the next week

My mum would NEVER have divulged this to anyone (told me not to tell but I did ) as she was frightened I might be bullied or labelled as different. She took me in for a few days but had been bugging me up for school for a LONG time.

When the time can she took me in a while and within a few weeks all was fine and school was one of my best memories.

So I would say if the teacher isn't actually saying anything to the parents involved, why not assume they have gotten the ok privately and not get your knickers in a twist.

You do what you can for your children. I didn't realise that was so so shocking for many people.

Should my mother (who is v shy) have had to justify herself to you baying crowds? No way

Kayano · 12/09/2012 14:38

Incidently I had lots of sleepovers at my house, but would I hell go to my best friends. Or even my grandma or aunt!

(I am suitably well adjusted now though)

butisthismyname · 12/09/2012 14:41

butthisismyname. I can't believe any class teacher would encourage the parents to come into the class and read their child a story as a way of settling them in in the mornings
Can you imagine the utter chaos if all the other parents did the same thing?
Why did you feel you needed to do that?

I totally didn't want to and tried to avoid it, but that is how early years works at the school my children go to!

butisthismyname · 12/09/2012 14:41

All the parents did it!

brass · 12/09/2012 14:49

the fact that there are so many different ways of settling in at the different schools shows that there isn't one best way or that one is better than other.

Even more reason to be tolerant of small children and their mums finding their way during this time.

Raging about is completely OTT. Perhaps you feel guilty about how you handled it for your own DC?

ReshapeWhileDamp · 12/09/2012 15:02

I can sort of see both sides of this problem, and there'll never be a situation where everyone is happy, but my particular problem is the opposite - that our new school appears to have no guidelines (or at least, any that've been vouchsafed to me) so there are 15 parents, 15 small children and at least 7 younger siblings in the reception cloakrooms every morning, not to mention then in the reception classroom, milling about at the back of the room, waving. I'm trying not to be a major offender - whisking DS1 through his plimsol change and lunchbox distribution, then a quick kiss and hug and I'm off once he's sat down on the mat. And I put DS2 on my back so he's within my footprint - there are people ramming buggies down there, ffs, and it's getting silly.

What I feel awkward about is that I think DS1 could now cope alone - he's done over a week - but don't want to be the first parent to bugger off, and also, it seems like this is actually expected by the school.

Thank god they bring them round the side at hometime so we don't have to do it twice a day! Speaking of

GhouliaYelps · 12/09/2012 15:02

Wow at the schools that allow patents to stay and read a story!!!! DD Recep year went in by themselves from day 1 full time and I was thrilled with how she came on so confidently. This is in the independent system though.

butisthismyname · 12/09/2012 15:08

It was not my choice! I wanted to drop and run but they were very tut about that!

toomanydaisies · 12/09/2012 16:06

I STILL remember a girl whose mother not only came into school with her every morning but also took her to the loo. About 30 years later.

Nope, she didn't have sn. Nope, she had no problem going to the loo during the school day/ on trips etc. It was pure babying. Everyone wondered what on earth the matter was.

Unless there is a real pressing problem then let your children develop their independence! As others have said, get them used to being left, hanging up their coat etc. IMHO it's the responsibility of the parent to make sure that the child is fully prepared for school.

And, obvious comment alert, children will (often) take FULL advantage if you are not firm and consistent. Support your school. Do as they've asked. Or get Granny, a friend, someone else to drop your child off for a few days!

Bosgrove · 12/09/2012 16:45

If a school has an open door policy I can't see the problem of parents going in, however the school which the OP refers to doesn't have an open door policy therefore the parents should NOT go in.

Rules are there for a reason, no parents beyond a certain point might be a rule for safety, you might not agree with it, but it was your choice to send your child to that school.

No hitting is also a rule, no fighting, swearing, no running in the school building etc are also rules, if you think that that no parents doesn't apply to your family, I expect you would be happy for the other rules not to apply to other children in the school.

Or do you think that some rules should apply, but on others you know best, and then where do you draw the line.

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