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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry with this school gate dad?

182 replies

bionicmummy · 11/09/2012 13:14

Bit of background:

DD has recently started primary school. There are a several other kids whom she knows from nursery/playgroup/swimming.

DD doesn't have a 'special' friend, she plays with pretty much everyone, which is what we encourage.

Last week, when we dropped her off at school, a girl she knows from swimming (let's call her A) was standing at the gates with her dad. DD took the girl's hand and went to walk in with her.

The dad pulls back his DD and tells DD 'no, she's waiting for B (another girl)'. DD looked bewildered and hurt. At home time, she mentioned it again and said 'A didn't want to come in with me'

I was really angry on DD's behalf. This was really unkind and other mums heard and saw and commented on it.

Fast forward to today. B is off sick. A is crying at the gates refusing to go in without B. A's dad asks my DD if she will go in with A which she did.

WIBU to have said to the dad "oh now DD is good enough for your daughter? Last week she wasn't!"

I do not want my daughter to be 'used' whenever B isn't around.

Another mum who saw the original incident said I was dead right to make a point.

Oh and we bought the mum a gift for her new baby, so feel extra angry and hurt. Will likely see her at swimming and will be interested to know what she says.

DD is a very kind and sensitive little girl and like I said I encourage her to play with everyone. I could have held her back and said 'no' but I did not. I did speak to the dad though.

What are all your thoughts? Should I have shut up? Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 11/09/2012 13:17

So you actually said it?

Good.

YWNBU.

headinhands · 11/09/2012 13:19

Child A may have told chid B she would wait for her that morning. I think you're destined to spend the next few years falling out with people if you're going to take things so personally

FarrowAndBollock · 11/09/2012 13:19

You have a point. But, you have to deal with these people for the next 7 years, so I wouldn't let it get heated.

JeremyKylesPetProject · 11/09/2012 13:19

I don't know. Maybe B was promised that A would wait for her? Maybe the dad was making her stick to it. I keep an eye on dd1 and would hate for her to feel left out in anyway but kids that age are fickle. A bosom buddy this week, kicked to the kerb the week after...

valiumredhead · 11/09/2012 13:19

I think he was rude but don't give it anymore thought.

NutellaNutter · 11/09/2012 13:19

Good for you!

LemonBreeland · 11/09/2012 13:21

I certainly think it is important that you pointed out how rude he was being last week. He is not doing his DD any favours with behaiour like that.

headinhands · 11/09/2012 13:21

So because you bought child A's mum a gift, her dc has to do what your dc want? Sounds like you buy people things just to suck up to them.

PerryCombover · 11/09/2012 13:21

Good enough?
Used?
Wonder about the choice of those words and how careful I'd be using them surrounding this situation

I think you have read far too much into this.
For all you know the dad could have been instructed to wait for the other child and that is why he said no to your daughter

You can't ever know all the facts in a situation you can only deal with how you react and move forward.
Your girl sounds lovely, carry on as you are doing

headinhands · 11/09/2012 13:22

You actually spoke to him about it?!?!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 11/09/2012 13:23

Maybe the dad was waiting for the other child as a favour, on days when I work I sometimes as for a friend to wait at the gate so I can drop and run IYSWIM. I think you are being OTT.

Ingles2 · 11/09/2012 13:23

I think you're probably over reacting... you've got no idea what the background to this is.. it could be B would be in tears if A had gone in without her, or A was in tears without B on another day, so dad didn't want to risk upset....
It's all new for reception children, so taking it personally is probably a bit daft and makes you look slightly unhinged.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 11/09/2012 13:23

Well he could have been nicer about it but maybe A and B had arranged to meet and go in together.

You are going to have a LOT of fallings out with people if you are going to carry on being quite so sensitive about your DD - playground politics is a strange thing and best left to the kids really!

Bucharest · 11/09/2012 13:23

Well done.

Obviously the other little girl shouldn't be made to feel bad (and was'nt) but her dick of a dad needed to be told. And was.

sue52 · 11/09/2012 13:23

You are going to at that gate for years to come. I would not fall out over something so petty. The other little girl may well have pre arranged to walk in with B and the Dad did not want to let B down. YABslightlyU.

Devora · 11/09/2012 13:24

I think he handled it poorly. He should have explained to your dd, kindly, that they had promised B they would wait for her.

I think you should have not built it up into An Incident in front of your dd.

So YANBU but his crime was the rudeness, not the arrangement.

pictish · 11/09/2012 13:24

Um...if the arrangement was to wait for B - then child A should, of course, wait for B.

Crikey - what's your problem missus?

chipsandbeans · 11/09/2012 13:25

ooh I have been here and really to be honest you are best keeping your mouth shut, I have fallen out with parents over silly things that the kids have then forgotten all about but the bad feeling between the adults can linger. As long as your child is being nice & friendly you need to try to keep your nose out, trust me for learning the hard way and then spending a few years making up for it!!

sugarice · 11/09/2012 13:26

He could have been kinder in the way he said it eg 'we're just waiting for B at the moment, A will see you inside in a minute' and said with a smile.

At least he's aware of how he came across.

ZiaMaria · 11/09/2012 13:26

YANBU. Her dad needed to be told that his attitude was unacceptable. Even if A and B had agreed to go in together the last time, he could easily have explained that and your DD could have waited for B also and they could all have gone in together. Instead he acted like your daughter was a leper and upset her.

diddl · 11/09/2012 13:26

I can understand why you said what you did.

I think the dad handled it badly-he could have asked your daughter if she wanted to wait for B also.

Is he new to drop off & his wife has told him than on all accounts b must be waited for so that A&B go in together & that´s all he was thinking of?

Is A struggling to adjust to new baby & that´s why such a big deal has been made?

CatPower · 11/09/2012 13:26

Jeezo, I'd hate to see how you'd react if something, y'know, BAD happened to your precious snowflake DD. The dad could have had a multitude of reasons why his daughter had to wait for someone else - build a bridge and get over it.

cees · 11/09/2012 13:26

What did the Dad say when you pulled him on it????

EugenesAxe · 11/09/2012 13:28

I agree it's possible there was a pre-arrangement to meet B, but even so he could have handled it better. If it had been me I would have called both girls back and said to your DD 'A said she'd wait for B today, so would you wait too and then you can all go in together?'

I agree with everyone else though that you will probably encounter worse and should learn to let things like this go to a degree.

headinhands · 11/09/2012 13:29

Your friend probably agreed with you because it's mostly polite to agree with our friends even when we think they're wrong. If i had seen that incident I would be marking you as 'one to avoid'. Sorry op but you sound like hard work.

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