to be angry with this school gate dad?

[bionicmummy]

Bit of background:

DD has recently started primary school. There are a several other kids whom she knows from nursery/playgroup/swimming.

DD doesn't have a 'special' friend, she plays with pretty much everyone, which is what we encourage.

Last week, when we dropped her off at school, a girl she knows from swimming (let's call her A) was standing at the gates with her dad. DD took the girl's hand and went to walk in with her.

The dad pulls back his DD and tells DD 'no, she's waiting for B (another girl)'. DD looked bewildered and hurt. At home time, she mentioned it again and said 'A didn't want to come in with me'

I was really angry on DD's behalf. This was really unkind and other mums heard and saw and commented on it.

Fast forward to today. B is off sick. A is crying at the gates refusing to go in without B. A's dad asks my DD if she will go in with A which she did.

WIBU to have said to the dad "oh now DD is good enough for your daughter? Last week she wasn't!"

I do not want my daughter to be 'used' whenever B isn't around.

Another mum who saw the original incident said I was dead right to make a point.

Oh and we bought the mum a gift for her new baby, so feel extra angry and hurt. Will likely see her at swimming and will be interested to know what she says.

DD is a very kind and sensitive little girl and like I said I encourage her to play with everyone. I could have held her back and said 'no' but I did not. I did speak to the dad though.

What are all your thoughts? Should I have shut up? Am I over reacting?

Oh your life must be very difficult.

But OP's daughter hasn't endured weeks of crap and nastiness.

OP's daughter hasn't endured anything bad at all except the entirely fictitious push OP suddenly remembered the dad giving her halfway through the thread.

The dad didnt handle the original incidrnt very well but think youve read too much into it.

I wonder if the dad didn't mean any harm but just handled the situation in a less than tactful/thoughtful way as many men would do?

I'm afraid I do think you've over-reacted, OP. Was your DD bothered about the incident?

You need to seriously chill out. The both of you.

I'm wondering how you are going to react when your child is 10 and having massive Barneys with her friends, not being invited to all parties or sleepovers
, and then making friends with them the next week?
Trust me it is a pita, but you need to step back.

Im not keen on parents encouraging cliques & 'monogamous' friendships in 4 year olds. I find it a bit claustrphobic and creepy. Good for you. At dds school i hear a lot about how a & b have been friends since they were 2 weeks old & how they're going to get married when they're grown up. Theyre 6 ffs!

What I find off is thinking that the giving of a gift entitles you to some sort of particular treatment or privilege. No it doesn't. And neither do children who get invited to your dc's party have to invite your dc.

Time for one of these oy finks

Nice bups

I am rather perplexed.

You were present for this incident and have amassed enough detailed knowledge about the ins and outs of reception friendships to fill some kind of primary school social etiquette guide.

And yet you entirely failed to notice this grown man push your small child.

And then, having had to be told about this act of agression from some other people who were presumably further away than you when it took place, instead of confronting this man about his assault on your child, or reporting him to the head teacher with a view to having him banned from the school premises, you instead waited until an opportunity arose and then produced a snippy little remark more worthy of the children themselves.

And you still hope that this agressive man will encourage a friendship between your child and his.

Either you are quite bonkers or, and I don't think it will come as any surprise to learn that I think this is the more likely option, you are making all or part of this incident up.

I don't think that OP will come back.

I think I'd feel for my DC if his happened and I can see why bionicmummy something to the dad.
Maybe it's not the end of the world, and maybe every difficulty might not require parental intervention but I think there's some meanness in some of the responses that is uncalled for, such as the references to "precious snowflake.." and "pfb". These are just unpleasant things to write. Surely it's possible to disagree with someone's point without resorting to unkind comments about their DC.
FWIW my DC most certainly is my pfb; Quite the most precious thing in my life.

Hahahahahah

What a brilliant fairytale thread.

And to think I missed all the marvels of the School-Gate Mafia because I just used to shove mine into the playground and leg it.
It never occurred to me to take such an intense interest in the machinations of who waited for who (or should it be whom?) at the school gate.
I also didn't give a hoot who was playing with who as long as mine had some friends and didn't get into trouble/get bullied.
And as they got older I told them to sort their own arguments out. At four, if they complained or cried about a friend, I would just explain that sometimes friends argued and they should play with lots of people.

I feel deprived at the lack of playground drama I experienced. 'Snot fair

I'm also dubious about the sudden reference to pushing which you didn't actually see, despite being able to see the dad pull his child.

OP, there are going to be about 2000 such instances before your DD leaves school involving girls being friends with A, B, C, D...B not liking, D, A only wanting to play with C when D is not in school, ect, ect.

Mostly it's the girls, but it will be the parents too.

All you can do is play fair yourself and accept it. I've seen more than one incident of mothers screaming at each other at the school gates over girls friendships.

Be angry if you like, but you might find yourself feeling very angry and hurt over the next few years.

Yes, the Dad was thoughtless and rude, but no ones perfect and we all have to rub along together.

The Dad was tactless I kinda like that you called him on it. He should have said, we are waiting to B and offered for your Dd to wait with them and let all 3 girls go in together. He needs to learn to be a gentler maybe. Other than that I'd drop it all and move on. So long as the kids are getting on OK.

I don't know. In the short two years my dd has been at school she has been hit over the head with a piece of wood, shouted at, her hood ripped away from her coat and had several blazing rows with one girl - all dc of friends of mine. All of which I have had to politely get over in order to survive the horror that is the playground. Oh yes, and her absolute best friend from nursery has devastated her two years running by not inviting her to his party. Yet still, I must smile at his mother and make pleasantries.

This is a minor offence in the grand scheme of things and really not worth bothering about. Largely because you have to see those parents twice a day, every day for the next 6 years.

This is a major perk of being a FT WOHM.

You are over reacting! Calm down and grow up.

It would have been nicer of you to say ''that's great, my DD will be really happy to go in with A''. Encouragement and modeling the correct behavior is always preferable to childishness.

OP has disappeared ........

Oh dear god.. Your dd has been at school how long? A week?

For your own sanity you need to just let this go, or your dd will certainly not have any friends due to the fact her mum is
perceived as a total loon!
You will find that most reception play dates happen with mums in attendance, so you need to also come across as an easygoing person yourself in order for this to happen... Life is too short to spend after school time with a mum as uptight as you came across, sorry.

Long time since I've seen or heard a chinny reckon... thanks. Told my 8 year old this morning that he must start strocking his chin as many times a day as possible from now on. He's in trouble if he doesn't.

We soooooo NEED an itchy chin smiley!

Oh my God this thread is hilarious!
OP I find women like you fascinating.
As you were.