to be angry with this school gate dad?

[bionicmummy]

Bit of background:

DD has recently started primary school. There are a several other kids whom she knows from nursery/playgroup/swimming.

DD doesn't have a 'special' friend, she plays with pretty much everyone, which is what we encourage.

Last week, when we dropped her off at school, a girl she knows from swimming (let's call her A) was standing at the gates with her dad. DD took the girl's hand and went to walk in with her.

The dad pulls back his DD and tells DD 'no, she's waiting for B (another girl)'. DD looked bewildered and hurt. At home time, she mentioned it again and said 'A didn't want to come in with me'

I was really angry on DD's behalf. This was really unkind and other mums heard and saw and commented on it.

Fast forward to today. B is off sick. A is crying at the gates refusing to go in without B. A's dad asks my DD if she will go in with A which she did.

WIBU to have said to the dad "oh now DD is good enough for your daughter? Last week she wasn't!"

I do not want my daughter to be 'used' whenever B isn't around.

Another mum who saw the original incident said I was dead right to make a point.

Oh and we bought the mum a gift for her new baby, so feel extra angry and hurt. Will likely see her at swimming and will be interested to know what she says.

DD is a very kind and sensitive little girl and like I said I encourage her to play with everyone. I could have held her back and said 'no' but I did not. I did speak to the dad though.

What are all your thoughts? Should I have shut up? Am I over reacting?

you forgot to mention he pushed your child yet wrote extensively about who waits for who and how unfair it is?

wow, priorities much?

I agree, headinhands. I really struggled with friendships throughout primary school and it KILLS me that I can't charge in and sort all this out for my dd. She keeps asking me to ring the other mums and tell them to stop their kids being so mean, and part of me really wants to, but it's not going to make them want to play with her, is it?

The trapdoor effect is lovely way to phrase it. So, OP, even though I think you're going a bit beserk with this, I do get how you feel. Step away from the keyboard and all of us slagging you off, go have a cup of tea and take a few deep breaths. If you want to come back for a sensible discussion on primary school friendships and how they affect our dc and us, the long-suffering mothers, then I'm your woman

I think you have over reacted.

Yes, dad has been awkward (he could have said "A has to wait for B, why don't you all go in together?").

But honestly, this is all very childish.

And tell your dh not to be a dick. If he's going to do pull out the Terminator effect for the tiniest slight, what on earth is he going to do when your dd gets in a playground scrap, or gets dumped by her first boyfriend, or sacked from her first job?

If he wants to ensure your dd never, ever gets invited to play at anyone's house, that would be a good way to do it.

Chinny reckon!! that's a blast from the past bups!

If he really did push your DD I cant imagine why you didnt speak out at the time.....

Very strange!! I would have thought that would have been the first thing you would have said on this thread.

Smells a bit fishy to me

Is this your first child off to school?

It's like an episode of gates

So you saw him pull his DD but not push your DD?

It's only the second week in to term and the children are only 4 so how can your child already have a rep as a filler?

I think you have just sealed your DD's fate by acting like a loon. If I had witnessed your hysterical reaction I would have made a mental note to avoid you like the plague.

and the pushing? really?

You will read this thread back and either wince, or laugh at yourself, in a year or so, OP.

I love that op goes to the lengths of telling of her Columbo detective work on the social lives of 4 yos on Fb yet misses out that a man pushed her dd.

I raise your chinny reckon with a 'pass the beard'

I raise your 'pass the beard' with a 'Jimmy Hill'

it would be quite difficult to push one child while pulling another, bit like rubbing your head and tummy in different directions

I've done it many times, brass. But only to my own dc

Really. You have completely over reacted. It's so trivial I wouldn't have given it a 2nd thought, let alone made a snippy remark about it.

You and your DD are both going to have to grow much thicker skins if either of you is going to survive!!

I'm going to try it when DC get home Devora, they like experiments.

And now I've read back and see you've embroidered the story a bit so we'll agree with you

Surely a man shoving your child is the only outrageous bit of this story - and the only bit worth getting het up about. And yet you ommitted to mention it at all in the first post

Yeah. Right!

You have another 12 years of school runs. If you carry on like this you will need to go into hiding.

This dad probably thinks you are completely barking. Is it likely he guided your dd with his hand on her back or did he actually push her violently?

You will learn that you cannot run your dd's friendships for her and she will hopefully learn not to over-react when a friend simply cannot walk into school with her.

Also bear in mind that some mums at the school gates love a drama and will be only too happy to encourage you to fall out with others.

Your dh also needs to learn to calm down.

OP by the time your DD leaves this school you will both have racked up a catalogue of various petty injustices.

It's better to start teaching her (and yourself!) how to deal them in perspective than getting wounded and rearing up. You will have an utterly miserable time otherwise.

I raise your jimmy hill with a tutankahmun chinny bifta mwahahaha

" Should I have shut up? Am I over reacting? "

Yes.

As several have pointed out, there were alternative explanations for the dad's actions and you should think through situations before responding as you did.

The Dad sounds like a bit of an arse and could have been nicer about it tbh, but YAB a tiny bit U - sorry.

It's good for kids to get the occasional knock back etc and it's not as if DD's friend was being totally vile and her dad was just standing there watching. Tbh things like this aren't the end of the world and they teach kids that things don't always go their way.

Also, is it really worth falling potentially falling out with another family over something this small?

Shit, can't write today.. sorry.

Elbows proud off her soap box and gives her a soothing hand on the forehead..

Jumps up, I hate pecking orders in the bloody play ground where the new kid doesnt get a look in, I had a father threaten my son who was only 8 at the time, because my son kicked his son in the goolies shall we say. My son had endured weeks of crap and general nastyness off this kid who constantly was trying to kick my son there too.

he thought it was a good idea to do it on the quiet whilst I was in with the teacher, my son only told me on the way home because he knew I would go mad, I sent his grandad in the next day, his father couldnt look me in the eyes after that.

You and your DH going to be labelled as the nightmare parents to be avoided if you keep up this frankly mental behaviour.

Let your precious snowflake of a pfb make her own friends and fight her own battles, otherwise she is going to have a looooong seven years ahead of her. You are doing her no favours.