to be angry with this school gate dad?

[bionicmummy]

Bit of background:

DD has recently started primary school. There are a several other kids whom she knows from nursery/playgroup/swimming.

DD doesn't have a 'special' friend, she plays with pretty much everyone, which is what we encourage.

Last week, when we dropped her off at school, a girl she knows from swimming (let's call her A) was standing at the gates with her dad. DD took the girl's hand and went to walk in with her.

The dad pulls back his DD and tells DD 'no, she's waiting for B (another girl)'. DD looked bewildered and hurt. At home time, she mentioned it again and said 'A didn't want to come in with me'

I was really angry on DD's behalf. This was really unkind and other mums heard and saw and commented on it.

Fast forward to today. B is off sick. A is crying at the gates refusing to go in without B. A's dad asks my DD if she will go in with A which she did.

WIBU to have said to the dad "oh now DD is good enough for your daughter? Last week she wasn't!"

I do not want my daughter to be 'used' whenever B isn't around.

Another mum who saw the original incident said I was dead right to make a point.

Oh and we bought the mum a gift for her new baby, so feel extra angry and hurt. Will likely see her at swimming and will be interested to know what she says.

DD is a very kind and sensitive little girl and like I said I encourage her to play with everyone. I could have held her back and said 'no' but I did not. I did speak to the dad though.

What are all your thoughts? Should I have shut up? Am I over reacting?

I'm perplexed as to why parents plus child are loitering around school gates waiting to go into class together with another child...wth is this? Surely when you get to school, you go straight into the classroom. School is not a bloody social event. Idiots.

yes I can see why you might all be sceptical but events did happen as I have described. I'm not adding the pushing bit to boost my case or anything. It did happen. I don't know what kind of pushing it was because I did not actually see the pushing part, other mums told me about it.

My DH wanted to go down to the gates and confront him but I convinced him not to. The reason I have not spoken to him sooner is because my DM did all the drop offs/pick ups until today. Today was my first chance.

Anyway, thank you all for your responses.

You'll have a stroke by the time your DD goes up to senior school if you carry on trying to be the Playground Friendship Police.

Of course no adult should push a child but I find it hard to believe that happened. So you gave him a rude sarky comeback a week later but said nothing when he pushed your 4 year old at the time?

Yeah OK...

So you were stood right there but you didn't see him push your child.

he could have spoken to your dd more nicely and suggested she also wait with b, or said they will see you in class.

but come on, how bloody childish are you?! and you can bet the parents may have agreed with you, they can see that they dont want to get you 'offside' and willl now know to be wary of you!

If he'd pushed my daughter I'd have flattened him.

Nope.

JEEZ you and your DH sound barking!!! He wanted to go and have a pop at this other dad

Hang on, how did other mums see it but you didn't? How do you know what happened at all? If you weren't close enough to see your 4 year old be pushed, how do you know what was even said?

I don't know what kind of pushing it was because I did not actually see the pushing part

I never knew there were different types of pushing .

To quote that ancient chinese wisdom
"when in a hole .... stop digging"

My chin is really itching and I stuck up for you two pages ago!

We all get it wrong sometimes Bups

He PUSHED your dd? And you didn't say anything at the time?

Did you actually see the incident - because how do you know what he said to your daughter but not see him push her?

I can't keep up with this thread! So now your dh is threatening to go and sort him out...

This thread is turning into AIBU parody

Thing is op we've all known a mum who has been this involved and sensitive about her dc's friendships. I knew one. I liked her a lot but she was incredibly hard work as you could see how she analysed all the interactions going on around her.

You need to step away from your dd's friendships. Someone on MN once explained it as 'the trapdoor effect'. We see our pfb having their feelings hurt and are instantaneously 5 years old again and desperately want to shield our kids. Only we can't. We need to model resilience and an easy going attitude if we are to help them. Wading in with a sense of entitlement is really not going to help her.

The sad thing is OP, if you carry on like this, your DD is never going to get invited on any playdates ever. If I saw a mum behaving like this, I would make a note that she was one to be avoided, as if my DD did become friends with yours, I'd be concerned that you would be an interfering pushy nightmare.

There was one like this in my eldest DS' class. By the time her 2 DC's left primary school she had fallen out with/not speaking to/alienated every other parent in her DC's classes.

There are some proper nut jobs on mumsnet this week!

including myself obv

Oh dear, "he pushed my dd' "I didn't see it" "dh wanted to go sort him ahhhhht"

Op, ywbu, deal with it and move on and fgs stop over egging it, your nose is gonna snap off at this rate!

Oh right, so you didn't see the actual incident?

These kind of 'outraged of mumsnet' threads are always full of exaggerations and bollocks.

There is always a school mum/dad/eldery lady in supermarket branding OP's child 'a disgusting little wretch' or elbowing their innocent toddler out the way.