to be angry with this school gate dad?

[bionicmummy]

Bit of background:

DD has recently started primary school. There are a several other kids whom she knows from nursery/playgroup/swimming.

DD doesn't have a 'special' friend, she plays with pretty much everyone, which is what we encourage.

Last week, when we dropped her off at school, a girl she knows from swimming (let's call her A) was standing at the gates with her dad. DD took the girl's hand and went to walk in with her.

The dad pulls back his DD and tells DD 'no, she's waiting for B (another girl)'. DD looked bewildered and hurt. At home time, she mentioned it again and said 'A didn't want to come in with me'

I was really angry on DD's behalf. This was really unkind and other mums heard and saw and commented on it.

Fast forward to today. B is off sick. A is crying at the gates refusing to go in without B. A's dad asks my DD if she will go in with A which she did.

WIBU to have said to the dad "oh now DD is good enough for your daughter? Last week she wasn't!"

I do not want my daughter to be 'used' whenever B isn't around.

Another mum who saw the original incident said I was dead right to make a point.

Oh and we bought the mum a gift for her new baby, so feel extra angry and hurt. Will likely see her at swimming and will be interested to know what she says.

DD is a very kind and sensitive little girl and like I said I encourage her to play with everyone. I could have held her back and said 'no' but I did not. I did speak to the dad though.

What are all your thoughts? Should I have shut up? Am I over reacting?

YABU

Maybe the dad was waiting for child B's mum and wanted to do more than hold her hand. If u know what i mean

Dad, Child B's Mum and OP could have had a threesome if she'd played her cards right, ha ha, only kidding

Op I can identify with you. I've had a horrible summer of seeing little boy being left out of things and me mentioning it to other mums. I know t's absolutely crazy behaviour (connected to pnd and unhappy childhood due to bullying) but it's all down to my anxietys. I am lucky that my husband is balanced and tells me off when I'm being daft. I think you may have a lot of unresolved feelings from being younger? (were you a filler) maybe you need help to manage these anxietys as they can be debilitating.

I think you really need to stop reading so much into things and also realise that other peoples lives don't revolve around your dd.

The trouble is if you are going to be like that then you also have to see that you'd very likely have been upset if the opposite had happened but you were mother of child B. Instead we'd be reading child A promised to meet my lovely sensitive DD at gates but abandoned her to go in with child B who get there first and she's so hurt. I think perhaps the dad could have put it more delicately but there is nothing wrong with teaching your child that you honour a commitment. You need a thicker skin if you're going to manage school.

I wouldn't get too much into playground politics and friendships. But, he is a twat and should be told so. If he is so pathetic and has such a little life he lives through his small child's friendships you will have plenty of opportunities to be the bigger person in the next school year. I hate pushy dads, there is something a bit weirdy about them.

I don't think the Dad was a twat. I think he explained his daughter couldn't go into school with OP's daughter because she was waiting for her friend. I think that's fair enough. OP could have suggested her DD wait with her. She didn't think of it. Nor did he. Why does that make him the bad guy?