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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pictures of children on Facebook?

223 replies

HappyHippie · 26/08/2012 10:47

This is very upsetting. DD (5) spent the whole day with my sister yesterday, and this morning she posted a picture of her on Facebook. I asked my sister to remove it and she said she's done so, but she unfriended me as well. AIBU? :(

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 27/08/2012 01:06

Look, no matter what someone does with a photograph, it's just a photograph. Someone on the other side of the world wanking at a picture of you or your DC, when they don't know you or know any way of getting in touch with you does you no harm whatsoever.

Socknickingpixie: WHat happened to you sounds awful, though. And I think a good lawyer could at least have got you some compensation and/or punished the people who used your family photo like that as it might have been covered under libel/defamation law - implying that the people in the photograph endorsed a controversial organisation when they do not and never have done. I remember some discussion about this elsewhere a couple of years ago, when a controversial organisation used some photographs of entertainers performing, therefore implying that the entertainers supported the organisation, which they didn't, and I think the organisation got its arse kicked.

NovackNGood · 27/08/2012 01:12

Those who ask for no photograph of their children to be taken do they act like Michael Jackson did out in public and put linens over their head?

If yo use facebook you have agreed to give up your privacy and embraced the sewer of the net so live with it or get off it but don't go around being whiny about someone ´unfriending´ you like a child in nursery,

ifancyashandy · 27/08/2012 08:58

Why do childfree people come on MN?

Currently on AIBU, there are threads on:

Buying a bike
Spiders
Helping a depressed dad
The contraceptive pill
Dangerous sports
Throwing cream on someones windscreen
Pretending to be out and
Whether to introduce yourself with your name or nickname...

And that's before you get to Chat, S & B, Feminism, Relationships or Telly Addicts.

And also because the internet doesn't have a 'Halt, who goes there' policy...

IceCubes · 27/08/2012 09:04

Novack - I have a friend (well, colleague) who covers her baby completely in a Jackson-esque fashion because she doesn't want people 'looking' at PFB without 'express permission.' Hundreds of pics of the baby on FB though...

OP YANBU and your DSis has overreacted. I'm sure she'll calm down.

OneMoreChap · 27/08/2012 09:08

PFB? Perfect first baby?

IceCubes · 27/08/2012 09:20

Perfect/precious first baby Smile

dawntigga · 27/08/2012 09:24

What is wrong with a picture of your child on FB? Unless you are in witness protection of hiding from an abusive spouse?

ReallyWhatIsTheProblemTiggaxx

ShutTheFrontDoor · 27/08/2012 09:39

Coola over reaction - much ? Your poor mil, fb is a great way of keeping in touch with people you don't see regularly.

I agree with solid so some paedo looks at the photo of your ds, so what ?

I think some people like to create problems where there aren't any.

fragola · 27/08/2012 10:02

Coola, if you have "tag review" turned on, you have to approve tags that other people put on your photos before they appear.

Nanny0gg · 27/08/2012 10:08

Okay, now that I have the hideous Timeline, (whether I want to or not) I can't work my way around it easily.

Where are the privacy settings now?

AvonCallingBarksdale · 27/08/2012 10:19

For heaven's sake, OP! You do realise now that, if your sister was so inclined, she could put up loads of photos of your DD with no privacy settings and you would never know? Also, someone, if they were so inclined, may have already photographed your DD on the street/in the park/wherever, and you would never know? Unless she goes round with a paper bag over her head, her face is there for anyone to see Hmm Your sister should have asked before posting DDs photo, but your reaction is was OTT, I'm afraid.

PenisVanLesbian · 27/08/2012 10:26

Coola, you could have just learned how to use FB properly yourself its easy to set so no-one can tag or share your pictures. Your poor MIL, you are very cruel.

PooPooOnMars · 27/08/2012 11:27

Coola. I agree that was a massive overreaction. It shocked me actually.

Socknickingpixie · 27/08/2012 13:22

coola i would have done the same as you.

ravenAK · 27/08/2012 19:58

Yes, but lots of people don't know how to use FB properly (& to be fair, they do keep changing things). Hence understandable over-reaction & hysteria.

I think if Coola had uploaded the photos in the first place, she had every bloody right to delete them whenever she chose. Presumably they aren't irrevocably lost forever & she can always give them to her MIL on a disc, or as prints if she still doesn't trust her.

jewelledsky · 27/08/2012 20:16

Coola had every right to do that and I would have done the same. She is not cruel - she is protecting her child. Once an image is on the internet, it is on the internet forever. MIL can have prints from Tesco. And think herself lucky she does so.

minikimmi · 27/08/2012 20:30

I agree that what Coola wants to do with her images of her daughter on her Facebook page, that's ENTIRELY her choice. I still stand by Facebook being a modern scourge of society.

PooPooOnMars · 28/08/2012 08:18

Mini. Would love to know what you wrote that got deleted Grin

minikimmi · 28/08/2012 16:40

All I did was call someone a moron. Sheesh.

OneMoreChap · 28/08/2012 16:52

Why would you be surprised minikimmi ?www.mumsnet.com/info/netiquette
No personal attacks.

PooPooOnMars · 28/08/2012 17:01

That was aimed at me i imagine Grin

CoolaSchmoola · 29/08/2012 23:58

Cruel? You CLEARLY don't know my MIL.

She is a control freak. I had had the sheer audacity (in her head) to ask her not to do something..... so she did it to make a point. She's done it before with other things many times over the years - she likes to try to undermine me and I like to make sure she knows I won't stand for it when she does.

My photos were locked down to close friends only. I knew about tag review - had it on other photos - but had specifically asked, and got agreement from, all those in my close friends list NOT to tag or share pictures of my DD - that was the condition on which I put them on there. MIL was in that list. Call me stupid for trusting my MIL to actually do as I asked, but don't call me cruel. I honestly believed this would be something she would understand, and wouldn't use to make a point. She made a choice knowing EXACTLY how I felt about it, I reacted in the way I said I would. I also very politely explained to her why I was deleting them.

I don't regret deleting the photos from FB - and I'm not evil, I do send her prints and emails on the understanding that she doesn't scan them onto FB. I think she has got the point now because so far she hasn't.

And whilst everyone is saying how cruel I am - please bear in mind this is a woman who NEVER phones us, has visited US once in 8 years - yet whom I always go see at least once a week every time I'm in the UK (which is usually every couple of months) so she can see DD - and who has the opportunity to Skype with my DD and doesn't. Plus when she does see her she could take her own photos....and again, doesn't.

I don't think it's cruel to want to maintain control over who sees my personal photos of my child. And I wonder just how many of you would be up in arms if your MIL ignored your wishes over anything to do with your children - because this is the same thing.

BadLad · 30/08/2012 05:25

*OK, I only ever lurk on here, but I gotta ask - why do childless people sign up to Mumsnet?

Feel free to flame me...*

I surfed in here while looking for something else, found the discussions quite interesting and stayed.

Not all of them all parenting-related. Some of the topics are relevant to people without kids too.

I don't live in the UK, and part of my job is keeping up to date with what is happening in the UK. So as well as reading a variety of news sources, I read discussion forums, and the more varied the better.

Ever so often I feel liking piping up and having my say on a thread in such forums.

Does that answer your question?

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