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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pictures of children on Facebook?

223 replies

HappyHippie · 26/08/2012 10:47

This is very upsetting. DD (5) spent the whole day with my sister yesterday, and this morning she posted a picture of her on Facebook. I asked my sister to remove it and she said she's done so, but she unfriended me as well. AIBU? :(

OP posts:
ifiwasarichwoman · 26/08/2012 16:51

tatty given that you are trying to inflict your issues onto other peoples children, I guess thats not such a bad idea.

PenisVanLesbian · 26/08/2012 17:06

kimmi a) its not a bh weekend for lots of us, and b) don't you? Hmm

Empusa · 26/08/2012 17:11

"Well this has went a bit off topic...don't any of you have anything better to do on a Bank Holiday Sunday?"

Like you I presume?

Tattyhead78 · 26/08/2012 17:56

given that you are trying to inflict your issues onto other peoples children

I'm not sure how I am trying to inflict "my issues" onto anyone's children. I don't hang out with any children, so it would be pretty difficult for me to inflict anything onto them. Some of my friends have children but I don't see them since I don't have time to socialise.

Socknickingpixie · 26/08/2012 18:09

empusa that first line was only included to highlight that the owner of the image and the subject had apsolutly no idea the pic was used. it was a private family photo taken in a private family home,that another person decided to just use not only without consent but with out notification.i was not in any way blaiming the tog just the person who swiped the photo and the group that used it.

the risk i refer to that the tog takes is nothing to do with the original paragraph and was solely related to street photography. and i was meaning some people may feel so angry about a picture of themselves or a dc being taken that the tog is at risk. just because people shouldnt bash people round the head befor smashing the camera up dosnt mean they wont. many many people feel very strongly about this. loads of advice/info sites for togs make this very clear and say you should be mindful of certain things and certain suituations.

honeytea · 26/08/2012 18:24

Tatty you sound a little bonkers, you don't have children, you don't know any children and don't have time to socialise but you do have time to come on here and tell people who do have children that those children shouldn't be naked as it might make you feel uncomfortable.

honeytea · 26/08/2012 18:28

socknickingpixi that is shocking! I think that in the last 18 years people have become alot more aware of the legalities of things.

I would question how the organisation that used your image got a copy of it, in those days they would have had to have physically had a negative. If the photographer didn't give them the negative then someone must have broken in and stolen the negative. I think unfortunatly it is likely that the photographer sold your image and then denied it.

Socknickingpixie · 26/08/2012 18:36

the person who swiped it was a friend (now exfriend) of my mothers who was being shown some photos (a look how lovely my dear first gc is type of thing) when my mum was making a pot of tea the photo disapeared mum thought it was just mislayed untill we saw the poster. we later found out this 'friend' was very involved with the group.

it was horrible.

honeytea · 26/08/2012 18:43

That is theft, the person who took them had no right to them, what a nasty thing to do! Did you go to the police?

Socknickingpixie · 26/08/2012 18:54

the police at the time said it was a item of no value and as it had been returned at a later time i hadnt been perminantly deprived apparently that means no theft.

the people who attacked me and threw paint over my car were delt with by police very well as far as im concerned

ifiwasarichwoman · 26/08/2012 19:11

socks that's dreadful

tatty you are on a parenting website for parents - telling us (and swearing at us when we don't agree with you) - how we should parent our children and insulting us when we don't go along with your twisted views of the world.

Ergo - you are trying to inflict your issues on other peoples children.

It's hardly rocket science to figure that one out.

NotGeoffVader · 26/08/2012 19:12

tatty - it didn't break any rules per se. I was invited to it by a friend but declined to join.
I wasn't offended, I was surprised at the way some people chose to photograph themselves. Let's just say some of them would be hard to id in a line up if they had their clothes on!

With regard to the comments about privacy etc., I do post pictures of my child on FB but I do not tag her in any. I do not post any information about my current working situation, about my work history, or put my home town or telephone number on there. In fact, I don't even have my own proper name on there.
I have friends who are people I genuinely know, and friends who are mere acquaintances. I don't post pictures that I don't mind people seeing. If I have encountered a problem with anyone I have deleted them.
My privacy settings are set so that friends only can view things. However, I did notice that if I tagged someone in a photograph, their friends can see that too. So in future I won't do that.

I also use twitter. Again, I have very little personal information on there and seldom post photographs.

Understand people's right to privacy but given that it is legitimate for people to photograph others in the street, there is a limit on what is feasible.

Wowserz129 · 26/08/2012 19:47

I do not see what the big deal is with Facebook if you know how to use it properly.

I only have 'proper' friends on Facebook and my page is set to private so what's the big deal? I have put several pictures of my son on there and as long as my page is private I don't see the issue.

I think some people are OTT and old fashioned surrounding this stuff.

Socknickingpixie · 26/08/2012 20:02

wowzerz i dont think anybody has said that if your happy to put photos of your own dc's on fb that is not ok

i thinks its a i dont want mine type of thing.

Socknickingpixie · 26/08/2012 20:03

fwiw, some people may think hmmm thats really PFB to not want photos of dc's on fb but others may equally as such think hmmm thats really PFB to put them on it

ifiwasarichwoman · 26/08/2012 21:10

I don't think anyone else is interested in my kids / I tend to use it as a family diary - I make photobooks every 6 months and my status updates go in as captions.

In a busy world - it's just an easy way of having a nice momento.

Sometimes - I can't even remember what I did this morning.

ShutTheFrontDoor · 26/08/2012 21:43

I just don't get it. People look at your dc all the time, every day. What's the difference?
Let's wrap them all up in cotton wool and keep them inside.

katese11 · 26/08/2012 23:11

OK, I only ever lurk on here, but I gotta ask - why do childless people sign up to Mumsnet?

Feel free to flame me...

CoolaSchmoola · 26/08/2012 23:34

YANBU. I had pictures of my DD on FB, locked down so only my friends/family could see them and I had repeatedly asked them not to share them, which noone did. I'm funny about who sees pictures of my DD due to the line of work I'm in, but we live overseas and my security settings were high, so I put a couple on so people could see how she was changing. All fine.

My MiL decided to tag one of her internet "friends" on my DD's pic so she could see it. I do not know this woman - more importantly neither does my MiL. This woman could be anyone. This woman could be a man. This woman could be a paedophile. Point is my MiL does not know her. Tagging means that my DD's pic goes on this woman's wall, and into her pictures so everyone she has on her FB can see it.

I then go and look at this woman's page and she has NO security settings! Nothing. Anyone on the bloody planet can see any of her pictures - including the one of my DD - who she doesn't know!

I was livid.

I deleted the tag, then I deleted every single photo of my DD from FB. I also messaged my MiL firmly telling her that I was angry, that she had done the one thing I had asked her not to and shared a pic, and she'd shared it with a stranger with NO security settings which meant anyone could access it, take it and do what they wanted with it. I told her the pics were gone.

She had an almighty strop at DH, told him that FB is the only way she sees DD growing up as we live away yada yada yada..... My response was tough biccies - the pictures were there, you did something I asked you not to do and did it in the worst possible way, the pictures are gone. Shit bust. She ignored me for a while, but she got over it (had to or she wouldn't have seen DD when I went over - can't arrange a visit if you aren't talking to someone!)

There are now no pictures of my DD on FB - and it's going to stay that way.

CoolaSchmoola · 26/08/2012 23:37

Oh and for those who don't get why it's an issue.... You should see where some "innocent" pictures of children end up, and what they look like when they've been photoshopped....

The internet is a pervert's playground. I don't care who looks at her in the street - but I do want to know who has pictures of her, and to be certain noone is manipulating them or using them.

Wowserz129 · 27/08/2012 00:34

Coola - she's our mil sounds really unreasonable. I hope your DH told her to sod off!!

Kate - I wonder the exact same thing, if you don't have children/pregnant or are a nanny or something why do people sign up to Mumsnet?

Wowserz129 · 27/08/2012 00:35
  • your mil
ifiwasarichwoman · 27/08/2012 00:41

wowser, I get you, but I don't care tbh, if someone wants to do something with a picture of children, they will do it, I wont/cant spend my life thinking about it all the time.

I know other people do, and thats absolutely their look out.

NellyJob · 27/08/2012 00:44

you know there is a simple answer to all this, don't use fucking facebook.

piprabbit · 27/08/2012 01:05

Unfortunately, now the OP has been unfriended, she will no longer be able to see if her sister posts more family photos in future.