to think I shouldn't be persecuted for this

[uimo]

Me and my brother went to the cinema on Wednesday night, after the showing I drove home whilst he walked home, he only lives a mile and a half away. On the way home he was attacked and mugged, he's ok but got punched in the stomach a couple of times and had his wallet and phone stolen. I didn't offer to give him a lift home and now I'm getting no end of abuse from the rest of my family, my sister in particulary who has texted me saying "couldn't even spare 5 mins to ensure your brother got home safe, some big sister you are" and she just phoned me and given me a 5 minute tirade about how I'm such a disgrace.

I admit it was 11ish and he is only 15 and I should have offered him a lift home and had I known what would have happened I would have. The thing is he didn't ask for one and although me and him go regularly it is normally during the day so he just walks back so I didn't think. I'm very sorry and annoyed with myself for not giving him one but I feel like I'm being treated like I was the one who mugged him.

Yes teenagers go places and walk back at night on their own. I have a 17 year old he's been coming home on his own for years in the dark.

He was beaten up on the way home from school and had his phone taken off him at 14. Unfortunately it happens, they don't want to be walked to and from school at that age.

Last year him and some friends were attacked at a bus stop after going to a fair. The police saw it happen but were unable to catch the attackers ( how the didn't manage it I don't know) the first I knew was a phone call from the police saying an ambulance was on it's way and they thought he had a broken nose and jaw. Again unavoidable teenagers need freedom.

However if my sister took him out as she does often and left him to walk home alone at night and he was beaten up and mugged I would be really pissed off and upset with her as it would have been totally avoidable, if the op had just used a bit of common sense.

I think that's why her family are upset with her. If she had just put herself out a little it would never have happened. It's lucky he wasn't badly hurt.

OMC, your dd was making those choices with no input from an adult.
An adult was present here I didn't offer a lift.
I think its more about manners than anything else.
With all due respect, your dd was going behind your back and you didn't know.
This boys parents though hr was with an adult.
So very different, imo.

I am amazed that you didn't offer to give him a lift home that late at night. Even if you expected to be refused, when you are driving home and he is walking a mile and a half, it is at the very least polite to offer.

But I assume - I didn't read the whole thread - that other posters have said the same thing.

OP, I think that you are getting a really rough ride here. (No pun intended)

chickenwingsmmmm Sat 25-Aug-12 16:03:23
OMC, your dd was making those choices with no input from an adult.
With all due respect, your dd was going behind your back and you didn't know.

You don't owe me any respect . How have I earned it? DD went behind my back - and XW's back sometimes. She also did it with our knowledge.

[I'm unsure about the manners comment. Politeness possibly, but I'm not even sure about that. Maybe convention?]

Oh dear i hope he is okay. That's awful, and completely the fault of the muggers.

However, I think if i was your family i would have been irritated you didn't offer/insist on giving him a lift regardless of whether he had been mugged.

Irrelevant of the time of day i would offer a lift to anyone in those circs.

I'm sure everyone will calm down tho and i hope you don't feel too bad.

I am really surprised that people don't think 15 year old boys should be out walking at 11 at night. I have older teenage boys and I wouldn't have given it a moments thought to let them walk home at 11. (surprised) It does depend where you live though.

A long time ago.

A friend of mine dropped his brother off at the end of the street after a night out (Can't remember what it was) but he was attacked in the 75 mtrs between the end of the street and his house.

Shit happens, luckily my friend had an understanding family that didn't blame him.

What happened to the OP could have happened to anyone.

What does your brother say to it all? Does he agree with the family now attacking you like this?

Everyone's upset. You could have offered a lift and didn't, that's not the reason he got mugged. But it's drawing their fire right now. Being defensive about it won't help. Apologise for not giving him a lift, tell him you feel awful about that, allow the others the space to remember that it wasn't your fault he got mugged.

Change the thread to : I have my DB a lift home but we were in a car accident and now he is injured. My family are blaming me as he could have walked home...

Statistically I imagine a car journey is more dangerous than a walk home at 11pm.

Just one more voice to add to the chorus of YAB a little U. No, it's not your fault your brother was mugged but surely it's just common courtesy to offer a lift in this situation, especially to your young brother? I wouldn't dream of letting anyone walk home if I could drive them. Sorry to say you were being rather selfish.