to think I shouldn't be persecuted for this

[uimo]

Me and my brother went to the cinema on Wednesday night, after the showing I drove home whilst he walked home, he only lives a mile and a half away. On the way home he was attacked and mugged, he's ok but got punched in the stomach a couple of times and had his wallet and phone stolen. I didn't offer to give him a lift home and now I'm getting no end of abuse from the rest of my family, my sister in particulary who has texted me saying "couldn't even spare 5 mins to ensure your brother got home safe, some big sister you are" and she just phoned me and given me a 5 minute tirade about how I'm such a disgrace.

I admit it was 11ish and he is only 15 and I should have offered him a lift home and had I known what would have happened I would have. The thing is he didn't ask for one and although me and him go regularly it is normally during the day so he just walks back so I didn't think. I'm very sorry and annoyed with myself for not giving him one but I feel like I'm being treated like I was the one who mugged him.

Obviously it wasnt you that attacked him but I wouldnt have left my brother who is 18 to walk on his own. But you wasnt to know, I can understand why your family are angry just give them time and they will realise it wasnt your fault

Hang on hang on hang on....

This reads exactly like someone playing around with the whole 'rape apologist' thing.

If a girl doesn't get given a lift home and gets sexually assaulted, it's no-one fault but the man who assaulted her

If a lad doesn't get given a lift home and gets mugged, it's the fault of the person who didn't offer the lift?

It makes no difference how big they are, children can look older it doesn't take away from their actual age.

OH hang, there's seven pages!

Whoops . Now scrolling back to find the fifteen other people who've said the same thing as me.

Fallen, I know what you mean about 15 yos not being (as a rule) delicate wee flowers, but lone teenage boys are a real target for attackers.

No one is saying the op is to bleme for the mugging - they are blaming her for allowing her db to be in potentially dangerous situation when she could easily have made sure he was safe.

If she didn't have a car and had walked home herself in the opposite direction then I think that would have been different - but she had a car and could have made sure he was safe and didn't - I think that's the issue. I would be totally pissed off at anyone who could have made sure someone was home safe but didn't.

Yes, they're not precisely saying she's to blame - but if someone had left a young woman to walk home alone, and she had been sexually assaulted, can you imagine the response on MN if someone had said "You should not have left her vulnerable to a sexual assault by letting her walk home alone."

I remember on one glorious occasion a fair few MNers saying the police force were rape apologists because someone's DD had been advised by an on-duty officer to avoid walking through a dark alley at about 2am.

So - just to be clear - we should help young men keep themselves safe from a mugging, by offering lifts and advice and suchlike, but not help young women keep themselves safe from a sexual assault by doing the same?

Yanbu, yea yea a lift should have been offered yadda yadda yadda but some if the bosom clutching on here is very ott. He's 15, not 5.

I don't buy the whole 'be careful where you walk a night' = equals rape/ mugger apologist.
But that's a different thread.

I just think its incredibly bad manners never mind anything else.
This is two issues. The OP is NOT responsible for the mugging, but imo she should have offered he brother, who is a minor, a lift.

So all those who are saying that she should have given him a lift, what if she had and he'd said no?
Who would you blame then?
Will you never let your child of 15 walk anywhere at 11pm at night?

I agree Jodie, and the OP is not to blame for what happened.

But do you not think its a bit weird and rude to not offer anyone regardless of age, sex, time of night etc a lift home if it's only 5 minutes out of your way?

'I remember on one glorious occasion a fair few MNers saying the police force were rape apologists because someone's DD had been advised by an on-duty officer to avoid walking through a dark alley at about 2am.'

I remember that thread. Very odd. All attempts to say 'walk with mates, get a lift, choose your route ' were hammered down by a select group who kept repeating the mantra of 'You will only be raped if you meet a rapist'

Oh God yes Trixy - I'd've offered a lift had he been a hulking great 36 year old with a background in mixed martial arts - not for safety's sake, but because it's a bit rude not to!

(although I can't drive, so I speak purely theoretically )

chickenwingsmmmm Sat 25-Aug-12 09:22:11
I don't buy the whole 'be careful where you walk a night' = equals rape/ mugger apologist.

Where were you when I got beaten up for it?

but imo she should have offered he brother, who is a minor, a lift.

Well, your o and £1.60 is a cup of coffee, I think we've established

Does he get a lift back from the bus stop?
Do mum/dad collect him from school?
Is he driven to all his mates houses?

If he walks then, he can walk when he wants.

If he'd wanted a lift, he'd probably have asked. He's a 15 year old boy, how many of you have teenagers? One of the PITA points about them is how comfortable most of them are with treating parents as a free taxi service.

Fallen that thread drove me from MN for about ten minutes

It was a particularly entertaining mixture of stupidity and malice.

There are places I wouldn't want my son to be, alone, at 11 pm. As I said upthread, lone teenage boys are targets.

He wouldn't have been using his sister as a taxi service though, would he. They were out together; he was hardly dragging her out of bed to pick him up. And it would have taken all of five minutes out of the OP's time.

I was meaning that most teens would feel comfortable asking for a lift from a member of their immediate family.
OP hasn't said what sort of area it was that he was walking through either, he and she probably thought it was fine.

Haha - loving all the 'fumers' saying they understand the sister's reaction/ would have done the same thing. Really? You send your family members angry texts? Really?? Jeremy Kyle beckons...

Yabu. Why on earth would you leave a 15 year old to walk home late at night?
No,you didn't do anything wrong as such but you didn't do anything right either.
Hope your brother feels better soon.

YABU.+ YANBU :)

You should have given him a ride.

but it is NOT your fault he was mugged.

That's a very good question, Hes. The impression I got from the OP was that she was trivialising what has happened to her brother.

You don't have to be a particularly sensitive soul or to have had a particularly sheltered upbringing to find being punched in the stomach and robbed traumatic, and for it to knock your confidence. I hope he really is OK.