to think I shouldn't be persecuted for this

[uimo]

Me and my brother went to the cinema on Wednesday night, after the showing I drove home whilst he walked home, he only lives a mile and a half away. On the way home he was attacked and mugged, he's ok but got punched in the stomach a couple of times and had his wallet and phone stolen. I didn't offer to give him a lift home and now I'm getting no end of abuse from the rest of my family, my sister in particulary who has texted me saying "couldn't even spare 5 mins to ensure your brother got home safe, some big sister you are" and she just phoned me and given me a 5 minute tirade about how I'm such a disgrace.

I admit it was 11ish and he is only 15 and I should have offered him a lift home and had I known what would have happened I would have. The thing is he didn't ask for one and although me and him go regularly it is normally during the day so he just walks back so I didn't think. I'm very sorry and annoyed with myself for not giving him one but I feel like I'm being treated like I was the one who mugged him.

people don't tend to ASK for lifts though do they, if its not offered then its not offered.

If the op wad 'i went to cinema with dbro (15). If finished at 11pm and I didn't offer him a lift home, five minutes out of my way. Mum/sister/dad is annoyed. He got home safe so don't see the issue. Am I or my family being unreasonable?'
I would say to the OP yabu.

Siblings would ask for lifts - I ask mine for lifts, money , lend of clothes etc. I don't think the "if you didn't offer I'm not asking" would apply in family but that just be mine.

I have seen aibu where people get pissed off with siblings wanting lifts.
He may not have asked as he thought he was fine. 15 year olds don't always make the best decisions.

Strangely in this day and age some people still walk and the streets ought to be safe to let them.

I used to like walking home at 1am on my own, I was vaguely annoyed when my younger sister was allowed to come to village dances too and we were required to come home together.

The lads next door never keep a car or motorbike functioning for more than five minutes. They walk miles, certainly doesn't give any one the right to mug them.

YANBU although your sisters reaction is understandable. But, like others say it could have happened anytime. Also, why didn't your parents tell you to give him a lift home? Ok, you're an adult and should know better, but when we take out my 14 yo cousin my mum and aunt constantly remind us to ensure he doesn't go off etc. It makes you go all teenage and go yes mum, but at least no one is just expecting others to do things without saying it. Not saying its your parents fault either btw, but so many different things could have been don to prevent it.

Or he didn't ask because he knew the op would give him a hard time about it.

regardless of what the OP did or didn't do, by saying she is to blame implies that the DB is to blame by being out walking at 11 and that is VICTIM BLAMING and that is wrong.

SO what if he was out walking home at 11? who care's how that situation came about? He should have been safe to do so by choice or necessity and the ONLY person whose fault it is that he's not is the CRIMINAL who mugged him.

p.s it might have been kinder or better ettiquette to offer him a lift, but that's by and by in this situation.

Bloody hell, YABU. Your poor brother, I hope he recovers ok and suffers no lasting effects.

I have a 15yo and I would have been bloody fuming with you had you have let him walk a mile and a half home, while you whizzed home in your car. Even if he had have got home safely I would have phoned you and let you know just how selfish and irresponsible you had been.

It wouldn't have occurred to me to have not seen him home TBH!

I'm shocked at the responses tbh.

If op had let her sister walk home and she had been raped would you be blaming the OP? No, I think you would be blaming the rapist.

Why is this not the mugger's fault? Jeez, if everyone stayed at home or in cars it would mean that people were even more at risk.

I am an eldest sibling and sometimes parents unfairly blame older siblings when things go wrong, and behave as though the elder one has to assume all responsibility, even when your bro is a year off being able to join the army/get married.

Though obviously, its not his fault either and maybe you should have a chat with him to make sure he's not overwhelmed by the fuss your parents are making.

Landofsoapandglory Fri 24-Aug-12 19:59:34
I have a 15yo and I would have been bloody fuming with you had you have let him walk a mile and a half home, while you whizzed home in your car. Even if he had have got home safely I would have phoned you and let you know just how selfish and irresponsible you had been.

Wow. Apron strings chafing a bit there? He's 15.
My daughter used to walk back from Manchester City Centre around that age.

I asked her not to cut through the park, but it wouldn't have occurred to me to bollock my sister for not giving her a lift home if it was out of the way.

YABVU he could have been stabbed or raped whilst you were happily motoring home. The fact that you are older means that you should not only have offered but insisted that you took him home. I have a younger brother and hell would freeze over before he walked home alone, whilst I drove off into the night.

YANBU everyone makes mistakes and no good can come from your family hectorring you about it.

of course he should be able to walk around at 11pm

but its not like the OP was walking too in her direction, she got in her car and drove off without offering to make a short detour - that is rude and out of order, it just wouldn't occur to me to NOT offer in those circumstances, I don't see how that is victim blaming, IMO the OP was just as out of order whether anything happened or not, but the fact that she DIDN'T even offer may not have come to light had nothing happened IYKWIM - that's the only difference!

Yes OMC he is ONLY 15.
Wouldn't that make him a minor?

Also to pp that's talking about victim blaming. Nearly everyone has pointed out the mugging was the muggers fault. Of course it is.
But people are allowed to feel she should have give him a lift or at least offered.
Or is having a opinion not the done thing anymore?

and I'ld feel the same about driving off without offereing a 50 YO a short lift too! apron strings/shmapron strings its just rude

He could have been stabbed, raped or murdered (or all three) during the day too. The only one to blame is the mugger.

Exactly lacking as I said earlier I would never leave my friend who is older than me to find her own way home.

Yabu, I would be upset with you too. You say it never even crossed your mind to offer him a lift, which makes you sound very selfish. I was wondering if you feel guilty at all?

"He could have been stabbed, raped or murdered (or all three) during the day too. The only one to blame is the mugger."

they're 2 separate things IMO
the mugger is the only person responsible for the mugging
the OP is still UR for not offering the lift, regardless of the mugging! I'ld be furious about that alone without the mugging

You mean none of you would let a minor walk on their own at 15?

Good lord.

I was camping out solo at that age - as were many of my friends.
We also went climbing, which is possibly more hazardous than walking home.

Still, evidently times have changed.

millions of 15 year old's have to make their own way home and late hours and are okay,
if he had asked you and you had said no then that's different.

however you won't be if you come across a mugger, YANBU.

If it was in the opposite direction from where you were going and he didn't ask then I don't think you were unreasonable and your sister sounds toxic tbh.

What would you have done if your DBro was a Dsis?

In general males are twice as likely to be violently attacked as females and further to that, young males are by far the most likely group to fall victim to a violent attack.

I'll wager that you'd not let a 15yo girl walk home alone, though.

OneMoreChap, DS2 is not tied to me by apron strings, or anything else! He is very independent and responsible. However, because we live in a very rural area and quite a distance from his friends, either DH or I tend to pick him up and bring him home because walking 3 or 4 miles round unlit lanes is dangerous, no?

And, if you read what I posted, you would see that I said I would be fuming if the OP left him to walk home while she whizzed home in her car, because I think that is bloody self centred, not because I am being precious!