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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I shouldn't be persecuted for this

213 replies

uimo · 24/08/2012 19:19

Me and my brother went to the cinema on Wednesday night, after the showing I drove home whilst he walked home, he only lives a mile and a half away. On the way home he was attacked and mugged, he's ok but got punched in the stomach a couple of times and had his wallet and phone stolen. I didn't offer to give him a lift home and now I'm getting no end of abuse from the rest of my family, my sister in particulary who has texted me saying "couldn't even spare 5 mins to ensure your brother got home safe, some big sister you are" and she just phoned me and given me a 5 minute tirade about how I'm such a disgrace.

I admit it was 11ish and he is only 15 and I should have offered him a lift home and had I known what would have happened I would have. The thing is he didn't ask for one and although me and him go regularly it is normally during the day so he just walks back so I didn't think. I'm very sorry and annoyed with myself for not giving him one but I feel like I'm being treated like I was the one who mugged him.

OP posts:
Catsmamma · 24/08/2012 20:58

I'd think you were bloody tight not to offer me a lift home and I am more than capable

I can totally see why your family are pee'd off tbh, you should apologise and hope they draw a line under it

Just out of interest did you meet your bro at the cinema or take him there? IMO taking him means you def SHOULD have taken him home, or if you met there (and I still think you should have taken him home) the rest of the family were happy enough for him to go alone so it negates their fury a little about him being out on his own for the return journey.

Original poster
uimo · 24/08/2012 21:00

I met him at the cinema

OP posts:
chickenwingsmmmm · 24/08/2012 21:03

OMC How expensive is coffee where you are. You can get an awsome cup of coffee for less than a couple of quid.
here you opinion would be worth -40p. :)

mynewpassion · 24/08/2012 21:04

Did someone drop him off or did he walk there?

Original poster
uimo · 24/08/2012 21:06

My sister dropped him off I think, as they had been to see our grandma and she dropped him off on her way home.

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 24/08/2012 21:12

Mugging aside, I would always offer a lift home to people I'm out with, unless it was absolutely miles out of my way.

He's 15, so still a child and I would drive hours out of my way to make sure a child got home ok. I do think it's a bit odd that it didn't cross your mind to make sure he got home safely.

nuilt · 24/08/2012 21:12

YABU and deserve the "abuse" you are getting off your family, compared to what your brother suffered due to your selfishness it is inconsequential.

Growlithe · 24/08/2012 21:14

I'd insist on giving an adult a lift home under these circumstances, never mind a 15 year old. When out at night I'd make sure no one I was out with goes home alone, but I know from experience that not everyone would think to do this.

Its done now. You didn't attack him. He's ok. But please learn from it.m

NCForNow · 24/08/2012 21:15

It is a ssd fact that young males are more at risk from attack. It's a lesson learned.

Poor lad. He must be traumatized.

BillyBollyBandy · 24/08/2012 21:18

Poor lad. FWIW I would automatically have taken him home.

But he is your parents responsibility and they should have found out how he would be getting back.

Blaming you isn't fair.

baboos · 24/08/2012 21:18

YABU - I really don't get folk sometimes!

Why on earth wouldn't you think to give someone you were out with a lift home, never mind your own brother.

Viviennemary · 24/08/2012 21:19

You should have given him a lift home. But you weren't to know this was going to happen. If you had known then of course you would have given him a lift. But really if it was only a short drive it was a bit selfish of you not to have given him the lift if it was only going to take a few minutes. Take this as a lesson to be more considerate and helpful to others in the future.

poiun · 24/08/2012 21:20

YANBU you were a little thoughtless but it doesn't justify how you are being treated. His possessions can be replaced I'm sure so no real harm done.

Floggingmolly · 24/08/2012 21:23

Of course you should have driven him home. Did it really not cross your mind?

MollyMurphy · 24/08/2012 21:23

well it's not your fault and nasty texts are unnecessary.....but tbh I can't imagine not offering anyone of any age, at any time of day a ride if they don't have one personally. especially at night. it didnt cross your mind? live and learn though, nothing to be done about it now.

MollyMurphy · 24/08/2012 21:26

I don't agree its his parents responsibility....he was out with his adult sibling. I think most people would presume the kid would have gotten a ride home from that person IYKWIM?

ifancyashandy · 24/08/2012 21:46

Blimey, my Head Teacher parents must have been very slack! I used to get the 10.30 bus home & walk the 10 mins to the front door most weekends from the age of 14.

And I'm a girl...

MrsRhettButler · 24/08/2012 21:58

I cannot imagine driving off and leaving anyone of any age to walk home without offering and probably insisting a lift!

Yabu would go mad at a member of my family who did this regardless of the attack.

niujlo · 24/08/2012 22:14

YABVU you sound a very selfish person who couldn't be bothered to ensure that her little brother got home safely and is now whining about the wholly understandable negative reactions directed towards her. You could and SHOULD have prevented this and yet you did not.

chickenwingsmmmm · 24/08/2012 22:20

ifancy what has being a girl or your being head teachers go to do with anything.
So your parents would let you walk home instead of driving you the 5 minutes it would take. Strange that.

Forget saftey, I think its rude to do that to someone. Sibling or not. 15 or not.

comedycentral · 24/08/2012 22:21

You have been so unreasonable and selfish...it didn't occur to you to ask as you clearly think of only yourself. Awful, you deserve the abuse.

maddening · 24/08/2012 22:23

I guess it depends more on the area - where I live there is little perceived danger in walking home - so if it is a warm, dry night it wouldn't be odd not to give a lift if it wasn't asked for.

personally I always would offer but if your usual arrangement is db walking and he was not after a lift (and assuming normal family relations who would always feel comfortable asking imo) then I don't see why you would be considered responsible - as long as the area is not deemed to be risky and db is a mature 15yo.

I am sure you feel bwd enough without the tirade from your family.

I think how your db feels about it is more important- I gets to say whether yabu or not imo.

LadyMargolotta · 24/08/2012 22:28

poiun did you not read that he was punched in the stomach twice?

It sounds like a very traumatic attack. Uimo by saying that's he 'ok' perhaps you are trying to play down the attack to try and make yourself feel less guilty?

I would be extremely upset if this had happened to my child, and I can understand why family members are so angry at you.

OneMoreChap · 24/08/2012 22:29

Astonishing.

Last year I got ripped a new one, for saying I told my daughter to avoid parks and dark streets. I was a rape apologist.

A 15 year old is allowed to walk home from the pictures at 2300; Big sis should have driven him home. Unbelievable.

Bizarre.

LadyMargolotta · 24/08/2012 22:30

I think you need to apologise profusely, and show your family that you are feeling upset and guilty.