to want another child although strictly speaking we can't afford it?

[melonandpapayaandmango]

If we had a fourth, no one would starve, no one would go barefoot and no one would be homeless.

DD is 5, DS1 is 3 and DS2 is only 3 months. I've always wanted a big family, DH was happy with 2 children but I persuaded him to have a 3rd - he agreed and now he has said he likes the idea of an even number.

at the moment my two older children share a room (DS2 is in with us) but we hope to move house in the next 2 years but it would probably be a 3 bedroom property meaning the two boys would still have to share - a third DS would go in with them, a daughter would share with DD.

it's mainly the living space - any thoughts?

It's not just the living space though is it?

It's the

Food
Clothes
School dinners
School uniforms
School trips
University fees etc

Only you know if it will affect your family quality of life long term.

Not sure why you think that "strictly speaking" you can't afford it. In an earlier generation (and in most of the world), siblings would expect to share - and not necessarily divided by gender before puberty.

Why are uni fees seen as a problem for the parents?

Because many parents try to help out with the cost of Uni...though not necessarily the fees come to think of it, but the other costs.

If I had had any idea how much a 10 and 12 year old cost, DC3 and DC4 would not be here.
What about holidays when you have to pay adult airfare, meals out, maybe private tutition or education to each their potential ?

go on, babies are cute

SDeuchards

Agree that fees are the students' debt not the parents' - and these only kick in when they are earning more than £21,500 (??).

However the maintenance loan typically only covers accomodation costs (if that) - so day to day living expenses might well be an issue.

Like I say, no one would starve or go without a coat or shoes or the essentials. It's really the living space and the fact that as worra says we'd struggle with university fees (although I also hope by the time that's a problem we'd be in better shape financially.) We don't go on holidays so that's not a problem.

oh and would NEVER be able to afford private education!

What about your car if you have one?

Can it fit 4 in the back or would you have to get a bigger one?

With 4 one of the biggest day to day problems is transport. Either taking two cars everywhere or having to buy a bigger car with more seats. big expense. You are right to stop and think about the financial impact. More people should.

yeah we'd need another car if we were to have a fourth DC.

Ok what if one needed extra help and a £20 a week tutor or won a place to a grammar and needed an expensive blazer that you could have provided for three but not with 4.
Its a tough one.

Fiat Multipla - £2k for a nice one. 6 full sixes, individually adjustable seats.

Why are uni fees seen as a problem for the parents?

Repayable loans (and quite possibly an unlimited graduate tax in the future) cover fees and a lump that might cover most of your accommodation costs. Beyond that you need parental help and the government expect you to get it! If you aren't 'estranged' from your parents then if they earn over x amount you aren't eligible for any other funding. And the 'I lived at home and worked to pay my way through through Uni' works for some subjects eg English. It doesn't work for the sciences.

'I lived at home and worked to pay my way through through Uni' works if your parents live near a university!! Wouldn't work here.

Also true

it depends what you mean by cant really afford, if you can afford clothes, shoes, food etc ok.]

but what about after school clubs, sports, swimmming lessons, schooltrips etc.

we have 5 and it is doable ona modest income, but i spent £293 last week on 5 pairs of shoes and a pair of wellies and then ahd uniform to buy.

ds1 had a school trip that was £350 last year, ds2 has one that is £150 in oct.

as they get older they get MORE expensive! have a good look at your budget and your plans for the future.

it sounds possible from what you are saying, but do give it serious thought :)

I would second that they become more expensive the older they get, I have three teenage boys and the food bill alone is horrendous and it won't get any cheaper soon.

YANBU to want one.

Y might BU to actually have one.

How old are you? Can you wait a bit and see?

I am assuming that since your youngest is 3 months this is still an "in the future" rather than "impregnate me now" decision?

Trills - yeah, definitely for future, probably (if we decide) to start trying in february 2014 for an autumn/winter 2014/15 baby - I'm mid 30s so don't want to leave it too long.

Re grammar school and blazers we don't live in an area with grammar schools so that won't happen! I have a lot of considerations in mind but I have to say that isn't one of them!

it's hard to say.

at the moment, DH earns £40,000 p/a, he will in all probability be on around 50,000 in the next five years. My earning potential is considerably less. Unfortunately we also live in an expensive area.

It's mainly the size of the house, university fees, wedding help (yes I'm looking WAY into the future )

With regard to after school clubs and so on, I don't know if I am BU but I can't help but think that wouldn't be a reason not to have another child, if you see what I mean - I think it would be nicer for them to have another sibling than to have loads of activities? But I do have a slightly romantic view of sibling relationships so I am possibly BU. I'd love to have a second DD to give DD a sister as I've already given the DS's a brother but obviously that's not within my control but that would be my perfect scenario :)

YANBU to want one, but you might BU to have one
You need to consider the quality of life for the whole family, there will proportionally less time for everyone as well as money/space.
Would you struggle with unexpected big expenditures?
You might be on safe ground financially presently but would you be ok if one of you (heaven forbid) became ill or lose work?
If you have a third DS is it really practical for 3 boys to share a room, especially as they get older?

And do you think it is ethical to have more children? That's NOT a judgement btw, I just wonder if ethics are a consideration.

I have three children now too.

And I would also like another one. Can't help that. I don't know whether it's maternal instinct or whatever you want to call it, or whether it's just the way I am.

But something tells me that it's a feeling that won't go away, and if I had another one, I would want a fifth.

So I keep reminding myself of the costs (as detailled already).

Gosh, if I had those salaries I would have my fourth! That's a lot more than what my dh earns!

I think you would regret not having a family size you want now when you get older and can't. I am on my third & always said I wanted three or four, its only that I am having a very very rough pregnancy that I have decided to stick with three.
I agree with others you would need to think about the family car etc but everything else like living space and clothing etc is to me not an issue. Children can share bedrooms and clothes and shoes can be handed down. Meals can be cooked for a whole family reasonably (veg etc is cheap despite what people say)
My husband was one of 5 & they are all so close now, youngest is 23 & eldest (my hubby) is 34. They get on great and I totally understand why people enjoy big family's. They had family holidays but it was camping or caravan in England etc nothing abroad. We only have two and don't go abroad, it doesn't bother me. We are off to anglsey tomorrow, yeah its not America or Greece but so what. go for it if your all in agreement x