to want another child although strictly speaking we can't afford it?

[melonandpapayaandmango]

If we had a fourth, no one would starve, no one would go barefoot and no one would be homeless.

DD is 5, DS1 is 3 and DS2 is only 3 months. I've always wanted a big family, DH was happy with 2 children but I persuaded him to have a 3rd - he agreed and now he has said he likes the idea of an even number.

at the moment my two older children share a room (DS2 is in with us) but we hope to move house in the next 2 years but it would probably be a 3 bedroom property meaning the two boys would still have to share - a third DS would go in with them, a daughter would share with DD.

it's mainly the living space - any thoughts?

That is interesting Maryz as your pros mirror mine.

I lost family young, DH only has his mother - I think we both want children to grow up in a home with lots of siblings for friendship and companionship.

Are you like me then - one daughter, two sons?

Thank you HoldingOntoStars :)

Some people will do anything to satisfy their craving for a baby and it has nothing to do with love.

I am one of 5, and we had very little growing up. After my youngest brother was born my mum became a single parent on benefits. However, she managed to raise 5 well adjusted children. Granted we had very little but nevertheless we had a fairly happy childhood. I guess if you really want a 4th, you should just go ahead, you would always find a way to manage.

OK Novack but that isn't the case here.

Why is there ALWAYS one? eye roll

Novak you are not answering my question.

Well as I wrote previously if you are not going to burden the rest of society with wanting benefits how you spend your money is entirely up to you and if you plan prudently then go ahead. My opinion is that 50K is very little money for two nevermind 4.

It's 40k at the moment - hopefully should be around 50 by the time we try for a fourth, though.

Novak, you are still not answering my question. What professional help is available for people to deal with their urge for another child?

You can't guarantee that your children will grow up liking each other, I have a friend that is one of four and can't stand her 2 sisters but kind of gets on with her brother.

Bling, I know that. You're quite right and I didn't get on with my brother which is one reason I'd really like to try and give DD a sister (obviously may still not happen.)

On the other hand, DD and DS1 at the moment adore one another and adore their baby brother - my children (so far!) are very happy with siblings.

Don't do it OP - you've got enough on your plate

With respect gabbysmum how do you know what is on my plate and what isn't

Stick to 3 and go on holiday

We don't want to go on holiday! We wouldn't go if we had 4, 3, 2 or no children!

I just mean with the kids melon and the ages they are at. That is in itself a lot on anyones plate.

Why don't you want to go on holiday?

I didn't get on with my brother which is one reason I'd really like to try and give DD a sister

Your DD may get on with her brothers much better than any hypothetical sister. Getting on is not just about gender, it's about personality.

Why don 't you want to go on holiday. Kids would love it? By we you mean you

Oh please , you want to give DD a sister because you didn't get on with your brother? I have sisters and not that close to either of them.

Taking children on holiday is a fantastic way for them to experience different cultures and to practice their language skills. 2 weeks in Italy or France will quickly progress their language skills as much as a year in school would as they ski or play on the beach with friends they meet.

I didn't get on with my brother which is one reason I'd really like to try and give DD a sister - and if you have a 3rd boy?

Really, holidays are fab. (You know yours will be the only children who do'nt go anywhere if you live in a 'posh' area)

It's worth thinking about what's best for your existing DCs, not just what you want. Make a list of what they will be giving up as well as what you will be giving up (even if some of it you don't think is important, like holidays and sports, but accept your DCs might), then do a list of what your 'pro' reasons.

We don't want to go on holiday. Why not? You can bet your kids won't be too pleased with this pronouncement in years to come either. Not a particularly workable stance to adopt.
I notice also your comment re. giving your dd a sister . 1. She doesn't particularly need one and 2. How many children are you ultimately prepared to have to ensure it happens, given that you're unsure about being able to afford a fourth?
You have a lot more thinking to do.

Kilmuir - no "oh please" about it - please don't be rude, I really hate it when people are rude and scathing for absolutely no good reason. I've responded to and agreed with a lot of the points on here - good and bad. I would LIKE to give DD a sister but I obviously can't control what gender my next baby is (if we decide to have one.)

We don't go on holiday because I suffer from severe motion sickness and neither of us like the heat. We live near the sea anyway. Novack, I was constantly taken away for holidays as a child and hated it and I think it harmed me socially because I didn't get to chill out and play with my peers at all during school holidays. It's not all travel brochure bliss.