to want another child although strictly speaking we can't afford it?

[melonandpapayaandmango]

If we had a fourth, no one would starve, no one would go barefoot and no one would be homeless.

DD is 5, DS1 is 3 and DS2 is only 3 months. I've always wanted a big family, DH was happy with 2 children but I persuaded him to have a 3rd - he agreed and now he has said he likes the idea of an even number.

at the moment my two older children share a room (DS2 is in with us) but we hope to move house in the next 2 years but it would probably be a 3 bedroom property meaning the two boys would still have to share - a third DS would go in with them, a daughter would share with DD.

it's mainly the living space - any thoughts?

If I was you I 100% do it.You are on a high income and Im jealous.I would love 4.Definitely go for it imo

Holidays are nice but they're not essential, are they? I've never been out of North America in my life and don't consider myself particularly hard done by.

Someday I'll go abroad with my husband, but for now...eh. We'll take the kids to the lake cabin or to visit relatives in NYC...we go to Chicago every now and then, and plan to do a Disney trip at least once in their childhoods. Otherwise, they can go to Europe or wherever when they're adults, if they want to.

forty grand for a family of six is not a "high" income imo - it's very comfortable for a family of four and a bit of a stretch for five. Six would be a step too far and gives no breathing space at all.

Let's get real here for goodness sake

I am the oldest of 4 and my experience is similar to Kveta's - however we were 'encouraged' to leave home from 16 and told uni was a 'waste of time' :(.

We have three DC's and wont be having any more. My DH earns considerably less than yours but we are comfortable. We dont have expensive tastes - no expensive hobbies, one holiday a year etc. But I suppose it depends on what you want from life. I would have liked another baby, but I dont wnat to push our finannces to the point that there is no room for maneuver.

Good god alive.
The woman is thinking about having a 4th child not a 10th.

Op if you want one, have one.

And don't worry, there is always at east one poster who will hint that you only want babies, not actual children

I wanted 6 but we stopped at 5.

We have never been well off or anywhere near it. Perhaps we shouldn't have had any....

Depends where you live.Im down south but you would be living the high life here.

forty grand for a family of six is not a "high" income imo - it's very comfortable for a family of four and a bit of a stretch for five. Six would be a step too far and gives no breathing space at all.

Not true.

Projecting your past problems and issues on to your children is not a good thing to do. Holidays can be taken in cooler climes too which is why i said skiing and Sweden and Norway are fantastic in Summer and Granada in Spain in winter is bloody cold and still only an hour from the beach at Marbella. Sound more like you are only doing what YOU want and not thinking of the children as much as you could. Siblings who are girls can just as easily grow up to dislike one another.

That's my stance, Cheerful - we do live in a coastal village, and their grandmother lives near Portobello so that's quite holiday-ish. We will have breaks in the Uk - IF we can afford it but I doubt either of us will want to leave the UK to go abroad. DH plays music for a band - obviously it isn't 'serious' but brings in a bit of extra cash and most importantly he LOVES doing it. The majority of his gigs are in holiday time. Also, I really do have nightmarish memories of my own holidays as a child my brother and I used to beg my parents not to book holidays!

Of course, my much-loved, well fed and well dressed DCs might turn around and hate me for this in years to come but wouldn't have thought so (or at last if it wasn't holidays I suspect it would be something else! )

It's interesting what has emerged on this though is different people's ideas of normal and different things different people are prepared tocompromise on - I personally wouldn't even entertain private schools but some people wouldn't entertain state, for instance. Shows how different we all are and that's no bad thing

Bee, you're right about location but forty grand isn't a fortune in this day and age

Well it's definitely not unreasonable to want another one unless you are that ridiculous American woman. But I think four will become quite expensive as they get older. Wanting extras like school trips and even music lessons, riding lessons or other activities. And there's also the ferrying round to all these activities. But in the end it's up to you and your DH and what you can cope with both financially and otherwise.

Novack - would you like to know a little about my experiences as a child, of being stuffed into the back of a baking hot car for 5 days driving across England and France, vomiting constantly, hot, tired, unwell and miserable?

Then arriving in France and lying on a beach all day with my sun worshipping parents just lying there baking while my brother and I sat in the sea, eating sandy sandwiches and warm fizzy pop, then driving back to the campsite to watch said parents get pissed, then having to do the same thing again 5 weeks later?

Then going back to school in september with sunburn and having the piss ripped out of me by the other kids, while they all giggled about the days they'd had playing, riding bikes and having fun.

THAT is selfish parenting, Novack. My children are loved fiercely - unfortunately my poor little DD has 'inherited' my travel sickness and gets ill on a bus, car or plane (she's OK on trains, hence we travel in the UK) and frankly I am not bundling them and spending a small fortune to do something DH and I have little interest in.

Sorry for the snappiness but for heaven's sake - we are not interested in travel, is that really such a crime?

Sorry Vaga - I think it IS true and I've spent enough time in supermarkets and on family outings to know the reality.

I think it is a fortune and I have never met anyone other than on here who thinks its not

forty grand for a family of six is not a "high" income imo - it's very comfortable for a family of four and a bit of a stretch for five. Six would be a step too far and gives no breathing space at all. - I agree with this. It will cover the basics only.

Bloody hell.
It's like another world on here sometimes.
I ad no idea you shouldn't have kids unless you can take them abroad and they get to ride ponies.

I know that sounds seriously snarky but you do all realise that not everyone lives like the don't you?

And it doesn't mean our kids are living some sort of sub existence.

Seems frugality is only acceptable if you don't need to be. It as to be a lifestyle choice.

Not a crime at all, just rather depressing.

Actually, it is very true, Vagaceratops

Cars and Holidays. These are the things that cause my DF grief having totally unexpectedly ended up with 4. Also having to get her head round a boy in a very girly household.

No sensibly priced car takes six and no family room will either.
(5 is very difficult, but six is totally impossible).

Fortunately she'd just extended her house to give the oldest girls a room each so there was a small bedroom for DS. Her plan to shift her computer there from downstairs is on permanent hold.

If we had £40k a year we would be laughing!

Narked that is your opinion. You find it depressing.
Not everyone does.
It doesn't make them stupid.
Just different

If you can afford it yanbu

If I am
Along for it the yabu

paying

It's not about whether you can take kids abroad etc - most people don't go abroad every year (not me or my social circle anyway)

I think it's about whether you can provide a decent standard of living for a child without having to scrimp and scrape your way through life. There is no fun in poverty so why pretend there is. I like to think I can provide the odd treat for my kids without it being a huge issue.