AIBU to think it's odd to ask for cash towards honeymoon as a wedding gift?

[Vagabond]

With a registered company who takes the money. I suppose it takes the pressure off but it does feel a bit odd to me. Second marriages - they have all the toasters they need so I guess it makes sense. How much to give?

I think its a good idea, my cousin is doing this. She already lives with her fiance so they don't need anything. She sent a lovely note in the invitation saying that they aren't expecting gifts, our presence is enough, but if we really want to then we can contribute and quoted the booking reference. (The way she worded it was a lot better than that, really nice and ungrabby). We'll probably put in £30.

Well I know some people think that but its much better than getting a load of stuff you dont really want. We went to a wedding like this and thought it was really nice thinking of the lovely honeymoon they would be able to have. Give as much as you were going to spend on a present

It's odd and rude.

But plenty of people on MN will try to convince you otherwise.

Give champagne or nothing.

I don't like it either. And if you don't need anything, then don't ask for anything. However, 15 years on, we're still using the lovely dinner service and cutlery we had on our wedding list amongst other stuff, and it'll go on a long time yet. A lot longer than a holiday.

We did this for our wedding list but I deliberately did not put this with the invites. We worded it along the lines that we were going on a great adventure honeymoon and people could request details if they would like to contribute to a specific activity, e.g. Hot air balloon ride, dolphin spotting. Most people did, some people didn't. We were grateful for all our gifts.

As everyone bought a specific part of our honeymoon, we made personalised thank you cards with photos of us on the experience that they contributed to. We really enjoyed it, and it was around the time this idea started gaining popularity, so most people seemed to think it was a great novelty idea.

Well this has never been done before

I predicted 12 pages +

Lordy, I hate eye rolls. Please move on PnS. How could you even be bothered to post!?

So how much? I reckon that since we're invited to the whole 'do' we should 'donate' as much as we would expect to pay for the meal/wine etc. Is that reasonable?

My sister did it for hers, she set up a wedding website and had every experience they might like to go to on their honeymoon (prices ranged from £5-£300ish, mostly at the lower end but bigger ones for people who wanted to splash the cash!). I don't think it's a bad thing and to me the grabby, pricey wedding lists with random things on it seem a lot worse to me. Not sure I'd do it though.

That's perfectly reasonable if you are happy to do it and can afford it. But unless you know exactly what she is spending on a meal and wine, won't it be hard to use that as an indicator of how much to give?

It's becoming increasingly common these days. But I do think there is something rather crass and grasping about asking your guests for money.

does this company charge, becase i would prefer to give cash so 100% monies given will be recived

It's not the done English thing, but very common in Asian weddings. I don't see it as a problem personally and better than getting gifts you don't really need. I'd go for as much as you would spend on a gift.

I would rather give money towards what they wanted than buy something that would sit in a cupboard.

I think it is in very poor taste . If you don't need anything for your home ask for nothing.

I prefer to buy actual items than give cash and loathe 'we'd rather have your presence than your presents but etc etc...'. I never think the bred and groom mean it

Why is this rude? Would you rather waste your money on their third toaster they clearly dont need or give your money to the honeymoon? Either way your giving them money arent you?

Perhaps after the wedding expenses they have no money for a honeymoon. Perhaps it more sensible they minimise their debt rather than have some towel bale set.

I don't think it's rude. We did this for our honeymoon, as we live in a small, furnished, rented flat, so have no room, and no need, for lots of extra household items. We had a small wedding, and all of our guests knew us well enough to know that we would value much more having great experiences and making memories on honeymoon, than a new coffee maker or something!

We did it through a website called honeymoon gift. On there you can set up honeymoon 'gifts', that your guests can buy. We went to Australia andlisted things like 'Cocktails on The Rocks in Sydney', or 'A day ticket on the trams in Melbourne'. That way your guests still feel like they're getting you a present, and not just giving you money, which I think sat better with some members of the older generations. We had prices ranging from £5-£60. Also, the only cost was a sign up cost (I think it was £25), so none of the money you're giving goes to anyone but the happy couple. We took great care in wording it nicely on the invites too

I don't really see the difference between asking for this, and asking your guests to spend £75 on a cushion from John Lewis or something! But each to their own :)

When my husband and I got married we could not afford much of a honeymoon so we went camping for a week. It would not have entered my head to ask someone else to pay for my honeymoon. We did not need anything as we both had a home set up so didn't ask for anything .

Yep, it's very common for Asian weddings (to give cash, not even necessarily for a honeymoon) and I'm glad I have the excuse that DF is Asian! I don't really like the thought of getting lots of household stuff as we have all we need, plus a lot of wedding list stuff can be got cheaper than the standard registries.

Am always a bit bemused by the horror towards it on MN though, it must be frustrating for those who can see the practicalities of it but are terrified of overstepping etiquette boundaries.

I don't like this at all. I went to a wedding which had a twee poem in asking for cash donations- hated it thought it very rude.

I may be biased as we did something similar for my first wedding and I felt awful about it at the time . I was in awe of my rather vulgar husband to be and was rail roaded into having a wedding account with a department store into which people contributed. Every time I think back I shudder and it should have been a sign that our marriage was doomed .

It seems to be getting more common. A couple we know got married last year and did that. We were invited to the reception only but my DS was due around the date so we didn't attend. I decided to chip in for the gift anyway and gave £50.

I wished I hadn't in the end though because I didn't even get a thank-you card!!

It was ex-colleagues of mine and to be honest I'm glad to see the back of everyone in that company. They were all pretty bloody awful people.

the last two weddings i went to were 20 somethings and both asked for money rather than a present. i guess with more people living together first/being on second marriages etc that it makes more sense but i did feel it a bit impersonal so i made them a hand made /sewn card more to make me feel better about it really!

Not this again. Why am I replying. Yes it is incredibly rude and entitled to ask for cash towards a honeymoon. Especially if they're going to the Bahamas and your going on a day trip to your local seaside resort.

Fairy and others, what a great idea asking for a specific experience.

It today's society I don't see what the fuss is about, friends of mine had a once in a lifetime honeymoon because we all paid into their honeymoon account - set up rather like what has been described above. They had a great time.