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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think it's odd to ask for cash towards honeymoon as a wedding gift?

237 replies

Vagabond · 22/08/2012 21:41

With a registered company who takes the money. I suppose it takes the pressure off but it does feel a bit odd to me. Second marriages - they have all the toasters they need so I guess it makes sense. How much to give?

OP posts:

TalHotBrunette · 23/08/2012 00:18

A few weddings I've been to have asked this. I think it's a nice idea, the couple get what they want, those guests who complain about giving money can feel they are contributing to something tangible and the rest of us who really don't give a fuck so long as the couple are happy don't care anyway.

Nigglenaggle · 24/08/2012 20:15

Here here ^^ Find it very odd that people have a problem with it

Iamsparklyknickers · 24/08/2012 20:42

Personally I would rather contribute to the honeymoon than just give cash. If you don't like it buy a pretty photo album for their honeymoon photos and a bottle of something bubbly (lambrini if you're really offended at the request for some kind of money donation.)

LexieSinclair · 24/08/2012 20:44

I don't have a problem with it. I would much rather my cash went to something the couple actually wanted and would appreciate.
However, I don't like requests for cash or presents sent with a wedding invitation. I think it's really crass, though I know so many people do it. I once received an invitation for a baby shower, complete with John Lewis gift list.

Binkybix · 24/08/2012 20:50

It doesn't bother me at all - I don't see the difference to having a list of items with prices against it, really. Some people prefer experiences to stuff - each to their own I say. Agree that I don't like the little poems though - for honeymoon cash requests or cash requests by proxy (ie a wedding list).

BeeBee12 · 24/08/2012 20:52

I have been to 10 weddings in 10 years and every single one was cash as gift.I think its rare to have a wedding list in this day and age.

KellyElly · 24/08/2012 20:58

I would say its pretty common now. Its actually a nice present if you think about it as the honeymoon is really the only bit of the wedding that is just for the bride and groom and its a contribution to a lovely happy memory for them.

lannyshrops · 24/08/2012 22:28

We did this for our wedding. We thought long and hard about it but as we both owned our own houses we really did not need anything. We actually sent our invitations with just information about our venu etc and got lots of calls about what gift we wanted. We quickly realised that people often WANT to buy you a gift. We ended up sending another card saying that we truly DoD not want a gift but as so many people had asked then a cash donation towards our safari would be lovely.
In our thankyou cards we included photos of that particular guest on the day and one of us on our safari.
How is this inappropriate? Wasting money on un needed possessions is surely worse? us o

Floggingmolly · 24/08/2012 22:34

It's rude, grasping and tacky. But then I don't even like wedding lists, especially those included with the invitation itself, which appears to have become the norm.
Why not just sell tickets?

GlassofRose · 25/08/2012 00:11

You do not have to spend a fortune to buy a nice present, but money is a different kettle of fish. Most people attending weddings will feel obliged to give a gift and when money is involved most people would be questioning how much is appropriate. You might be able to buy a nice photo frame or album for £10-15 but you'd probably feel a bit cheap handing over that little.

It seems to cost a fair penny to attend the "big day" of somebody else, so asking your guests to contribute a wad of cash is distasteful in my opinion.

Mrsjay · 25/08/2012 00:14

we were at a wedding 2 years ago husbands work mate just the evening do and this is what they did , a company you registered with the website and sent the to mexico I was a bit at first thought it was really cheeky but the couple lived together lovely house and probably didnt need a new toaster or picture frame, so when I thought about it , wish I had thought about it when I got married

Viperidae · 25/08/2012 00:14

DH and I have not been to a wedding for years but have an invite to one soon. What is a reasonable amount to give as a honeymoon contribution?

GWenlockMaryLacey · 25/08/2012 00:15

Can't see a problem. If you're going to their wedding then you like them and want them to be happy so give them what they want. If you think they're nasty, rude, greedy people then you shouldn't be going to their wedding anyway so it doesn't affect you.

Easy :o

Mrsjay · 25/08/2012 00:19

It depends vi my husband put 30 to a communal work pot then they put it on to the account, the website didnt show who gave what but did show peoples messages, IYSWIM

lambbone · 25/08/2012 22:13

But Gwenlock, even people you know well can surprise you when it comes to weddings. My feeling is that it is fine to ask for stuff if you are setting up home, but if all that is sorted it is unspeakably vulgar and greedy to ask for money for a holiday. If people want to mark the occasion of your marriage, a charity donation in your name would be appropriate.

exoticfruits · 25/08/2012 22:23

I don't know about odd - I think it rude. OK if someone asks, but not if they don't ask.

ChaoticismyLife · 25/08/2012 22:24

Some posters will say it's rude, others that it's acceptable.

Me...I couldn't give a shit. I've given vouchers, cash or a gift, dependent on what would make the couple happiest. I really couldn't get worked up about it.

GWenlockMaryLacey · 25/08/2012 22:28

it is unspeakably vulgar and greedy to ask for money for a holiday. If people want to mark the occasion of your marriage, a charity donation in your name would be appropriate.

Oh come on. Are you serious? More than anything I cannot abide charity donations in the name of somebody else, funerals excepted. Charity donations are between a person and their conscience. It's not for anyone to give to charity in your name, it's highly presumptuous and purely done to make the giver feel good about themselves.

As for unspeakably vulgar and greedy, don't be absurd.

ChaoticismyLife · 25/08/2012 22:31

it is unspeakably vulgar and greedy to ask for money for a holiday. If people want to mark the occasion of your marriage, a charity donation in your name would be appropriate.

I'd do that if I wanted to piss them off in a passive aggressive way.

NoComet · 25/08/2012 22:35

No it is 100% sensible and really easy.

Also we have had this thread 1000 times already!!!!!

TidyDancer · 25/08/2012 22:40

It's rude to request anything.

I would cringe and feel grabby if DP wanted to do this for our wedding.

LottoQueen · 25/08/2012 22:42

We got married after 15 years together.

Told guests that we did not need/require presents.

If they wanted to, guests could give us gift vouchers. We got some vouchers, the odd present and plenty champagne. Guests needed to know what to do.

It was not a requirement to turn up bearing cards or gifts at our wedding. We invited everyone that we wanted and we had a fucking top day. It was the best day of my life.

Absofuckinglutely.

Weddings should not be about 'stuff'

exoticfruits · 25/08/2012 22:44

If you have everything you could just ask them to come without gifts.

Pinkforever · 25/08/2012 22:46

dear so and so.we are getting wed.ticjets cost 50 quid so cough up ta. is that rude enough for you? because that is what it is tantamout too and please nasty grabby people dont try and convince yourself otherwise....

Cynner · 25/08/2012 22:52

I was invited to a wedding recently, with an enclosed piece of paper letting me know the happy couple were planning a Disney Honeymoon, and requested contributions in Disney Dollars..website conveniently included.
I chose not to contribute.

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